Some people believe that children should be allowed to stay at home and play until they are six or seven years old others believe that it is important for young children to go school as soon possible.What do you think are the advantages of attending schoo

Children are essential part of the basic unit in our society. Most people encourage new parents to send their children in school at an early age, but some disagree to the extent of letting their young ones enjoy their growing years at home and allowed them to experience school by the time they reaches six or seven years old.In my own perspective, I agree with the former opinion. This essay will scrutinize the two sides of the argument.

To begin, during this fragile developmental stage of these children they are more likely to be sleepy and playful. They have limited attention span and as a result they become easily exhausted and their interest was subjected to diminished instantly. For instance, children would probably be more inquisitive socially especially if they do not have other siblings. Majority of them preferred playing than learning. Hence, as their mother or father scolded them to indulge in learning more. Some would unexpectedly quit going to school. Therefore, parents purpose of sending them early to an institution was defeated.

In contrary, immature ones under seven years old needs appropriate parental guidance. Both parents should be aware with their children's growth. In particular, if they find that their children had an exemplary enthusiasm towards schooling, they might not hesitate to support them, since during this formative years certain aspects were incrementally incorporated in their lives such as cognitive, intellectual, physical, psychological and spiritual transformation, which are all pivotal for a rewarding future.

On the other hand, it is undeniable that children are smarter, open-minded and optimistic. Through constant interaction with other juveniles this may help build camaraderie, so it aids them to build their confidence socially. As a matter of fact, young ones might discover by sharing anything with their classmates might provide them with joyful emotions and satisfaction. As a result, advantages of early training at school inevitably is helpful in molding them for a brighter future.

In conclusion, sending kids to school at an early age have more benefits, also parents vital role is essential at this stage. Moreover, to generate a responsible citizens in this world parental support and love are significant in every development of a human being preferably when it comes to education.

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Average: 5 (3 votes)
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IELTS Writing Task II - IELTS Academic
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Children are essential part
Children are an essential part
Children are the essential part

of letting their young ones enjoy their growing years at home and allowed them to experience school
of letting their young ones enjoy their growing years at home and allow them to experience school

Sentence: Most people encourage new parents to send their children in school at an early age, but some disagree to the extent of letting their young ones enjoy their growing years at home and allowed them to experience school by the time they reaches six or seven years old.In my own perspective, I agree with the former opinion.
Description: A pronoun, personal, nominative, not 3rd person singular is not usually followed by a verb, present tense, 3rd person singular
Suggestion: Refer to they and reaches

Sentence: They have limited attention span and as a result they become easily exhausted and their interest was subjected to diminished instantly.
Description: The token to is not usually followed by a verb, past participle
Suggestion: Refer to to and diminished

Sentence: Therefore, parents purpose of sending them early to an institution was defeated.
Description: A noun, plural, common is not usually followed by a noun, singular, common
Suggestion: Refer to parents and purpose

as their mother or father scolded them to indulge in learning more. Some would unexpectedly quit going to school
as their mother or father scolded them to indulge in learning more, some would unexpectedly quit going to school

immature ones under seven years old needs appropriate parental guidance.
immature ones under seven years old need appropriate parental guidance.

young ones might discover by sharing anything with their classmates might provide them with joyful emotions and satisfaction
Description: two verbs in one sentence. can you re-write this sentence?

advantages of early training at school inevitably is helpful in molding them for a brighter future.
advantages of early training at school inevitably are helpful in molding them for a brighter future.

sending kids to school at an early age have more benefits,
sending kids to school at an early age has more benefits,

also parents vital role is essential
also parents' vital role is essential

flaws:
No. of Grammatical Errors: 11 2

Read a good grammar book.

Attribute Value Ideal
Score: 6.0 out of 9
Category: Good Excellent
No. of Grammatical Errors: 11 2
No. of Spelling Errors: 0 2
No. of Sentences: 19 15
No. of Words: 373 350
No. of Characters: 1944 1500
No. of Different Words: 225 200
Fourth Root of Number of Words: 4.395 4.7
Average Word Length: 5.212 4.6
Word Length SD: 2.777 2.4
No. of Words greater than 5 chars: 140 100
No. of Words greater than 6 chars: 116 80
No. of Words greater than 7 chars: 85 40
No. of Words greater than 8 chars: 50 20
Use of Passive Voice (%): 0 0
Avg. Sentence Length: 19.632 21.0
Sentence Length SD: 13.267 7.5
Use of Discourse Markers (%): 0.579 0.12
Sentence-Text Coherence: 0.277 0.35
Sentence-Para Coherence: 0.504 0.50
Sentence-Sentence Coherence: 0.121 0.07
Number of Paragraphs: 5 5

Overall good essay if structure is proper then you will get a higher score.

Its better to write two paragraph in between introduction and conclusion. You written three paragraph after introduction that too you mentioned that in introduction that you are going to see two sides of the argument so it should be two paragraph. What i noticed you written another second introduction that para is not necessary or you can add it in the contrary paragraph. According to me you written three side argument based on the introducing words like to begin, In contrary, On the other hand.

All the best for your hard work.