People listen to music for different reasons and at different times. Why is
music important to many people? Use specific reasons and examples to
support your choice.
The music plays an important part in our lives. It is said that music is used as a way to relax and cope with our problems. Even more, some individuals think that they might bring the attention of a woman with music. Doctors also claims that music is healthy, even though some people become irritated when listen to the radio. In my perspective, the music is important for people for some reasons that I will develop in the next paragraphs.
First of all, there is nothing more relaxing than listen to a good song. In today's hectic life, people manage stress in different ways and the music is one of those. Therefore, the music distracts and makes you forget that you have problems. For instance, my job is really stressful and usually when I arrive home, I go straight to my room and turn on the radio. I play bachata because it works as a remedy for me, in other words, it relaxes me. Even more, I found that when I study with a soft melody of music, I can concentrate much better.
In addition, people love music because it is healthy. The music has been used for psychologists as a therapy to treat depression. Inasmuch as more research is done about music, more usages are found. Heretofore, doctors didn't know that music might be a good treatment to help people lose weight. Because when anxious individuals are desperate for eating, the music make them feel relax, and also they can manage his or her mind better, so it has the same effects as drugs. Therefore, people listen to music because it improves health.
Nevertheless, I'm mindful that some genres of music are not appropriate because their songs are uncomfortable or very loud. Any way, the music might be enjoyed with an adequate volume.
To sum up, for the reasons stated above, I consider that people love music because it is relaxing, it helps people to lose weight and even it might be good to study.
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| 2015-10-26 | wellington025 | 80 | view |
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Comments
Hello, Try to use less
Hello,
Try to use less pronouns or not to use pronouns (like 'I, They, We...') as subject.
Do you mean that I should use the subject's name instead of the pronoun?
Thank you.
Look at those sentences, the
Look at those sentences, the subjects of those sentences are all 'I'.
I arrive home,
I go straight to my room and turn on the radio.
I play bachata because it works as a remedy for me, in other words, it relaxes me. Even more,
I found that when
I study with a soft melody of music,
I can concentrate much better.
Try to use less pronouns or not to use pronouns (like 'I, They, We...') as the subject of a sentence.
Doctors also claims that
Doctors also claim that
some people become irritated when listen to the radio.
some people become irritated when they listen to the radio.
some people become irritated when listening to the radio.
than listen to a good song.
than listening to a good song.
Sentence: Because when anxious individuals are desperate for eating, the music make them feel relax, and also they can manage his or her mind better, so it has the same effects as drugs.
Description: The fragment music make them is rare
Suggestion: Possible agreement error: Replace make with verb, past tense
Because when anxious individuals are desperate for eating, the music make them feel relax, and also they can manage his or her mind better,
Description: 'they' refers to what? Be sensitive to use pronoun.
flaws:
No. of Grammatical Errors: 5 2
More sentences varieties wanted. Try to use less pronouns or not to use pronouns (like 'I, They, We...') as subject:
For instance, my job is really stressful and usually when I arrive home, I go straight to my room and turn on the radio. I play bachata because it works as a remedy for me, in other words, it relaxes me. Even more, I found that when I study with a soft melody of music, I can concentrate much better.
Attribute Value Ideal
Score: 20 in 30
Category: Satisfactory Excellent
No. of Grammatical Errors: 5 2
No. of Spelling Errors: 0 2
No. of Sentences: 20 15
No. of Words: 338 350
No. of Characters: 1491 1500
No. of Different Words: 174 200
Fourth Root of Number of Words: 4.288 4.7
Average Word Length: 4.411 4.6
Word Length SD: 2.327 2.4
No. of Words greater than 5 chars: 90 100
No. of Words greater than 6 chars: 57 80
No. of Words greater than 7 chars: 34 40
No. of Words greater than 8 chars: 22 20
Use of Passive Voice (%): 0 0
Avg. Sentence Length: 16.9 21.0
Sentence Length SD: 6.426 7.5
Use of Discourse Markers (%): 0.5 0.12
Sentence-Text Coherence: 0.355 0.35
Sentence-Para Coherence: 0.535 0.50
Sentence-Sentence Coherence: 0.098 0.07
Number of Paragraphs: 5 5