Milk and dairy products are rich in vitamin D and calcium—substances essential for building and maintaining bones. Many people therefore say that a diet rich in dairy products can help prevent osteoporosis, a disease that is linked to both environmental and genetic factors and that causes the bones to weaken significantly with age. But a long-term study of a large number of people found that those who consistently consumed dairy products throughout the years of the study have a higher rate of bone fractures than any other participants in the study. Since bone fractures are symptomatic of osteoporosis, this study result shows that a diet rich in dairy products may actually increase, rather than decrease, the risk of osteoporosis.
Write a response in which you discuss what specific evidence is needed to evaluate the argument and explain how the evidence would weaken or strengthen the argument
The author of the statement above concludes that the intake of dairy not only is not good for the osteoporosis, it even worsens the illness. This conclusion is based on a vague comparison in a study that people who regularly consumed dairy product showed more frequent bone fractures than other participants in the study. The argument needs several vital evidence to support the authors’ conclusion.
To begin with, the author's argument needs a necessary evidence showing that the fractures are exclusively the signs of osteoporosis. Thinning bones or osteoporosis is due to the low mineral density of the bones, which can result in bone fractures. However, we cannot link the all bone fractures to this illness. It is possible that other factors are involved; the fractures may be the result of being overweight, or it may be due to promoting physical activities with the high risks of breaking bones. A cold region with an icy, slippery terrain can also increase the instances of breaking bones without being necessarily related to osteoporosis.
Secondly, even the fractures are the sign of osteoporosis, there should be evidence ruling out any possibility that other factors have a hand in causing such an illness. Genetic and environment are main factors. There might be some genetic failures in those participants that rendered the thinning bones. Also, hormonal changes, especially make woman at the risk of osteoporosis. When menopause happens, and when the balance of estrogen changes, it makes women more prone to develop weak bones.
Likewise, environmental causes need to be ruled out by any evidence. Maybe those people in the study who constantly ate diaries, did not take other necessary elements, which help their bodies to absorb vitamin D and the minerals in their dairy meals. Furthermore, being exposed to direct sunlight is one of the factors to absorb essential vitamin D, which these people might be deprived of. With these scenarios being the case, we should not make a scapegoat of the diaries, since other factors have made such a medical condition of fragile bones.
Finally the author requires to evince that the other group was significantly different in consuming the dairy products. The author compares two groups, one whose people are “constantly” eat dairy products, and other who do not. The "other" group here may have eaten the same amount of diaries, but not in a constant schedule. This possibility seriously overshadows the validity of the argument, since we would learn that all the participants have used diaries and bone fracture is not related to nourishing diaries.
In short, as discussed, the link between developing osteoporosis and the rate of eating diaries is at best questionable. As the evidence is not incorporated into the argument, the author’s conclusion is untenable.
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Attribute Value Ideal
Score: 5.0 out of 6
Category: Very Good Excellent
No. of Grammatical Errors: 0 2
No. of Spelling Errors: 0 2
No. of Sentences: 23 15
No. of Words: 457 350
No. of Characters: 2309 1500
No. of Different Words: 227 200
Fourth Root of Number of Words: 4.624 4.7
Average Word Length: 5.053 4.6
Word Length SD: 2.724 2.4
No. of Words greater than 5 chars: 162 100
No. of Words greater than 6 chars: 137 80
No. of Words greater than 7 chars: 95 40
No. of Words greater than 8 chars: 55 20
Use of Passive Voice (%): 0 0
Avg. Sentence Length: 19.87 21.0
Sentence Length SD: 7.249 7.5
Use of Discourse Markers (%): 0.478 0.12
Sentence-Text Coherence: 0.282 0.35
Sentence-Para Coherence: 0.534 0.50
Sentence-Sentence Coherence: 0.1 0.07
Number of Paragraphs: 6 5