The following appeared in a newsletter offering advice to investors.
"Over 80 percent of the respondents to a recent survey indicated a desire to reduce their intake of foods containing fats and cholesterol, and today low-fat products abound in many food stores. Since many of the food products currently marketed by Old Dairy Industries are high in fat and cholesterol, the company's sales are likely to diminish greatly and their profits will no doubt decrease. We therefore advise Old Dairy stockholders to sell their shares and other investors not to purchase stock in this company."
Write a response in which you discuss what questions would need to be answered in order to decide whether the advice and the argument on which it is based are reasonable. Be sure to explain how the answers to these questions would help to evaluate the advice.
In the above statement, the author asserts that since people responded to a survey that they do not desire consuming high fat and high cholesterol foods, the Old Dairy Industries, which sells those kinds of products, will lose sales and other new investors as well. While supporting the argument, however, the author makes numerous assumptions which cannot be taken for granted. Thus, the argument remains largely unconvincing without further evidence to verify unjustified assumptions.
Firstly, the author assumes that the respondents to the survery recently being done can be the representative of the residents near Old Dairy Industies. However, this may not be the case. The people responding the survey could have shared similar characteristics, such as being obesed. Then, they will desire to eat less high fat, cholesterol foods. In addition, the author shows 80% as a high ratio of the respondents and so can be very well admitted by the investors. However, the respondents as itself could be very small in number. Therefore, further evidence pertaining to the spectrum of the respondents' weight and the number of the respondents are needed to support the claim and assert it.
Secondly, the assumption that the respondents' desire will lead to real action is not conclusively proven. Even though the respondents are not obesed and very well distributed over the weight, they responded that they have a desire. People all have desire for their objectives. We desire to live healthy or wealthy. However, we often make mistakes as eating what we want to eat such as fast foods, after deliberating over what to eat. Or, we tend to splurge on goods that we suddenly want to buy. These actions lead us into the other way of what we have desired. As such, more detailed data needs to be considered whether the desire will actually lead to the real action.
Lastly, the residents near Old Dairy Industries, who are the main customers of the Old Dairy Industries, also want to evade high fat, cholestrol food is not plausible without corroborating evidence. They could actually like high fat foods. The respondents of the survey are not said to be the residents near the Industries. In addition, the customers for whom the Old Dairy Industires have should be warranted in order to conclude the author's claim. The actual customer who all share unique taste, might have high desire for foods with high fat and cholestrol. Therefore, it is necessary to consider evidence about whether whom the customer for the Old Dairy Industries is.
In sum, the author's claim is not very well supported in its current form. Further evidence, pertaining to the representativeness of the respondents, the gap between desire and action, and the customers for Old Dairy Industries is crucial in determining the validity of the author's claim.
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Comments
Essay evaluation report
Sentence: Firstly, the author assumes that the respondents to the survery recently being done can be the representative of the residents near Old Dairy Industies.
Error: survery Suggestion: survey
Sentence: The people responding the survey could have shared similar characteristics, such as being obesed.
Error: obesed Suggestion: ?
Sentence: Even though the respondents are not obesed and very well distributed over the weight, they responded that they have a desire.
Error: obesed Suggestion: ?
flaws:
The arguments are duplicated. Need to analyze the structure of the statement and argue accordingly:
condition 1:
Over 80 percent of the respondents to a recent survey indicated a desire to reduce their intake of foods containing fats and cholesterol, and today low-fat products abound in many food stores. //first, 'a desire' is not equal to 'real action'. second, 'today low-fat products abound in many food stores' doesn't mean 'there are less high-fat products'.
condition 2:
Since many of the food products currently marketed by Old Dairy Industries are high in fat and cholesterol, the company's sales are likely to diminish greatly and their profits will no doubt decrease. //It doesn't mean all products of the company possess these characteristics. Perhaps, some of them, which bring the main share of revenue, are low-fat products.
conclusion:
We therefore advise Old Dairy stockholders to sell their shares and other investors not to purchase stock in this company. //a lot of factors will affect the choice of stocks. can't depend on a survey
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Attribute Value Ideal
Final score: ? out of 6
Category: Poor Excellent
No. of Grammatical Errors: 0 2
No. of Spelling Errors: 3 2
No. of Sentences: 26 15
No. of Words: 465 350
No. of Characters: 2297 1500
No. of Different Words: 205 200
Fourth Root of Number of Words: 4.644 4.7
Average Word Length: 4.94 4.6
Word Length SD: 2.726 2.4
No. of Words greater than 5 chars: 155 100
No. of Words greater than 6 chars: 114 80
No. of Words greater than 7 chars: 86 40
No. of Words greater than 8 chars: 58 20
Use of Passive Voice (%): 0 0
Avg. Sentence Length: 17.885 21.0
Sentence Length SD: 8.684 7.5
Use of Discourse Markers (%): 0.731 0.12
Sentence-Text Coherence: 0.297 0.35
Sentence-Para Coherence: 0.489 0.50
Sentence-Sentence Coherence: 0.117 0.07
Number of Paragraphs: 5 5
Grammar and spelling errors:
Line 4, column 520, Rule ID: ADJECTIVE_IN_ATTRIBUTE[1]
Message: A more concise phrase may lose no meaning and sound more powerful.
