1. Unless you have a reason not to, use the active voice.
At the heart of every good sentence is a strong, precise verb; the converse is true as well--at the
core of most confusing, awkward, or wordy sentences lies a weak verb.
Passive
a. It is believed by the candidate that a ceiling must be placed on the budget by Congress.
Active
b. The candidate believes that Congress must place a ceiling on the budget.
Passive
c. It was earlier demonstrated that heart attacks can be caused by high stress.
Active
d. Brown earlier showed that high stress can cause heart attacks.
There are sometimes good reasons to use the passive voice:
To emphasize the action rather than the actor.
e. After long debate, the proposal was endorsed by the long-range planning committee.
To keep the subject and focus consistent throughout a passage.
f. The data processing department recently presented what proved to be a controversial proposal to expand its staff. After long debate, the proposal was endorsed by . . . .
To be tactful by not naming the actor.
g. The procedures were somehow misinterpreted.
To describe a condition in which the actor is unknown or unimportant.
h. Every year, thousands of people are diagnosed as having cancer.
To create an authoritative tone.
i. Visitors are not allowed after 9:00 p.m.
2. Put the action of the sentence in the verb.
Don't bury it in a noun or blur it across the entire sentence. Watch out especially for nominalizations (verbs that have been made into nouns by the addition of - tion).
a. An evaluation of the procedures needs to be done .
b. The procedures need to be evaluated.
c. We need to evaluate the procedures.
d. The stability and quality of our financial performance will be developed through the profitable execution of our existing business, as well as the acquisition or development of new businesses.
e. We will improve our financial performance not only by executing our existing business more profitably but by acquiring or developing new businesses.
3. Reduce wordy verbs.
a. is aware, has knowledge of ----------> knows
b. is taking --------> takes
c. are indications --------> indicate
d. are suggestive --------> suggests
4. Use expletive constructions ("It is," "There is," "There are") sparingly.
a. It was her last argument that finally persuaded me.
b. Her last argument finally persuaded me.
c. There are likely to be many researchers raising questions about this methodological approach.
d. Many researchers are likely to raise questions about this methodological approach.
5. Try to avoid using vague, all-purpose nouns, which often lead to wordiness. --factor, aspect, area, situation, consideration, degree, case . . .
a. Consumer demand is rising in the area of services.
b. Consumer demand for services is rising.
c. Consumers are demanding more services.
6. Unless your readers are familiar with your terminology, avoid writing strings of nouns (or noun strings!).
a. patient program satisfaction
b. student-professor relationship factors
c. processing step change
d. competitive cotto salami performance test
e. program implementation process evaluation
f. MHS has a hospital employee relations improvement program.
g. MHS has a program to improve employee relations.
h. MHS has a program to improve relations among employees.
7. Eliminate unnecessary prepositional phrases.
a. The opinion of the working group.
b. The working group's opinion.
c. The obvious effect of such a range of reference is to assure the audience of the author's range of learning and intellect.
8. Avoid unnecessarily inflated words.
Instead of ===>> Use
cognizant of ===>> aware of, know
facilitate ===>> help
impact on ===>> affect
implement ===>> start, create, carry out, begin
subsequent to ===>> after
utilize ===>> use
9. Put wordy phrases on a diet.*
Instead of ===>> Use
the reason for
for the reason that
due to the fact that
owing to the fact that ===>> because, since, why
considering the fact that
on the grounds that
this is why
despite the fact that
regardless of the fact that ===>> although, even though
in the event that
if it should transpire/happen that ===>> if
under circumstances in which
Instead of ===>> Use
on the occasion of
in a situation in which ===>> when
under circumstances in which
as regards
in reference to
with regard to ===>> about
concerning the matter of
where . . . is concerned
it is crucial that
it is necessary that
there is a need/necessity ===>> must, should
it is important that
it is incumbent upon
cannot be avoided
is able to
has the opportunity to
is in a position to ===>> can
has the capacity for
has the ability to
it is possible that
there is a chance that ===>> may, might, can, could
it could happen that
the possibility exists for
prior to
in anticipation of
subsequent to ===>> before, after, as
following on
at the same time as
simultaneously with