The vice president of human resources at Climpson Industries sent the following recommendation to the company's president.
"In an effort to improve our employees' productivity, we should implement electronic monitoring of employees' Internet use from their workstations. Employees who use the Internet from their workstations need to be identified and punished if we are to reduce the number of work hours spent on personal or recreational activities, such as shopping or playing games. By installing software to detect employees' Internet use on company computers, we can prevent employees from wasting time, foster a better work ethic at Climpson, and improve our overall profits."
In the recommendation, the vice president of Climpson Industries provides the recommendation about monitoring the employees’ internet use and acting against the malpractices for fostering a better work ethic and improving overall profits. The conclusion as it seems might be convincing but it lies under many unfolded assumptions which when deliberately corroborated can seriously weaken the assertion made by vice president in the face of improving profit of the industry.
First of all, the vice president fails to mentions about the market condition of the industry. If the industry is on the verge of collapsing or shutdown point then the employees have nothing to do. In such a case a better policy regarding improving the industry’s sale and for finding magnate rather than cutting prevent the employees’ internet usage should be promoted. If an industry cannot be solvent then no matter what the productivity the employees pour into, a strong policy can only change their situation. If such a condition prevails, then preventing the internet usage will do nothing good for improving the profit of the industry.
Secondly, to incite the employees a company must provide some incentives in terms of promotion and allowance increment. The vice president just mentions about preventing internet use among employees which in no case will help in enhancing the employees’ productivity and efficiency towards the work. Preventing internet will only show a tyrannical behavior of the industry upon them as to bring out the best among the employees cooperative and beneficial incentives can only be the best options. The claim made by the vice president about improving the profit will never be achieved through such a strategy and efficiency is directly related to incentives. Thus, the claim made by vice president does not hold water to be true and effective in practice.
Lastly, punishing employees will never foster well for any industry, as they are the asset of any firm, their even minor contribution matter for the industry. Any minor to severe punishment which the vice president fails to mentions hamper the efficiency and working will among the employees. Punishment is never a way to have a job done; this principal stands for children and for adult as well. Any deriding behavior will tarnish the reputation and fame of the industry that cannot be coped easily. The vice president assumes that punishing will be best way to improve efficiency where he falls short about the unprecedented consequences which may bear thereafter. Therefore, the aim of improving profit will be far way from being achieved.
In the end, the conclusion as it stands now is based on several unwarranted assumptions which when analyzed closely hampers the assertion of vice president. Therefore, more convincing evidences are needed to support the claim.
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Comments
e-rater score report
Attribute Value Ideal
Final score: 3.0 out of 6
Category: Satisfactory Excellent
No. of Grammatical Errors: 0 2
No. of Spelling Errors: 0 2
No. of Sentences: 20 15
No. of Words: 455 350
No. of Characters: 2350 1500
No. of Different Words: 212 200
Fourth Root of Number of Words: 4.619 4.7
Average Word Length: 5.165 4.6
Word Length SD: 2.829 2.4
No. of Words greater than 5 chars: 168 100
No. of Words greater than 6 chars: 140 80
No. of Words greater than 7 chars: 116 40
No. of Words greater than 8 chars: 82 20
Use of Passive Voice (%): 0 0
Avg. Sentence Length: 22.75 21.0
Sentence Length SD: 6.602 7.5
Use of Discourse Markers (%): 0.7 0.12
Sentence-Text Coherence: 0.335 0.35
Sentence-Para Coherence: 0.335 0.50
Sentence-Sentence Coherence: 0.094 0.07
Number of Paragraphs: 1 5
Grammar and spelling errors:
Line 2, column 43, Rule ID: TO_NON_BASE[1]
Message: The verb after "to" should be in the base form: 'mention'.
Suggestion: mention
...rst of all, the vice president fails to mentions about the market condition of the indus...
^^^^^^^^
Line 4, column 224, Rule ID: TO_NON_BASE[1]
Message: The verb after "to" should be in the base form: 'mention'.
Suggestion: mention
...hment which the vice president fails to mentions hamper the efficiency and working will ...
