Money has been deceiving people since the history started. They raced each other and kept trying to gain more. In this materialized world, money became the main purpose for most people. Therefore, any occupation is evaluated according to its money’s outcome. Some people think that business people are motivated by their passion towards business life. Other people believe that business people are motivated only by money. In my opinion the second opinion is true. Business people are motivated mainly by money.
To start with, these days, money occupies a pivotal place in life and society. Even though it doesn't seem ideal, but it determines people social life and prestige. The more you spend, the more respected you will be. And the easier life you will live. In order to spend more, we have to earn more. And that is a big motivator for business people to follow. For example, last week I was watching a TV show called Shark Tank. This show is operated by a group of wealthy and successful business people. The show is about evaluating small business offers, and making deals when the business if it is attractive and profitable. Every time they choose the offer that brings them more profit, in less expense. Because, those sharks are eager to earn more money, in order to let their wealth prosper and grow ever bigger. They need to maintain their prestige through the luxury personal plane, and the pricey accessories. In fact, they don’t care about the business passion or idea. The only motivator is money and wealth.
Furthermore, money can help people including business people to be more active in their communities. Being wealthy allows us to help other people whom are in-need. In fact, the Money desire is not exclusively linked to greedy people. But it can help good people achieving charity projects. For example, our neighbor is a business man; he is very active in charity projects. He donates generously for many organizations to help people whom are in-need. I admire his wisdom, he always explains to me how money motivates him in his career, because without money he can’t help people and change people’s lives. These words taught me how money is a strong motivator for all businessmen in their work.
To sum up, money is essential part in our lives. And it is a strong motivator for businesspeople. Since it is a mean to show our prestige and social level. And it could be a good tool in helping other people. We should work hard in our community, and try our best in all charity projects.
Even though it doesn't seem ideal, but it determines people
Description: don't put 'even though' 'but' in one sentence.
and making deals when the business if it is attractive and profitable.
and making deals with the business if it is attractive and profitable.
to help people whom are in-need.
to help people who are in-need.
money is essential part in our lives
money is an essential part in our lives
Sentence: And it is a strong motivator for businesspeople.
Error: businesspeople Suggestion: business people
flaws:
No. of Grammatical Errors: 4 2
Attribute Value Ideal
Score: 24 in 30
Category: Good Excellent
No. of Grammatical Errors: 4 2
No. of Spelling Errors: 1 2
No. of Sentences: 35 15
No. of Words: 435 350
No. of Characters: 2021 1500
No. of Different Words: 228 200
Fourth Root of Number of Words: 4.567 4.7
Average Word Length: 4.646 4.6
Word Length SD: 2.358 2.4
No. of Words greater than 5 chars: 142 100
No. of Words greater than 6 chars: 87 80
No. of Words greater than 7 chars: 57 40
No. of Words greater than 8 chars: 32 20
Use of Passive Voice (%): 0 0
Avg. Sentence Length: 12.429 21.0
Sentence Length SD: 4.038 7.5
Use of Discourse Markers (%): 0.343 0.12
Sentence-Text Coherence: 0.275 0.35
Sentence-Para Coherence: 0.415 0.50
Sentence-Sentence Coherence: 0.131 0.07
Number of Paragraphs: 4 5