The Smith Corporation should not be permitted to develop the land that is now part of the Youngtown Wildlife Preserve. This sanctuary is essential to the survival of the 300 bird species that live in our area. Although only a small percentage of the land

This argument stated that The Smith Corporation should not receive permission to develop the Youngtown Wildlife Preserve. The considerations behind this statement are the protection of wildlife, especially 300 bird species, the preservation of this environmental sanctuary, and the benefits of the community. These statements look convincing at the first sight, however, the connections between the causes and effects are insufficient. The following points explain what the flaws are.

First of all, it might be possible that a small percentage of development could cause disastrous consequences on the environment, yet without further evidences this kind of statement can only be an assumption. The key point of environmental effects need to be explicated is how the development affect changes on 300 birds species in this area. To be more specific, questions need to be answered, such as: what area do these birds inhabit? What is their food supply? Where do their predators live? The statement that the author made can be convincible if those questions was answered and did relate to The Smith Corporation’s development in this area.

Second, there is a leap between the development of small hotel and negative effects on this area. The development of the small hotel does not necessarily cause negative effects. The location of this hotel is the first point have to be explained. If this hotel do not locate at the inhabitant of the 300 birds and their predators, or any place approach to their food supply, the disastrous consequences cannot be confirmed. Furthermore, the author have to expand how The Smith Corporation is going to run the hotel. Is there any possibility that this company is cooperate with the governmental association? What is the plan of building a hotel in the Preserve?

Finally, the question of benefits after the development is inadequate. The author was saying that tourists bring anything but benefits the community. However, because the usage of the hotel has not been explained, we cannot judge the consequences without further explanation about what kind of tourist will visit after the development. For being the inhabitant of the 300 birds, the visitors in this Wildlife Preserve can be researchers, schools, or environmentalists. Thus, the academic or educational usage of the hotel should not consider to be a negative impact. It again depends on what is the plan that The Smith made.

The effects of development closely connect to each other and inseparable. To build a solid statement to argue the validity of The Smith Corporation, the author have to provide details about what kind of development will occur and more evidences about the negative effects on it.

Votes
Average: 8 (2 votes)
Essay Categories

If this hotel do not locate
If this hotel does not locate

the author have to expand
the author has to expand

Sentence: The statement that the author made can be convincible if those questions was answered and did relate to The Smith Corporation's development in this area.
Error: convincible Suggestion: No alternate word

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argument 1 -- OK

argument 2 -- OK

argument 3 -- OK
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Attribute Value Ideal
Score: 5.0 out of 6
Category: Very Good Excellent
No. of Grammatical Errors: 2 2
No. of Spelling Errors: 0 2
No. of Sentences: 25 15
No. of Words: 435 350
No. of Characters: 2218 1500
No. of Different Words: 194 200
Fourth Root of Number of Words: 4.567 4.7
Average Word Length: 5.099 4.6
Word Length SD: 2.94 2.4
No. of Words greater than 5 chars: 146 100
No. of Words greater than 6 chars: 125 80
No. of Words greater than 7 chars: 94 40
No. of Words greater than 8 chars: 66 20
Use of Passive Voice (%): 0 0
Avg. Sentence Length: 17.4 21.0
Sentence Length SD: 8.193 7.5
Use of Discourse Markers (%): 0.52 0.12
Sentence-Text Coherence: 0.283 0.35
Sentence-Para Coherence: 0.466 0.50
Sentence-Sentence Coherence: 0.064 0.07
Number of Paragraphs: 5 5