Regulating work enivronment for a company is a major challenge. They need to find a sweet spot where the productivity is high enough, and such that the employees are still enjoying the assigned tasks, so that they perform optimally. In the preceding recommmendation sent to the President of the Climpson Industries, the author proposes to employ implement electronic monitoring of employees' Internet use from their workstations to ramp up the productivity. Though the argument may have merit, the poorly reasoned argument relies on questionable premises and assumptions, lacks any evidentiary support, and based solely on the basis of the thesis, is invalid.
The primary issue of the argument is the lack of supporting proofs. Has the hypothesized measure for ramping up the productivity by checking the Internet usage of employee's shown promise in other similar companies, now or in the past, or in any domain whatsoever? An inherent assumption made by the author is that unchecked the Internet usage of the workers is the main cause of low-or unsatisfactory-current performance of the company. There is no mention of the prevailing market conditions; perhaps, an unfavorable market is impeding the growth of the Climpson Industries, and therefore the revenue. Also, the performance of the managers and the board of directors has not been mentioned. If the top-tier of the company is shirking their share of work, or underperforming, that is more significantly hurting the gains of the enterprise than the working population. The lack of substantiatory evidence weakens the presented argument.
Apart from lacking support in favor, the argument relies on vague premises and asumptions made by the author. The assumption that a employee is enjoying in the office if he is surfing through shopping websites might not hold true. Ordering supplies for the companies, getting broken parts repaired and arranging for maintenance of the installed machineries is a part and parcel of an industry. Also, it is fairly plausible that a person is going through these websites is not wasting time; his other tasks might be in a queue for approval by other departments or personnels, his code running, and hence, he currently has no outstanding jobs. Simply utilizing one's time at the time by multitasking is appreciable, rather than deprecatory.
Granted that the offered recommendation lacks proper structure and reasoning, it is not t say that the entire argument is without merit. It is a reasonable measure to regulate Internet usage when trying to improve he productivity of the company. Accompanying implications of such a change has to be offered too, in order to bolster the argument.
In addition, the writer assumes that Internet monitoring of other employees is covered under the law, and it does not violate the penal code of conduct. This has to verified because of the ever-changing norms of the data regulation policies.
In sum, the illogical argument offered by the writer is poorly constructed. To convince the president of his viewpoint, the writer must rephrase the argument, fix the flaws, provide justification for his assumptions and substantiate his claim. Without these emendments, his tepid thesis is likely to persuade the reader.
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Essay evaluation report
Sentence: Regulating work enivronment for a company is a major challenge.
Error: enivronment Suggestion: environment
Sentence: In the preceding recommmendation sent to the President of the Climpson Industries, the author proposes to employ implement electronic monitoring of employees' Internet use from their workstations to ramp up the productivity.
Error: recommmendation Suggestion: recommendation
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argument 1 -- not exactly. it is 'A recent national survey...', maybe the company is different to the survey.
argument 2 -- not OK. suppose electronic monitoring works, people may use their cellphone, iPad to go internet.
argument 3 -- not OK. Need to argue against the conclusion always. For this topic it is:
We predict that installing software to monitor employees' Internet use will allow us to prevent employees from wasting time, thereby increasing productivity and improving overall profits.
//doesn't mean it will be increasing productivity, and increasing productivity may not improve overall profits.
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suggestions:
need to argue according to the topic.
samples:
https://www.testbig.com/gmatgre-argument-task-essays/vice-president-hum…
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Attribute Value Ideal
Final score: 2.5 out of 6
Category: Satisfactory Excellent
No. of Grammatical Errors: 0 2
No. of Spelling Errors: 0 2
No. of Sentences: 24 15
No. of Words: 517 350
No. of Characters: 2671 1500
No. of Different Words: 267 200
Fourth Root of Number of Words: 4.768 4.7
Average Word Length: 5.166 4.6
Word Length SD: 3.094 2.4
No. of Words greater than 5 chars: 201 100
No. of Words greater than 6 chars: 166 80
No. of Words greater than 7 chars: 124 40
No. of Words greater than 8 chars: 78 20
Use of Passive Voice (%): 0 0
Avg. Sentence Length: 21.542 21.0
Sentence Length SD: 8.461 7.5
Use of Discourse Markers (%): 0.375 0.12
Sentence-Text Coherence: 0.271 0.35
Sentence-Para Coherence: 0.48 0.50
Sentence-Sentence Coherence: 0.072 0.07
Number of Paragraphs: 5 5
Grammar and spelling errors:
Line 5, column 131, Rule ID: EN_A_VS_AN
Message: Use 'an' instead of 'a' if the following word starts with a vowel sound, e.g. 'an article', 'an hour'
Suggestion: an
...made by the author. The assumption that a employee is enjoying in the office if h...
