Milk and dairy products are rich in vitamin D and calcium—substances essential for building and maintaining bones. Many people therefore say that a diet rich in dairy products can help prevent osteoporosis, a disease that is linked to both environmental and genetic factors and that causes the bones to weaken significantly with age. But a long-term study of a large number of people found that those who consistently consumed dairy products throughout the years of the study have a higher rate of bone fractures than any other participants in the study. Since bone fractures are symptomatic of osteoporosis, this study result shows that a diet rich in dairy products may actually increase, rather than decrease, the risk of osteoporosis.
Write a response in which you discuss what specific evidence is needed to evaluate the argument and explain how the evidence would weaken or strengthen the argument
The given arugument is flawed for numerous reasons. Primarily, the argument assumes the veracity of the study conducted is high, but doesn't give evidence to backup this claim. Moreover, of the correlation of bone fractures to osteoporosis and its link to diary product has no proof. Hence, The truth of the argument is limited.
First, the argument fails to justify the under what conditions the study was conducted. There is possibility that the people studied were suffering from brittle bones due to genetic reasons. Additionally, they could be suffering from lactose intolerance. Or they were old people whose bones were weak due to wear and tear, which is common among aged people. More significantly, the "long term" is used in a vague manner. Was it 5 years, 10 years or did it just run in months? The long term used is pretty subjective and depends on the persons who conducted the study. Moreover, there is no data about the qualifications of the people and the method in which the study was done. Doctors, dieticians, journalists or anyone could have conducted it. Moreover, there is no data about how the findings were reached. Data and evidences about these points, will throw more light on the validity of the argument.
Further, another unjustified assumption is the correlation between bone fractures to osteoporosis and consumption of diary products. There is no medical proof that bone fractures are caused by insufficient intake of diary products. It is also possible that the fractured person had zero dairy intake and had still fractured his foot. It cannot be ruled out that the fracture could have been caused by freak accident, like slipping in a bathroom. Or it is quite possible that osteoporosis can be caused due to lesser intake of other eatables like fruits and vegetables. It also does not comment on the quality of the dairy products consumed. A adulterated product can cause more harm. A more detailed analysis examining the correlation between fractures and osteoporosis and consumption of diar products would be helpful in judging the validity of the argument.
The study also claims that osteoporosis causes bones to weaken with age, thereby contradicting the prediction that a diet rich in dairy products may actually increase, rather than decrease, the risk of osteoporosis. It is quite possible that osteoporosis can be caused due to aging, and had no relation with consuming diary products in the first place.
In conclusion, the argument fails to answer a number of questions and hence I do not agree with the argument.
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Comments
Essay evaluation report
Attribute Value Ideal
Final score: 4.5 out of 6
Category: Good Excellent
No. of Grammatical Errors: 0 2
No. of Spelling Errors: 0 2
No. of Sentences: 26 15
No. of Words: 424 350
No. of Characters: 2084 1500
No. of Different Words: 213 200
Fourth Root of Number of Words: 4.538 4.7
Average Word Length: 4.915 4.6
Word Length SD: 2.718 2.4
No. of Words greater than 5 chars: 139 100
No. of Words greater than 6 chars: 109 80
No. of Words greater than 7 chars: 84 40
No. of Words greater than 8 chars: 47 20
Use of Passive Voice (%): 0 0
Avg. Sentence Length: 16.308 21.0
Sentence Length SD: 6.1 7.5
Use of Discourse Markers (%): 0.423 0.12
Sentence-Text Coherence: 0.268 0.35
Sentence-Para Coherence: 0.456 0.50
Sentence-Sentence Coherence: 0.05 0.07
Number of Paragraphs: 5 5
Grammar and spelling errors:
Line 1, column 84, Rule ID: WHITESPACE_RULE
Message: Possible typo: you repeated a whitespace
Suggestion:
...reasons. Primarily, the argument assumes the veracity of the study conducted is h...
^^
Line 1, column 135, Rule ID: EN_CONTRACTION_SPELLING
Message: Possible spelling mistake found
Suggestion: doesn't
...ity of the study conducted is high, but doesnt give evidence to backup this claim. Mo...
^^^^^^
Line 1, column 156, Rule ID: CAN_BACKUP[1]
Message: Did you mean 'to back up'?
Suggestion: to back up
...ucted is high, but doesnt give evidence to backup this claim. Moreover, of the correlati...
^^^^^^^^^
Line 4, column 167, Rule ID: WHITESPACE_RULE
Message: Possible typo: you repeated a whitespace
Suggestion:
...tudied were suffering from brittle bones due to genetic reasons. Additionally, t...
^^^
Line 5, column 38, Rule ID: WHITESPACE_RULE
Message: Possible typo: you repeated a whitespace
Suggestion:
... due to genetic reasons. Additionally, they could be suffering from lactose int...
^^
Line 6, column 55, Rule ID: IN_A_X_MANNER[1]
Message: Consider replacing "in a vague manner" with adverb for "vague"; eg, "in a hasty manner" with "hastily".
...ntly, the 'long term' is used in a vague manner. Was it 5 years, 10 years or did it jus...
