This appeared in a memo to the board of Grandview Symphony-"For many years the city of Grandview has provided annual funding for the Grandview Symphony since the symphony's inception ten years ago. Last year, the symphony hired an internationally known co

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This appeared in a memo to the board of Grandview Symphony-

"For many years the city of Grandview has provided annual funding for the Grandview Symphony since the symphony's inception ten years ago. Last year, the symphony hired an internationally known conductor, who has been able to attract high-profile guest musicians to perform with the symphony. Since then, private contributions to the symphony have doubled and attendance at symphony concert series has reached new highs.Now the Symphony is an established success, it can increase ticket prices. Increased revenue from larger audience and higher ticket prices will enable symphony to succeed without funding from city government."

The above argument has appeared in memo of board of members of Grandview Symphony to present the success story after including certain new factors. They described that Grandview Symphony hired a famous conductor who enhanced their acclamation by alluring renowned musicians to perform and further resulting in a hike to the private contributions of other society counterparts. Since the number of attendants showed an upward tendency the Grandview Symphony decided to raise the prices of the tickets that will yield extra revenue and thus give them an autonomous stature by shunning the use of government fund.

The discussion above seems creditable at first instance but has various loopholes when critically scrutinized, like over emphasis has been given to the newly recruited conductor. Along with this, it is not advisable to raise the ticket rates, since the audience started to show up at the program in good proportion. Furthermore, increased audience needs more investment and thus not direct related with increased revenue. So, in a way, the hypothesized conclusion seems flimsy in the lack of apt evidences.

At the first place, the Grandview Symphony gave credit of its success to an internationally acclaimed conductor but has forgotten to consider the taste of the public in the music. They ignored the fact that the ambience, catering services etc too tempt the public towards public places. The author has paid undue stress on increasing the number of audience due to introduction of guest’s music stars, but has not given any consideration to other related factors of the place that directly enthralls the psyche of the individuals. Along with this, author can't ignore the transient human nature that changes its interests with the passage of time; today they might feel amused for the jazz music and tomorrow they be demanding of classical one. If the availability of the type of singers have not been given, it would be preposterous to extrapolate the results on such whimsical subjects.

In addition, it has been mentioned that the private contribution showed an up-trend but no exact figure has been given. What if they were contributing 1% of all incurred expenses and now started giving 2 % of the total expenditure. Even then Grandview Symphony has itself to bear 98% of costs and this is not a meager amount that can be ignored. Thus, till the exact numeral values been given, we can never deduce the exact level of contributions of related factors.

Furthermore, the people might start coming to the place since they are having access to good music and cheaper rates. Had the population been comprised of middle class people, they won't be able to pay the higher amount, leading to diminishing audience rates. So before making such inclusion into the program, the author needs to check the economic status of the population at that particular place.

Last but not least, the increased audience and ticket rates accompanies new expenses like availability of new furniture, extension of existing building structure etc and thus won't possibly lead to good amount of revenue; as the earned amount might be used in all these new inclusions and even then having ample money, the Grandview Symphony depends upon the city government funds for the payments of stars.

To sum up, the board of directors although gave an immaculate picture by interrelating all the aspects pretty well but their deductions are not pragmatic in nature. Had the other related concepts be taken into consideration like taste of people for music, demographic features of population etc to bolster the discussion, the results would have been more reliable and valid.

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Comments

argument 1 -- don't need to argue against the conductor, if you really want to argue, you can say:

Maybe it is a high cost of the salary for the conductor and high-profile guest musicians.

argument 2 -- OK

argument 3 -- not OK

argument 4 -- not OK

read a sample:
http://www.testbig.com/gmatgre-argument-task-essays/following-appeared-…
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flaws:
Don't need first two paragraphs for introduction, one is enough. Like this:

para 1: introduction
para 2: argument 1
para 3: argument 2
para 4: argument 3
para 5: conclusion

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Attribute Value Ideal
Score: 3.0 out of 6
Category: Satisfactory Excellent
No. of Grammatical Errors: 0 2
No. of Spelling Errors: 0 2
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No. of Words: 598 350
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Fourth Root of Number of Words: 4.945 4.7
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Use of Passive Voice (%): 0 0
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Sentence Length SD: 11.223 7.5
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Sentence-Sentence Coherence: 0.048 0.07
Number of Paragraphs: 7 5