Some parent offer their school-age children money for each high grade (mark) they get in school Do you think this is a good idea?Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer.

Essay topics:

Some parent offer their school-age children money for each high grade (mark) they get in school Do you think this is a good idea?
Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer.

As the competition between young people is increasingly fierce, parents are attaching more and more importance to children's performance in the school. Particularly, the majority of parents hope their children to get high grades and some of them even incentivize kids to do so by offering money for each good mark. As far as I am concerned, this is not a good idea for the following reasons.
To begin with, the money strategy might not work and even backfire. As we all know, the outcome of an exam is not only affected by the subjective willing of children, but also by other factors such as the physical state of children and the difficulty of test paper. If a child is having a fever when taking the test, his or her score is highly possible to be not very ideal even though he or she has prepared for it well under the incentive of money. Or, if the test turn out to be really hard and the highest score is only 70 out of 100, there is no way that children can get high scores. In this sense, financial incentive sometimes cannot guarantee good marks. Besides, it might lead to the circumstance that some children cheat in the exam or lie about their marks in order to get the money. And examples related to this phenomenon abound. Therefore, offering money to school age children to encourage them to get high scores is not desirable.
Moreover, even if this approach is effective, grade should not be the only focus of parents. Admittedly, some students can get high score thorough their own efforts because they work harder under the attraction of money. However, this is not something to be so happy about. For school-age children, their performances should not be solely valued by scores. They need to be encouraged to develop more abilities in an all-round way. For example, it is essential for them to master the ability to get along well with other people. If parents only focus on scores and confine children in a small study with the lure of money, they will be deprived of the privilege of social life. And it is safe to say children raised up this way might have more trouble dealing with others. So I do not think it is a responsible method to give children money in change of good scores.
In my opinion, a more desirable and responsible approach to improve children’s scores as well as develop other necessary capabilities is that parents care more about them, take some time to help them with schoolwork, and take some time to explore the world with them. Money is not the penicillin of every problem. And grade is not the only thing children need.
To put it in a nutshell, parents should ponder over the way to bring up children. As discussed above, it is not a good idea to offer money for children to get high scores.

Votes
Average: 7 (1 vote)
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Comments

Grammar and spelling errors:
Line 3, column 411, Rule ID: IN_A_X_MANNER[1]
Message: Consider replacing "in an all-round way" with adverb for "all-round"; eg, "in a hasty manner" with "hastily".
...be encouraged to develop more abilities in an all-round way. For example, it is essential for them ...
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^

Transition Words or Phrases used:
also, besides, but, however, if, moreover, really, so, therefore, well, for example, such as, as well as, in my opinion, to begin with

Attributes: Values AverageValues Percentages(Values/AverageValues)% => Comments

Performance on Part of Speech:
To be verbs : 25.0 15.1003584229 166% => OK
Auxiliary verbs: 12.0 9.8082437276 122% => OK
Conjunction : 15.0 13.8261648746 108% => OK
Relative clauses : 4.0 11.0286738351 36% => More relative clauses wanted.
Pronoun: 37.0 43.0788530466 86% => OK
Preposition: 74.0 52.1666666667 142% => OK
Nominalization: 5.0 8.0752688172 62% => OK

Performance on vocabulary words:
No of characters: 2262.0 1977.66487455 114% => OK
No of words: 493.0 407.700716846 121% => OK
Chars per words: 4.58823529412 4.8611393121 94% => OK
Fourth root words length: 4.71206996034 4.48103885553 105% => OK
Word Length SD: 2.56408227161 2.67179642975 96% => OK
Unique words: 235.0 212.727598566 110% => OK
Unique words percentage: 0.476673427992 0.524837075471 91% => More unique words wanted or less content wanted.
syllable_count: 718.2 618.680645161 116% => OK
avg_syllables_per_word: 1.5 1.51630824373 99% => OK

A sentence (or a clause, phrase) starts by:
Pronoun: 9.0 9.59856630824 94% => OK
Article: 4.0 3.08781362007 130% => OK
Subordination: 8.0 3.51792114695 227% => Less adverbial clause wanted.
Conjunction: 5.0 1.86738351254 268% => Less conjunction wanted as sentence beginning.
Preposition: 4.0 4.94265232975 81% => OK

Performance on sentences:
How many sentences: 25.0 20.6003584229 121% => OK
Sentence length: 19.0 20.1344086022 94% => OK
Sentence length SD: 53.3243059027 48.9658058833 109% => OK
Chars per sentence: 90.48 100.406767564 90% => OK
Words per sentence: 19.72 20.6045352989 96% => OK
Discourse Markers: 5.36 5.45110844103 98% => OK
Paragraphs: 5.0 4.53405017921 110% => OK
Language errors: 1.0 5.5376344086 18% => OK
Sentences with positive sentiment : 11.0 11.8709677419 93% => OK
Sentences with negative sentiment : 10.0 3.85842293907 259% => Less negative sentences wanted.
Sentences with neutral sentiment: 4.0 4.88709677419 82% => OK
What are sentences with positive/Negative/neutral sentiment?

Coherence and Cohesion:
Essay topic to essay body coherence: 0.375550071618 0.236089414692 159% => OK
Sentence topic coherence: 0.112355203839 0.076458572812 147% => OK
Sentence topic coherence SD: 0.087522332386 0.0737576698707 119% => OK
Paragraph topic coherence: 0.239229129093 0.150856017488 159% => OK
Paragraph topic coherence SD: 0.0923478007374 0.0645574589148 143% => OK

Essay readability:
automated_readability_index: 10.0 11.7677419355 85% => Automated_readability_index is low.
flesch_reading_ease: 60.65 58.1214874552 104% => OK
smog_index: 3.1 6.10430107527 51% => Smog_index is low.
flesch_kincaid_grade: 9.5 10.1575268817 94% => OK
coleman_liau_index: 9.34 10.9000537634 86% => OK
dale_chall_readability_score: 7.56 8.01818996416 94% => OK
difficult_words: 93.0 86.8835125448 107% => OK
linsear_write_formula: 11.0 10.002688172 110% => OK
gunning_fog: 9.6 10.0537634409 95% => OK
text_standard: 10.0 10.247311828 98% => OK
What are above readability scores?

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Rates: 70.0 out of 100
Scores by essay e-grader: 21.0 Out of 30
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Note: the e-grader does NOT examine the meaning of words and ideas. VIP users will receive further evaluations by advanced module of e-grader and human graders.