^
Line 5, column 660, Rule ID: ONES[1]
Message: Did you mean 'one's'?
Suggestion: one's
...s no outstanding jobs. Simply utilizing ones time at the time by multitasking is app...
^^^^
Line 7, column 191, Rule ID: WHITESPACE_RULE
Message: Possible typo: you repeated a whitespace
Suggestion:
...nable measure to regulate Internet usage when trying to improve he productivity o...
^^
Line 10, column 290, Rule ID: WHITESPACE_RULE
Message: Possible typo: you repeated a whitespace
Suggestion:
...ut these emendments, his tepid thesis is likely to persuade the reader.
^^
Transition Words or Phrases used:
also, hence, if, may, so, still, therefore, apart from, as to, in addition
Attributes: Values AverageValues Percentages(Values/AverageValues)% => Comments
Performance on Part of Speech:
To be verbs : 27.0 19.6327345309 138% => OK
Auxiliary verbs: 5.0 12.9520958084 39% => OK
Conjunction : 17.0 11.1786427146 152% => OK
Relative clauses : 11.0 13.6137724551 81% => OK
Pronoun: 29.0 28.8173652695 101% => OK
Preposition: 68.0 55.5748502994 122% => OK
Nominalization: 24.0 16.3942115768 146% => OK
Performance on vocabulary words:
No of characters: 2743.0 2260.96107784 121% => OK
No of words: 517.0 441.139720559 117% => OK
Chars per words: 5.30560928433 5.12650576532 103% => OK
Fourth root words length: 4.76839952204 4.56307096286 104% => OK
Word Length SD: 3.1818175939 2.78398813304 114% => OK
Unique words: 268.0 204.123752495 131% => OK
Unique words percentage: 0.518375241779 0.468620217663 111% => OK
syllable_count: 855.0 705.55239521 121% => OK
avg_syllables_per_word: 1.7 1.59920159681 106% => OK
A sentence (or a clause, phrase) starts by:
Pronoun: 10.0 4.96107784431 202% => Less pronouns wanted as sentence beginning.
Article: 12.0 8.76447105788 137% => OK
Subordination: 3.0 2.70958083832 111% => OK
Conjunction: 7.0 1.67365269461 418% => Less conjunction wanted as sentence beginning.
Preposition: 7.0 4.22255489022 166% => OK
Performance on sentences:
How many sentences: 24.0 19.7664670659 121% => OK
Sentence length: 21.0 22.8473053892 92% => OK
Sentence length SD: 52.2475411436 57.8364921388 90% => OK
Chars per sentence: 114.291666667 119.503703932 96% => OK
Words per sentence: 21.5416666667 23.324526521 92% => OK
Discourse Markers: 3.08333333333 5.70786347227 54% => More transition words/phrases wanted.
Paragraphs: 6.0 5.15768463074 116% => OK
Language errors: 4.0 5.25449101796 76% => OK
Sentences with positive sentiment : 10.0 8.20758483034 122% => OK
Sentences with negative sentiment : 8.0 6.88822355289 116% => OK
Sentences with neutral sentiment: 6.0 4.67664670659 128% => OK
What are sentences with positive/Negative/neutral sentiment?
Coherence and Cohesion:
Essay topic to essay body coherence: 0.109489354131 0.218282227539 50% => OK
Sentence topic coherence: 0.0289300125928 0.0743258471296 39% => Sentence topic similarity is low.
Sentence topic coherence SD: 0.0439824217096 0.0701772020484 63% => OK
Paragraph topic coherence: 0.0503804510283 0.128457276422 39% => Maybe some paragraphs are off the topic.
Paragraph topic coherence SD: 0.0335034127781 0.0628817314937 53% => OK
Essay readability:
automated_readability_index: 14.4 14.3799401198 100% => OK
flesch_reading_ease: 41.7 48.3550499002 86% => OK
smog_index: 8.8 7.1628742515 123% => OK
flesch_kincaid_grade: 12.7 12.197005988 104% => OK
coleman_liau_index: 13.52 12.5979740519 107% => OK
dale_chall_readability_score: 9.38 8.32208582834 113% => OK
difficult_words: 154.0 98.500998004 156% => OK
linsear_write_formula: 15.0 12.3882235529 121% => OK
gunning_fog: 10.4 11.1389221557 93% => OK
text_standard: 15.0 11.9071856287 126% => OK
What are above readability scores?
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Rates: 83.33 out of 100
Scores by essay e-grader: 5.0 Out of 6
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Note: the e-grader does NOT examine the meaning of words and ideas. VIP users will receive further evaluations by advanced module of e-grader and human graders.