The luxuries and conveniences of contemporary life prevent people from developing into truly strong and independent individuals.
Write a response in which you discuss the extent to which you agree or disagree with the statement and explain your reasoning for the position you take. In developing and supporting your position, you should consider ways in which the statement might or might not hold true and explain how these considerations shape your position.
It is popularly believed that the luxuries and conveniences of today's world impede our developing into really footloose and strong persons. However, does this statement hold true? To answer on this question we look at it via different time, locations and people. Perhaps some unstated factors such as individual's character impact on person's development.
To begin with, the writer avers that today's luxuries and conveniences have negative impact on us; consequently, if we annihilate this factor, person will not have any barriers to become truly independent. Is this statement correct? To answer on the question we may look at the Middle Ages, unfortunately, an average medieval resident is not strong or independent he or she is artless, illiterate and easily impacted by external forces such as church and the inquisition; thus the absence of the convenience does not automatically create strong and independent person.
Furthermore, from the author’s claim we may conclude that any person who have access to these luxuries and conveniences cannot become truly independent and strong but today's person will behave in different ways in different locations, for instance, a person, who yesterday played video-games and depended on his or her parents ,will dramatically change his behavior in case the circumstances will change as well. For example, an individual who recently was a school student may become a soldier. In this case, new circumstances will force him to become stronger and be able to make his own decision even if all of these conveniences and luxuries will be available for him during the period when he serves.
Moreover, even people who are live in similar conditions may develop different personal characteristics despite the availability of the achievements of modernity. For instance, two brothers may have disparate future, one may become weak and addictive, when the second brother may develop strong person. For example, a personal computer is a luxury and convenience at the same time, an individual may use it to learn and acquire knowledge or the have fun and leisure. One person may train his or her will and continue to study even if he is distracted by attractive activities and the second person may submit to them and be guided by his desire and whim.
In conclusion, we often tend to blame modern luxuries and conveniences in our passiveness and dependence on them; however, these luxuries do not force you to react on them. We have demonstrated that a mere fact that these miracles of modernity are available does not inescapably lead to person's deterioration. They do not impede person's development. Perhaps some other unstated factors make one person footloose and the second one dependent.
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these miracles of modernity are available does not inescapably lead to person's deterioration.
these miracles of modernity which are available do not inescapably lead to person's deterioration.
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argument 1 -- out of scope: 'thus the absence of the convenience does not automatically create strong and independent person', and the topic is for 'contemporary life', you can't use examples from Middle Ages.
argument 2 -- OK
argument 3 -- OK
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Attribute Value Ideal
Score: 3.5 out of 6
Category: Satisfactory Excellent
No. of Grammatical Errors: 1 2
No. of Spelling Errors: 0 2
No. of Sentences: 18 15
No. of Words: 440 350
No. of Characters: 2248 1500
No. of Different Words: 215 200
Fourth Root of Number of Words: 4.58 4.7
Average Word Length: 5.109 4.6
Word Length SD: 2.919 2.4
No. of Words greater than 5 chars: 178 100
No. of Words greater than 6 chars: 124 80
No. of Words greater than 7 chars: 98 40
No. of Words greater than 8 chars: 62 20
Use of Passive Voice (%): 0 0
Avg. Sentence Length: 24.444 21.0
Sentence Length SD: 15.742 7.5
Use of Discourse Markers (%): 0.833 0.12
Sentence-Text Coherence: 0.318 0.35
Sentence-Para Coherence: 0.539 0.50
Sentence-Sentence Coherence: 0.149 0.07
Number of Paragraphs: 5 5