^^^^^^^^
Line 4, column 548, Rule ID: THE_SUPERLATIVE[4]
Message: A determiner is probably missing here: 'be the best'.
Suggestion: be the best
...e president assumes that punishing will be best way to improve efficiency where he fall...
^^^^^^^
Transition Words or Phrases used:
but, first, if, lastly, may, regarding, second, secondly, so, then, therefore, thus, well, as to, first of all
Attributes: Values AverageValues Percentages(Values/AverageValues)% => Comments
Performance on Part of Speech:
To be verbs : 16.0 19.6327345309 81% => OK
Auxiliary verbs: 18.0 12.9520958084 139% => OK
Conjunction : 13.0 11.1786427146 116% => OK
Relative clauses : 10.0 13.6137724551 73% => More relative clauses wanted.
Pronoun: 11.0 28.8173652695 38% => OK
Preposition: 53.0 55.5748502994 95% => OK
Nominalization: 14.0 16.3942115768 85% => OK
Performance on vocabulary words:
No of characters: 2408.0 2260.96107784 107% => OK
No of words: 455.0 441.139720559 103% => OK
Chars per words: 5.29230769231 5.12650576532 103% => OK
Fourth root words length: 4.61852021839 4.56307096286 101% => OK
Word Length SD: 2.93140513998 2.78398813304 105% => OK
Unique words: 219.0 204.123752495 107% => OK
Unique words percentage: 0.481318681319 0.468620217663 103% => OK
syllable_count: 748.8 705.55239521 106% => OK
avg_syllables_per_word: 1.6 1.59920159681 100% => OK
A sentence (or a clause, phrase) starts by:
Pronoun: 2.0 4.96107784431 40% => OK
Article: 10.0 8.76447105788 114% => OK
Subordination: 4.0 2.70958083832 148% => OK
Conjunction: 0.0 1.67365269461 0% => OK
Preposition: 4.0 4.22255489022 95% => OK
Performance on sentences:
How many sentences: 20.0 19.7664670659 101% => OK
Sentence length: 22.0 22.8473053892 96% => OK
Sentence length SD: 47.2064349427 57.8364921388 82% => OK
Chars per sentence: 120.4 119.503703932 101% => OK
Words per sentence: 22.75 23.324526521 98% => OK
Discourse Markers: 5.5 5.70786347227 96% => OK
Paragraphs: 5.0 5.15768463074 97% => OK
Language errors: 3.0 5.25449101796 57% => OK
Sentences with positive sentiment : 11.0 8.20758483034 134% => OK
Sentences with negative sentiment : 8.0 6.88822355289 116% => OK
Sentences with neutral sentiment: 1.0 4.67664670659 21% => More facts, knowledge or examples wanted.
What are sentences with positive/Negative/neutral sentiment?
Coherence and Cohesion:
Essay topic to essay body coherence: 0.265445720611 0.218282227539 122% => OK
Sentence topic coherence: 0.0862392088352 0.0743258471296 116% => OK
Sentence topic coherence SD: 0.0671793032497 0.0701772020484 96% => OK
Paragraph topic coherence: 0.154970296654 0.128457276422 121% => OK
Paragraph topic coherence SD: 0.0845284144884 0.0628817314937 134% => OK
Essay readability:
automated_readability_index: 14.9 14.3799401198 104% => OK
flesch_reading_ease: 49.15 48.3550499002 102% => OK
smog_index: 8.8 7.1628742515 123% => OK
flesch_kincaid_grade: 11.9 12.197005988 98% => OK
coleman_liau_index: 13.7 12.5979740519 109% => OK
dale_chall_readability_score: 8.34 8.32208582834 100% => OK
difficult_words: 104.0 98.500998004 106% => OK
linsear_write_formula: 14.0 12.3882235529 113% => OK
gunning_fog: 10.8 11.1389221557 97% => OK
text_standard: 14.0 11.9071856287 118% => OK
What are above readability scores?
---------------------
Rates: 66.67 out of 100
Scores by essay e-grader: 4.0 Out of 6
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Note: the e-grader does NOT examine the meaning of words and ideas. VIP users will receive further evaluations by advanced module of e-grader and human graders.