The following appeared in a memo from the Board of Directors of Butler Manufacturing.
"During the past year, workers at Butler Manufacturing reported 30 percent more on-the-job accidents than workers at nearby Panoply Industries, where the work shifts are one hour shorter than ours. A recent government study reports that fatigue and sleep deprivation among workers are significant contributing factors in many on-the-job accidents. Therefore, we recommend that Butler Manufacturing shorten each of its work shifts by one hour. Shorter shifts will allow Butler to improve its safety record by ensuring that its employees are adequately rested."
Write a response in which you discuss what questions would need to be answered in order to decide whether the recommendation is likely to have the predicted result. Be sure to explain how the answers to these questions would help to evaluate the recommendation.
The author of the memo from the Board of Directors of Butler Manufacturing recommends shorten work shifts by an hour in order to improve safety record and guarantee that employees have rested enugh. The writer gives us some evidences which support his or her conclusion to estimate its soundness these evidences should be scrutinized closely.
The first evidence which is given to us is that Butler Manufacturing has 30 percent more on-the-job accidents than Panoply Industries. The author avers that reason of worsen statistic of accidents is longer shifts. However, is it the only possible explanation of the difference? To answer on this question we need to know do these firms are similar or not, the probability exists that two companies have distinct fields of occupation, for example, Butler Manufacturing may be company which workswith meat of animals and employees have to work with dangerous equipment. The second firm may produce cakes and toil of its workers is not connected with handling sharp objects and using dangerous mechanisms. In this case, perhaps the difference in work process leads to the difference in numbers of accidents at work.
Besides, we were told that a recent government study reports that fatigue and lack of sleep cause the increase in on-the-job accidents. This data has a wide representation in our minds and we agree with it. At the same time, we do not know that workers at Butler Manufacturing have sleep deprivation or fatigue. To use the data of survey we need to know about conditions of the worker, in other words, a survey of employees should be conducted to learn about their health conditions and how many of them have sleep deprivation. Probably, workers of the Butler Manufacturing have no problem with the rest and recreational activities.
Additionally to it, the writer asserts that if the company sorten shifts, it will inevitable lead to enhancement of safety records via ensuring that they are adequately rested. Unfortunately, the reduction of hours at work does not guarentee that employees will have adequate rest because the company does not control life of workers outside the fence of the plant. For instance, if a employ has a young child who cries because he is ill, an additional hour will not cure the baby and the reason of lack of sleep will remain. Moreover, some people may have problems with health which may cause the sleep deprivation, for instance, insomnia is a illness which should be cured by therapy rather than improvement of hours out of work. As a result, the implementation of the policy may not have expected results.
In conclusion, the author of the memo maintains that curtail of work shits will lead to decline in the number of accidents at work due to allowing the employees to have adequate rest. Unfortunately, the writer failed to prove that workers suffer from lack of sleep and that the change will address the problems which lead to supposed sleep deprivation.
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Sentence: The author of the memo from the Board of Directors of Butler Manufacturing recommends shorten work shifts by an hour in order to improve safety record and guarantee that employees have rested enugh.
Error: enugh Suggestion: No alternate word
Sentence: Additionally to it, the writer asserts that if the company sorten shifts, it will inevitable lead to enhancement of safety records via ensuring that they are adequately rested.
Error: sorten Suggestion: soften
Sentence: Unfortunately, the reduction of hours at work does not guarentee that employees will have adequate rest because the company does not control life of workers outside the fence of the plant.
Error: guarentee Suggestion: guarantee
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argument 1 -- OK
argument 2 -- well, better to agree it has the problems too for fatigue and sleep deprivation. But maybe 30 percent more on-the-job accidents are not because of fatigue and sleep deprivation. maybe it is related to safety code for example. This is a causal assumption, which means the memo assumes all accidents are happened because of lacking in rest.
argument 3 -- OK
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Attribute Value Ideal
Score: 3.5 out of 6
Category: Satisfactory Excellent
No. of Grammatical Errors: 0 2
No. of Spelling Errors: 3 2
No. of Sentences: 20 15
No. of Words: 493 350
No. of Characters: 2418 1500
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Fourth Root of Number of Words: 4.712 4.7
Average Word Length: 4.905 4.6
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No. of Words greater than 6 chars: 124 80
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No. of Words greater than 8 chars: 64 20
Use of Passive Voice (%): 0 0
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Sentence Length SD: 9.609 7.5
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Sentence-Text Coherence: 0.302 0.35
Sentence-Para Coherence: 0.512 0.50
Sentence-Sentence Coherence: 0.13 0.07
Number of Paragraphs: 5 5