Milk and dairy products are rich in vitamin D and calcium—substances essential for building and maintaining bones. Many people therefore say that a diet rich in dairy products can help prevent osteoporosis, a disease that is linked to both environmental and genetic factors and that causes the bones to weaken significantly with age. But a long-term study of a large number of people found that those who consistently consumed dairy products throughout the years of the study have a higher rate of bone fractures than any other participants in the study. Since bone fractures are symptomatic of osteoporosis, this study result shows that a diet rich in dairy products may actually increase, rather than decrease, the risk of osteoporosis.
In this article, the author claims that dairy products such as milk are factors of osteoporosis, not inhibitor.
To support her argument, she cites recent researches which show that among participants, participants who have continuously ate dairy food for years have a higher rate of bone damage which is symptom of osteoporosis. However, careful scrutiny reveals that this argument has several logical problems.
To begin with, citing the research, she hastily assumes that the only reason for bone damage in experiment is dietary habit which is to prefer dairy food. However, this might not be true. For example, as the author mentioned, people who have higher rate of bone fracture could be affected by genetic factor or other food which they ate during experiment and could be harmful to bone. If this is true, this argument is not cogent.
Second, even if we admit the problem resolved, there is another problem. she assumes that the bone fracture is a representative symptom of osteoporosis. This could not be truth. It could be symptom of another disease which related to bone. If she cannot explain why she thinks we can diagnose osteoporosis by bone fracture, her argument is not persuasive.
Third, citing the long-term research, the author assumes that the participants' health state have been constant for long term. As the author mentioned above, osteoporosis is very related to aging. As time passes, the participants aged, then the rate of occurrence of the disease could raise regardless of other factor such as diet, genetic factor. Until she explain the data by grouping people who are similar ages, we cannot be convinced by this argument.
To summarize, this argument is still dubious as it stands. To make this argument more persuasive, the author have to give us another data which shows that the people who prefer dairy food are not affected by other factor or other people who have similar condition with the group, except not eating dairy food, has lower rate of occurrence of the disease. And she have explain the reason why she concluded the people who have bone fracture is patient who are having or will having bone osteoporosis. Moreover, to rate more exactly, we have know that the result of the experiment may not result from naturally aging participants.
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Comments
Essay evaluation report
Attribute Value Ideal
Final score: 3.0 out of 6
Category: Satisfactory Excellent
No. of Grammatical Errors: 0 2
No. of Spelling Errors: 0 2
No. of Sentences: 19 15
No. of Words: 380 350
No. of Characters: 1855 1500
No. of Different Words: 162 200
Fourth Root of Number of Words: 4.415 4.7
Average Word Length: 4.882 4.6
Word Length SD: 2.507 2.4
No. of Words greater than 5 chars: 134 100
No. of Words greater than 6 chars: 93 80
No. of Words greater than 7 chars: 54 40
No. of Words greater than 8 chars: 31 20
Use of Passive Voice (%): 0 0
Avg. Sentence Length: 20 21.0
Sentence Length SD: 11.295 7.5
Use of Discourse Markers (%): 0.632 0.12
Sentence-Text Coherence: 0.332 0.35
Sentence-Para Coherence: 0.529 0.50
Sentence-Sentence Coherence: 0.136 0.07
Number of Paragraphs: 5 5
Grammar and spelling errors:
Line 2, column 125, Rule ID: HAVE_PART_AGREEMENT[2]
Message: Possible agreement error -- use past participle here: 'eaten'.
Suggestion: eaten
...nts, participants who have continuously ate dairy food for years have a higher rate...
^^^
Line 6, column 74, Rule ID: UPPERCASE_SENTENCE_START
Message: This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
Suggestion: She
...lem resolved, there is another problem. she assumes that the bone fracture is a rep...
^^^
Line 8, column 67, Rule ID: POSSESIVE_APOSTROPHE[1]
Message: Possible typo: apostrophe is missing. Did you mean 'participants'' or 'participant's'?
Suggestion: participants'; participant's
...m research, the author assumes that the participants health state have been constant for lon...
^^^^^^^^^^^^
Line 8, column 358, Rule ID: HE_VERB_AGR[1]
Message: The pronoun 'she' must be used with a third-person verb: 'explains'.
Suggestion: explains
...such as diet, genetic factor. Until she explain the data by grouping people who are sim...
^^^^^^^
Line 10, column 364, Rule ID: HE_VERB_AGR[1]
Message: The pronoun 'she' must be used with a third-person verb: 'has'.
Suggestion: has
...e of occurrence of the disease. And she have explain the reason why she concluded th...
^^^^
Line 10, column 369, Rule ID: HAVE_PART_AGREEMENT[1]
Message: Use past participle here: 'explained'.