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Line 6, column 171, Rule ID: WHITESPACE_RULE
Message: Possible typo: you repeated a whitespace
Suggestion:
... long term used is pretty subjective and depends on the persons who conducted the...
^^^
Line 8, column 162, Rule ID: WHITESPACE_RULE
Message: Possible typo: you repeated a whitespace
Suggestion:
... reached. Data and evidences about these points, will throw more light on the val...
^^^
Line 13, column 100, Rule ID: WHITESPACE_RULE
Message: Possible typo: you repeated a whitespace
Suggestion:
...used by freak accident, like slipping in a bathroom. Or it is quite possible that...
^^^
Line 15, column 33, Rule ID: EN_A_VS_AN
Message: Use 'An' instead of 'A' if the following word starts with a vowel sound, e.g. 'an article', 'an hour'
Suggestion: An
...uality of the dairy products consumed. A adulterated product can cause more harm...
^
Line 22, column 81, Rule ID: WHITESPACE_RULE
Message: Possible typo: you repeated a whitespace
Suggestion:
...wer a number of questions and hence I do not agree with the argument.
^^
Transition Words or Phrases used:
actually, also, but, first, hence, if, may, moreover, so, still, in conclusion, in the first place
Attributes: Values AverageValues Percentages(Values/AverageValues)% => Comments
Performance on Part of Speech:
To be verbs : 28.0 19.6327345309 143% => OK
Auxiliary verbs: 10.0 12.9520958084 77% => OK
Conjunction : 17.0 11.1786427146 152% => OK
Relative clauses : 12.0 13.6137724551 88% => OK
Pronoun: 23.0 28.8173652695 80% => OK
Preposition: 53.0 55.5748502994 95% => OK
Nominalization: 19.0 16.3942115768 116% => OK
Performance on vocabulary words:
No of characters: 2185.0 2260.96107784 97% => OK
No of words: 423.0 441.139720559 96% => OK
Chars per words: 5.16548463357 5.12650576532 101% => OK
Fourth root words length: 4.53508145475 4.56307096286 99% => OK
Word Length SD: 2.83766734527 2.78398813304 102% => OK
Unique words: 214.0 204.123752495 105% => OK
Unique words percentage: 0.505910165485 0.468620217663 108% => OK
syllable_count: 681.3 705.55239521 97% => OK
avg_syllables_per_word: 1.6 1.59920159681 100% => OK
A sentence (or a clause, phrase) starts by:
Pronoun: 5.0 4.96107784431 101% => OK
Article: 12.0 8.76447105788 137% => OK
Subordination: 0.0 2.70958083832 0% => More adverbial clause wanted.
Conjunction: 4.0 1.67365269461 239% => Less conjunction wanted as sentence beginning.
Preposition: 4.0 4.22255489022 95% => OK
Performance on sentences:
How many sentences: 26.0 19.7664670659 132% => OK
Sentence length: 16.0 22.8473053892 70% => The Avg. Sentence Length is relatively short.
Sentence length SD: 38.948988031 57.8364921388 67% => OK
Chars per sentence: 84.0384615385 119.503703932 70% => OK
Words per sentence: 16.2692307692 23.324526521 70% => OK
Discourse Markers: 3.76923076923 5.70786347227 66% => OK
Paragraphs: 17.0 5.15768463074 330% => Less paragraphs wanted.
Language errors: 11.0 5.25449101796 209% => Less language errors wanted.
Sentences with positive sentiment : 3.0 8.20758483034 37% => More positive sentences wanted.
Sentences with negative sentiment : 17.0 6.88822355289 247% => Less negative sentences wanted.
Sentences with neutral sentiment: 6.0 4.67664670659 128% => OK
What are sentences with positive/Negative/neutral sentiment?
Coherence and Cohesion:
Essay topic to essay body coherence: 0.118624909297 0.218282227539 54% => OK
Sentence topic coherence: 0.0322992979295 0.0743258471296 43% => OK
Sentence topic coherence SD: 0.0482456094312 0.0701772020484 69% => OK
Paragraph topic coherence: 0.0406514833583 0.128457276422 32% => Maybe some paragraphs are off the topic.
Paragraph topic coherence SD: 0.0538222473998 0.0628817314937 86% => OK
Essay readability:
automated_readability_index: 11.1 14.3799401198 77% => Automated_readability_index is low.
flesch_reading_ease: 55.24 48.3550499002 114% => OK
smog_index: 8.8 7.1628742515 123% => OK
flesch_kincaid_grade: 9.5 12.197005988 78% => OK
coleman_liau_index: 12.41 12.5979740519 99% => OK
dale_chall_readability_score: 7.9 8.32208582834 95% => OK
difficult_words: 93.0 98.500998004 94% => OK
linsear_write_formula: 6.0 12.3882235529 48% => Linsear_write_formula is low.
gunning_fog: 8.4 11.1389221557 75% => OK
text_standard: 10.0 11.9071856287 84% => OK
What are above readability scores?
---------------------
Maximum six paragraphs wanted.
Rates: 58.33 out of 100
Scores by essay e-grader: 3.5 Out of 6
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Note: the e-grader does NOT examine the meaning of words and ideas. VIP users will receive further evaluations by advanced module of e-grader and human graders.