The Mozart school of music announces on its website some reasons for parents to enroll their children in this school:
first, no age or level limitations
second, wide range of courses available
Third, the powerful and well known faculty
Finally, successful outcome of the school
These reasons seem to be flawed in several aspects which would be elaborated in this essay.
Firstly, the wide range of age and level of participants is a benefit for some students. especially when they are beginers who are planning to start learning music. or the adults who are planning to start learning music but are unable to find a class appropriate for their age and level of profession. But not all the music learners are among these groups. For example, some kids are proficient in music despite their age and want to persue music professionally, or some adults planning to get back to school after a long gap, this school might not be a good choice for them.
Secondly, although working in different fields is an advantage, this might weaken the professionality of the school, as sometimes focusing on a spesific field, enables us to be general in all fields. therefore, the ones who aim to follow a pofession might be more interested to join a school professional in that field.
Thirdly, the argument asserts that faculty members are amongst reputed musicians of the area, while this is not clear that how good is that area in the field of music, or is the neighborhood vast enough to reside the well known musicians of an accepted level or not.and are these musicians also good at teaching as well as performing?
And finally, the fact that the graduates of the school have succeed in their future shows that this school have had a bright role in their music life, while we can not certainly conclude that their triumph might be a result of the school. specially because this is common that good students attend well known school due to their reputation, while their results are basically based on their own endeavor or expertise.
In conclusion, although the mentioned reasons are shining points in the portfolio of the school, which would definitely be asserted by any school, for advertisement, the parents and candidates should chose their target school based on their special needs. Not any best is good for any one.
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e-rater score report
Attribute Value Ideal
Final score: 3.5 out of 6
Category: Satisfactory Excellent
No. of Grammatical Errors: 0 2
No. of Spelling Errors: 0 2
No. of Sentences: 9 15
No. of Words: 395 350
No. of Characters: 1876 1500
No. of Different Words: 194 200
Fourth Root of Number of Words: 4.458 4.7
Average Word Length: 4.749 4.6
Word Length SD: 2.513 2.4
No. of Words greater than 5 chars: 129 100
No. of Words greater than 6 chars: 91 80
No. of Words greater than 7 chars: 58 40
No. of Words greater than 8 chars: 36 20
Use of Passive Voice (%): 0 0
Avg. Sentence Length: 43.889 21.0
Sentence Length SD: 20.957 7.5
Use of Discourse Markers (%): 0.889 0.12
Sentence-Text Coherence: 0.413 0.35
Sentence-Para Coherence: 0.8 0.50
Sentence-Sentence Coherence: 0.175 0.07
Number of Paragraphs: 6 5
Grammar and spelling errors:
Line 8, column 90, Rule ID: UPPERCASE_SENTENCE_START
Message: This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
Suggestion: Especially
...cipants is a benefit for some students. especially when they are beginers who are planning...
^^^^^^^^^^
Line 8, column 166, Rule ID: UPPERCASE_SENTENCE_START
Message: This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
Suggestion: Or
...o are planning to start learning music. or the adults who are planning to start le...
^^
Line 10, column 201, Rule ID: UPPERCASE_SENTENCE_START
Message: This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
Suggestion: Therefore
...enables us to be general in all fields. therefore, the ones who aim to follow a pofession...
^^^^^^^^^
Line 14, column 61, Rule ID: HAVE_PART_AGREEMENT[1]
Message: Use past participle here: 'succeeded'.
Suggestion: succeeded
...t that the graduates of the school have succeed in their future shows that this school ...
^^^^^^^
Line 14, column 240, Rule ID: UPPERCASE_SENTENCE_START
Message: This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
Suggestion: Specially
...riumph might be a result of the school. specially because this is common that good studen...
^^^^^^^^^
Line 16, column 282, Rule ID: ANY_BODY[1]
Message: Did you mean 'anyone'?
Suggestion: anyone
...special needs. Not any best is good for any one.