Suggestion: explained
...occurrence of the disease. And she have explain the reason why she concluded the people...
^^^^^^^
Line 10, column 474, Rule ID: DID_BASEFORM[1]
Message: The verb 'will' requires the base form of the verb: 'have'
Suggestion: have
...cture is patient who are having or will having bone osteoporosis. Moreover, to rate mo...
^^^^^^
Line 10, column 540, Rule ID: HAVE_PART_AGREEMENT[1]
Message: Use past participle here: 'known'.
Suggestion: known
...Moreover, to rate more exactly, we have know that the result of the experiment may n...
^^^^
Transition Words or Phrases used:
however, if, may, moreover, second, so, still, then, third, for example, such as, to begin with
Attributes: Values AverageValues Percentages(Values/AverageValues)% => Comments
Performance on Part of Speech:
To be verbs : 22.0 19.6327345309 112% => OK
Auxiliary verbs: 11.0 12.9520958084 85% => OK
Conjunction : 5.0 11.1786427146 45% => More conjunction wanted.
Relative clauses : 21.0 13.6137724551 154% => OK
Pronoun: 35.0 28.8173652695 121% => Less pronouns wanted
Preposition: 37.0 55.5748502994 67% => OK
Nominalization: 13.0 16.3942115768 79% => OK
Performance on vocabulary words:
No of characters: 1920.0 2260.96107784 85% => OK
No of words: 380.0 441.139720559 86% => More content wanted.
Chars per words: 5.05263157895 5.12650576532 99% => OK
Fourth root words length: 4.41515443553 4.56307096286 97% => OK
Word Length SD: 2.63178420252 2.78398813304 95% => OK
Unique words: 172.0 204.123752495 84% => More unique words wanted.
Unique words percentage: 0.452631578947 0.468620217663 97% => OK
syllable_count: 611.1 705.55239521 87% => OK
avg_syllables_per_word: 1.6 1.59920159681 100% => OK
A sentence (or a clause, phrase) starts by:
Pronoun: 11.0 4.96107784431 222% => Less pronouns wanted as sentence beginning.
Article: 4.0 8.76447105788 46% => OK
Subordination: 7.0 2.70958083832 258% => Less adverbial clause wanted.
Conjunction: 1.0 1.67365269461 60% => OK
Preposition: 8.0 4.22255489022 189% => OK
Performance on sentences:
How many sentences: 20.0 19.7664670659 101% => OK
Sentence length: 19.0 22.8473053892 83% => The Avg. Sentence Length is relatively short.
Sentence length SD: 65.3367431083 57.8364921388 113% => OK
Chars per sentence: 96.0 119.503703932 80% => OK
Words per sentence: 19.0 23.324526521 81% => OK
Discourse Markers: 4.75 5.70786347227 83% => OK
Paragraphs: 6.0 5.15768463074 116% => OK
Language errors: 8.0 5.25449101796 152% => OK
Sentences with positive sentiment : 1.0 8.20758483034 12% => More positive sentences wanted.
Sentences with negative sentiment : 12.0 6.88822355289 174% => OK
Sentences with neutral sentiment: 7.0 4.67664670659 150% => OK
What are sentences with positive/Negative/neutral sentiment?
Coherence and Cohesion:
Essay topic to essay body coherence: 0.0937151683796 0.218282227539 43% => OK
Sentence topic coherence: 0.0315098463595 0.0743258471296 42% => OK
Sentence topic coherence SD: 0.0432072390955 0.0701772020484 62% => OK
Paragraph topic coherence: 0.0718983151978 0.128457276422 56% => OK
Paragraph topic coherence SD: 0.0524081016263 0.0628817314937 83% => OK
Essay readability:
automated_readability_index: 11.9 14.3799401198 83% => Automated_readability_index is low.
flesch_reading_ease: 52.19 48.3550499002 108% => OK
smog_index: 3.1 7.1628742515 43% => Smog_index is low.
flesch_kincaid_grade: 10.7 12.197005988 88% => OK
coleman_liau_index: 12.01 12.5979740519 95% => OK
dale_chall_readability_score: 7.94 8.32208582834 95% => OK
difficult_words: 81.0 98.500998004 82% => More difficult words wanted.
linsear_write_formula: 8.5 12.3882235529 69% => OK
gunning_fog: 9.6 11.1389221557 86% => OK
text_standard: 12.0 11.9071856287 101% => OK
What are above readability scores?
---------------------
Rates: 50.0 out of 100
Scores by essay e-grader: 3.0 Out of 6
---------------------
Note: the e-grader does NOT examine the meaning of words and ideas. VIP users will receive further evaluations by advanced module of e-grader and human graders.