Essay topics:

Milk and dairy products are rich in vitamin D and calcium—substances essential for building and maintaining bones. Many people therefore say that a diet rich in dairy products can help prevent osteoporosis, a disease that is linked to both environmental and genetic factors and that causes the bones to weaken significantly with age. But a long-term study of a large number of people found that those who consistently consumed dairy products throughout the years of the study have a higher rate of bone fractures than any other participants in the study. Since bone fractures are symptomatic of osteoporosis, this study result shows that a diet rich in dairy products may actually increase, rather than decrease, the risk of osteoporosis.

Write a response in which you discuss what specific evidence is needed to evaluate the argument and explain how the evidence would weaken or strengthen the argument.

Composition:

The group of people who have consistently consumed dairy products throughout the years may have had fractures more than other people, but the author of the article makes number of unsubstantiated assumptions about the risk of disease. Based on these assumptions, the author boldly claims that the consumption of the dairy products actually increases the risk of osteoporosis (OS).Though the argument or study is made for the betterment of the society, it may fail to achieve the goal because it is flawed.

The author’s first mistake is to assume that many people think that the disease OS can be prevented by consumption of dairy products and that the disease is associated with number of environmental and genetic factors. Although people may think that the dairy products may be good for their bones on the whole, the author has no basis to assert that people think that the disease is prevented by consuming such products. It is not stated that how many people are of this opinion. May be only the grandma living next door to the author thinks so or may be a very large population is of this view.

Secondly, the author states that the study conducted led him to the conclusion that the people who consume dairy products throughout their lives have a higher rate of bone fracture. The author never states that how many people were included in the study and for how long were they studied. Also it is not stated that what kind of people were included in the group and what were their environmental and genetic condition. May the people that were under study were football players or may be hockey players and there were no computer nerd included in the study group. Obviously, the people involved in games tend to have a higher rate of injury and may be fracture. Also it does not make sense that to consider the consumption of dairy products, the cause of this disease when author himself states that the disease is caused by many environmental and genetic factors.

Lastly, the author states that bone fractures are symptoms of OS, therefore the consumption of dairy products increase the risk of OS. The author states this on the above flawed assumptions and also wrongly assumes that any kind of fracture is an indication of OS. It may be true that OS is accompanied with weak bones but with someone having a fracture because of a car accident is not likely the case of OS. Also it is not stated that in which conditions these fractures occurred. For instance , if the person injured got a fracture by only a gentle kick of his best buddy, may be a sign of poor bone condition. Neither is the body structure or the genetic makeup is stated.

The author’s argument can be very powerful and persuasive if the author were to include certain assumptions. For example if the author were to include the type of study that was carried and by whom, the people that participated in it, their daily activities and genetic make-up and also the detail of why where and how these fractures occurred , can make the authors argument very powerful. With these kind of assertions the authors call might be more justifiable.

Time 40min

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2018-09-12 duskcloudxu 63 view
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Sentence: May the people that were under study were football players or may be hockey players and there were no computer nerd included in the study group.
Description: The tag a noun, singular, proper is not usually followed by the
Suggestion: Refer to May and the

Sentence: For example if the author were to include the type of study that was carried and by whom, the people that participated in it, their daily activities and genetic make-up and also the detail of why where and how these fractures occurred , can make the authors argument very powerful.
Error: make-up Suggestion: makeup

Attribute Value Ideal
Score: 4.5 out of 6
Category: Good Excellent
No. of Grammatical Errors: 1 2
No. of Spelling Errors: 1 2
No. of Sentences: 21 15
No. of Words: 543 350
No. of Characters: 2528 1500
No. of Different Words: 208 200
Fourth Root of Number of Words: 4.827 4.7
Average Word Length: 4.656 4.6
Word Length SD: 2.489 2.4
No. of Words greater than 5 chars: 173 100
No. of Words greater than 6 chars: 118 80
No. of Words greater than 7 chars: 79 40
No. of Words greater than 8 chars: 42 20
Use of Passive Voice (%): 0 0
Avg. Sentence Length: 25.857 21.0
Sentence Length SD: 10.625 7.5
Use of Discourse Markers (%): 0.857 0.12
Sentence-Text Coherence: 0.352 0.35
Sentence-Para Coherence: 0.555 0.50
Sentence-Sentence Coherence: 0.151 0.07
Number of Paragraphs: 5 5