Suggestion: small
...the respondents as itself could be very small in number. Therefore, further evidence pertaining...
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Line 10, column 75, Rule ID: SENT_START_CONJUNCTIVE_LINKING_ADVERB_COMMA[1]
Message: Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Suggestion: Further,
...ery well supported in its current form. Further evidence, pertaining to the representat...
^^^^^^^
Discourse Markers used:
['actually', 'also', 'but', 'first', 'firstly', 'however', 'if', 'lastly', 'may', 'second', 'secondly', 'so', 'then', 'therefore', 'thus', 'well', 'while', 'in addition', 'such as']
Attributes: Values AverageValues Percentages(Values/AverageValues)% => Comments
Performance in Part of Speech:
Nouns: 0.226666666667 0.25644967241 88% => OK
Verbs: 0.169523809524 0.15541462614 109% => OK
Adjectives: 0.072380952381 0.0836205057962 87% => OK
Adverbs: 0.072380952381 0.0520304965353 139% => OK
Pronouns: 0.032380952381 0.0272364105082 119% => OK
Prepositions: 0.102857142857 0.125424944231 82% => OK
Participles: 0.047619047619 0.0416121511921 114% => OK
Conjunctions: 2.81177018383 2.79052419416 101% => OK
Infinitives: 0.0361904761905 0.026700313972 136% => OK
Particles: 0.00190476190476 0.001811407834 105% => OK
Determiners: 0.110476190476 0.113004496875 98% => OK
Modal_auxiliary: 0.0247619047619 0.0255425247493 97% => OK
WH_determiners: 0.0171428571429 0.0127820249294 134% => OK
Vocabulary words and sentences:
No of characters: 2836.0 2731.13054187 104% => OK
No of words: 465.0 446.07635468 104% => OK
Chars per words: 6.09892473118 6.12365571057 100% => OK
Fourth root words length: 4.64369019777 4.57801047555 101% => OK
words length more than 5 chars: 0.348387096774 0.378187486979 92% => OK
words length more than 6 chars: 0.262365591398 0.287650121315 91% => OK
words length more than 7 chars: 0.195698924731 0.208842608468 94% => OK
words length more than 8 chars: 0.139784946237 0.135150697306 103% => OK
Word Length SD: 2.81177018383 2.79052419416 101% => OK
Unique words: 221.0 207.018472906 107% => OK
Unique words percentage: 0.475268817204 0.469332199767 101% => OK
Word variations: 53.7261974608 52.1807786196 103% => OK
How many sentences: 26.0 20.039408867 130% => OK
Sentence length: 17.8846153846 23.2022227129 77% => OK
Sentence length SD: 55.390344255 57.7814097925 96% => OK
Chars per sentence: 109.076923077 141.986410481 77% => OK
Words per sentence: 17.8846153846 23.2022227129 77% => OK
Discourse Markers: 0.730769230769 0.724660767414 101% => OK
Paragraphs: 5.0 5.14285714286 97% => OK
Language errors: 2.0 3.58251231527 56% => OK
Readability: 44.1211745244 51.9672348444 85% => OK
Elegance: 1.375 1.8405768891 75% => OK
Coherence and Cohesion:
Essay topic to essay body coherence: 0.408663019593 0.441005458295 93% => OK
Sentence sentence coherence: 0.11903063293 0.135418324435 88% => OK
Sentence sentence coherence SD: 0.0694847967146 0.0829849096947 84% => OK
Sentence paragraph coherence: 0.525209223993 0.58762219726 89% => OK
Sentence paragraph coherence SD: 0.183453583767 0.147661913831 124% => OK
Sentence topic coherence: 0.157562104082 0.193483328276 81% => OK
Sentence topic coherence SD: 0.082553897464 0.0970749176394 85% => OK
Paragraph paragraph coherence: 0.470988270926 0.42659136922 110% => OK
Paragraph paragraph coherence SD: 0.0950473481598 0.0774707102158 123% => OK
Paragraph topic coherence: 0.302099321984 0.312017818177 97% => OK
Paragraph topic coherence SD: 0.0354567481636 0.0698173142475 51% => The ideas may be duplicated in paragraphs.
Task Achievement:
Sentences with positive sentiment : 17.0 8.33743842365 204% => OK
Sentences with negative sentiment : 4.0 6.87684729064 58% => OK
Sentences with neutral sentiment: 5.0 4.82512315271 104% => OK
Positive topic words: 9.0 6.46551724138 139% => OK
Negative topic words: 4.0 5.36822660099 75% => OK
Neutral topic words: 4.0 2.82389162562 142% => OK
Total topic words: 17.0 14.657635468 116% => OK
What are sentences with positive/Negative/neutral sentiment?
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Rates: 67.33 out of 100
Scores by essay e-grader: 4.0 Out of 6 -- The score is based on the average performance of 20,000 argument essays. This e-grader is not smart enough to check on arguments.
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Note: This is not the final score. The e-grader does NOT examine the meaning of words and ideas. VIP users will receive further evaluations by advanced module of e-grader and human graders.