Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? Television has destroyed communication among friends and family. Use specific reasons and examples to support your opinion
Many people believe that television has negative effects on our social relationships. I assert that usually watching more than three hours every day can cause problems. In our society people watching movies a lot, encounter to some undeniable problems. These problems are able to grow and make mental and even physical diseases. The following examples illustrate probable TV harms might happen in families and social groups:
First, when a person watches movie a lot, he will not have enough time to visit his family’s members and after a short period of time he’ll be addicted to movies and he has no any other entertainments and then he cannot play his role in his family and friends. For example my brother is only 13; he watches movies from morning to night and doesn’t take part in family’s activities. His teacher warned to my parents he should be activated by family and involved in relevant groups.
Second, movies have indirect effects in our mind and after watching movies with same topics and events, we expect the similar result. For example, many people want are caught in ideal parameters after watching movies and they want have ideal face, body, home and social positions. For example we had a neighbor who watched satellite movies every night. His wife told me, he gradually became bad tempered and finally he divorced because he believed that his spouse was not beautiful enough. So TV and many movies expand ideal vision and it has pernicious side effects for our society.
All in all, destructive consequences of movies and Television can be controlled by health ministry of governments and they should warn family what kind of problems can be made by this box at our home.
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Comments
Dear sir or madam My mark
Dear sir or madam
My mark range is between 21 to 25. How can I improve it?
wishes
Try not always use pronouns
Try not always use pronouns as subject of a sentence.
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flaws:
More sentences varieties wanted. Try to use less pronouns or not to use pronouns (like 'It, I, They, We, You...') as the subject of a sentence. Look:
First, when a person watches movie a lot,
he will not have enough time to visit his family’s members and after a short period of time
he’ll be addicted to movies and
he has no any other entertainments and then
he cannot play his role in his family and friends. For example my brother is only 13; he watches movies from morning to night and doesn’t take part in family’s activities. His teacher warned to my parents
he should be activated by family and involved in relevant groups.
Attribute Value Ideal
Score: 21 in 30
Category: Good Excellent
No. of Grammatical Errors: 0 2
No. of Spelling Errors: 0 2
No. of Sentences: 14 15
No. of Words: 289 350
No. of Characters: 1379 1500
No. of Different Words: 175 200
Fourth Root of Number of Words: 4.123 4.7
Average Word Length: 4.772 4.6
Word Length SD: 2.449 2.4
No. of Words greater than 5 chars: 109 100
No. of Words greater than 6 chars: 67 80
No. of Words greater than 7 chars: 45 40
No. of Words greater than 8 chars: 20 20
Use of Passive Voice (%): 0 0
Avg. Sentence Length: 20.643 21.0
Sentence Length SD: 10.451 7.5
Use of Discourse Markers (%): 0.571 0.12
Sentence-Text Coherence: 0.348 0.35
Sentence-Para Coherence: 0.563 0.50
Sentence-Sentence Coherence: 0.158 0.07
Number of Paragraphs: 4 5