^^^^^^^
Transition Words or Phrases used:
also, but, finally, first, firstly, if, second, secondly, so, therefore, third, thirdly, well, while, for example, in conclusion, of course, as well as
Attributes: Values AverageValues Percentages(Values/AverageValues)% => Comments
Performance on Part of Speech:
To be verbs : 24.0 19.6327345309 122% => OK
Auxiliary verbs: 8.0 12.9520958084 62% => OK
Conjunction : 15.0 11.1786427146 134% => OK
Relative clauses : 14.0 13.6137724551 103% => OK
Pronoun: 34.0 28.8173652695 118% => OK
Preposition: 47.0 55.5748502994 85% => OK
Nominalization: 3.0 16.3942115768 18% => More nominalizations (nouns with a suffix like: tion ment ence ance) wanted.
Performance on vocabulary words:
No of characters: 1945.0 2260.96107784 86% => OK
No of words: 395.0 441.139720559 90% => More content wanted.
Chars per words: 4.92405063291 5.12650576532 96% => OK
Fourth root words length: 4.45809453852 4.56307096286 98% => OK
Word Length SD: 2.60392515517 2.78398813304 94% => OK
Unique words: 196.0 204.123752495 96% => OK
Unique words percentage: 0.496202531646 0.468620217663 106% => OK
syllable_count: 585.0 705.55239521 83% => OK
avg_syllables_per_word: 1.5 1.59920159681 94% => OK
A sentence (or a clause, phrase) starts by:
Pronoun: 3.0 4.96107784431 60% => OK
Article: 7.0 8.76447105788 80% => OK
Subordination: 6.0 2.70958083832 221% => Less adverbial clause wanted.
Conjunction: 6.0 1.67365269461 358% => Less conjunction wanted as sentence beginning.
Preposition: 1.0 4.22255489022 24% => More preposition wanted as sentence beginning.
Performance on sentences:
How many sentences: 13.0 19.7664670659 66% => Need more sentences. Double check the format of sentences, make sure there is a space between two sentences, or have enough periods. And also check the lengths of sentences, maybe they are too long.
Sentence length: 30.0 22.8473053892 131% => The Avg. Sentence Length is relatively long.
Sentence length SD: 101.777632074 57.8364921388 176% => OK
Chars per sentence: 149.615384615 119.503703932 125% => OK
Words per sentence: 30.3846153846 23.324526521 130% => OK
Discourse Markers: 11.6153846154 5.70786347227 203% => Less transition words/phrases wanted.
Paragraphs: 11.0 5.15768463074 213% => Less paragraphs wanted.
Language errors: 6.0 5.25449101796 114% => OK
Sentences with positive sentiment : 8.0 8.20758483034 97% => OK
Sentences with negative sentiment : 2.0 6.88822355289 29% => More negative sentences wanted.
Sentences with neutral sentiment: 3.0 4.67664670659 64% => OK
What are sentences with positive/Negative/neutral sentiment?
Coherence and Cohesion:
Essay topic to essay body coherence: 0.381355689823 0.218282227539 175% => OK
Sentence topic coherence: 0.132853169924 0.0743258471296 179% => OK
Sentence topic coherence SD: 0.0824759805 0.0701772020484 118% => OK
Paragraph topic coherence: 0.131180560295 0.128457276422 102% => OK
Paragraph topic coherence SD: 0.111336725722 0.0628817314937 177% => OK
Essay readability:
automated_readability_index: 16.9 14.3799401198 118% => OK
flesch_reading_ease: 49.49 48.3550499002 102% => OK
smog_index: 8.8 7.1628742515 123% => OK
flesch_kincaid_grade: 13.8 12.197005988 113% => OK
coleman_liau_index: 11.85 12.5979740519 94% => OK
dale_chall_readability_score: 8.64 8.32208582834 104% => OK
difficult_words: 88.0 98.500998004 89% => OK
linsear_write_formula: 14.0 12.3882235529 113% => OK
gunning_fog: 14.0 11.1389221557 126% => OK
text_standard: 14.0 11.9071856287 118% => OK
What are above readability scores?
---------------------
Maximum six paragraphs wanted.
Rates: 66.67 out of 100
Scores by essay e-grader: 4.0 Out of 6
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Note: the e-grader does NOT examine the meaning of words and ideas. VIP users will receive further evaluations by advanced module of e-grader and human graders.