TPO-46 - Independent Writing Task
Do you agree or disagree with the following statement?
The opinions of celebrities, such as famous entertainers and athletes, are more important to younger people than they are to older people.
Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer.
In today's world, renowned people such as actors and athletes have been highly praised by society and also play an important role in leading a society. With this in mind, a heated controversy exists as to whether famous people are more important to younger people or older people. In my point of view, younger people are more prone to be affected by celebrities' opinion for some reasons. Two of them will be discussed in the following paragraphs.
The first reason that should be mentioned to support my side why ideas of celebrities are crucial for young people is that the young people are more independent and are more eager to follow someone; therefore, who would be better than celebrities to be followed by young people. The more eager and independent individuals are, the more possible they are to follow someone. Take my personal experience as an example. Since I was studying at high school and I could be able to vote for choosing a president for my country, all celebrities have been supporting a specific candidate among them were some celebrities which I supported them. No wonder was it to accept their opinions, and finally, I voted to the chosen candidate. In contrast, my parents and my siblings who are older than me stayed on their opinions and voted for their candidate
The other equal reason that I want to assert in order to hold my view about the tendency of juvenile people who the idea of celebrities is important for them is that the adolescent people want to support celebrities as a hobby. In nowadays, all societies are struggling with some political and economic issue, so young people who want to overcome this tough occasion are more willing to busy and amuse themselves by supporting and following celebrities and pursue their activities whether in real life or in social media. A research, which has been done by a renowned university in Iran, reveals that most majorities of young people are being affected by celebrities opinions because young people observe the activity of celebrities. Moreover, the young people were asked about the reason or reasons which caused them to follow and support the celebrities, nearly all of them answered that we wanted to release ourselves from our problem. Old people, in contrast, usually concentrate on the problem to come up with a solution; therefore, for them, the celebrities and their opinions are not important.
all in all, by taking all the aforementioned reasons and examples into account, one can conclude that the views of famous people are more important for young people that older people because not only are the independent and more eager to follow someone, but also they want to redirect their mind from problems that are struggling with.
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Grammar and spelling errors:
Line 1, column 199, Rule ID: WHETHER[6]
Message: Can you shorten this phrase to just 'whether', or rephrase the sentence to avoid "as to"?
Suggestion: whether
...is in mind, a heated controversy exists as to whether famous people are more important to you...
^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Line 1, column 350, Rule ID: POSSESIVE_APOSTROPHE[1]
Message: Possible typo: apostrophe is missing. Did you mean 'celebrities'' or 'celebrity's'?
Suggestion: celebrities'; celebrity's
...people are more prone to be affected by celebrities opinion for some reasons. Two of them w...
^^^^^^^^^^^
Line 5, column 229, Rule ID: IN_NOWADAYS[1]
Message: nowadays is used without 'in'. Use simply: 'nowadays'.
Suggestion: Nowadays
...want to support celebrities as a hobby. In nowadays, all societies are struggling with some...
^^^^^^^^^^^
Line 7, column 1, Rule ID: UPPERCASE_SENTENCE_START
Message: This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
Suggestion: All
...nd their opinions are not important. all in all, by taking all the aforementione...
^^^
Transition Words or Phrases used:
also, but, finally, first, if, moreover, so, therefore, as to, in contrast, such as
Attributes: Values AverageValues Percentages(Values/AverageValues)% => Comments
Performance on Part of Speech:
To be verbs : 32.0 15.1003584229 212% => Less to be verbs wanted.
Auxiliary verbs: 5.0 9.8082437276 51% => OK
Conjunction : 20.0 13.8261648746 145% => OK
Relative clauses : 16.0 11.0286738351 145% => OK
Pronoun: 44.0 43.0788530466 102% => OK
Preposition: 64.0 52.1666666667 123% => OK
Nominalization: 2.0 8.0752688172 25% => More nominalizations (nouns with a suffix like: tion ment ence ance) wanted.
Performance on vocabulary words:
No of characters: 2277.0 1977.66487455 115% => OK
No of words: 461.0 407.700716846 113% => OK
Chars per words: 4.93926247289 4.8611393121 102% => OK
Fourth root words length: 4.63367139033 4.48103885553 103% => OK
Word Length SD: 2.67734501352 2.67179642975 100% => OK
Unique words: 216.0 212.727598566 102% => OK
Unique words percentage: 0.468546637744 0.524837075471 89% => More unique words wanted or less content wanted.
syllable_count: 730.8 618.680645161 118% => OK
avg_syllables_per_word: 1.6 1.51630824373 106% => OK
A sentence (or a clause, phrase) starts by:
Pronoun: 2.0 9.59856630824 21% => OK
Article: 8.0 3.08781362007 259% => Less articles wanted as sentence beginning.
Subordination: 1.0 3.51792114695 28% => OK
Conjunction: 2.0 1.86738351254 107% => OK
Preposition: 8.0 4.94265232975 162% => OK
Performance on sentences:
How many sentences: 15.0 20.6003584229 73% => Need more sentences. Double check the format of sentences, make sure there is a space between two sentences, or have enough periods. And also check the lengths of sentences, maybe they are too long.
Sentence length: 30.0 20.1344086022 149% => The Avg. Sentence Length is relatively long.
Sentence length SD: 95.4627094152 48.9658058833 195% => OK
Chars per sentence: 151.8 100.406767564 151% => OK
Words per sentence: 30.7333333333 20.6045352989 149% => OK
Discourse Markers: 5.53333333333 5.45110844103 102% => OK
Paragraphs: 4.0 4.53405017921 88% => OK
Language errors: 4.0 5.5376344086 72% => OK
Sentences with positive sentiment : 8.0 11.8709677419 67% => OK
Sentences with negative sentiment : 4.0 3.85842293907 104% => OK
Sentences with neutral sentiment: 3.0 4.88709677419 61% => OK
What are sentences with positive/Negative/neutral sentiment?
Coherence and Cohesion:
Essay topic to essay body coherence: 0.238558020869 0.236089414692 101% => OK
Sentence topic coherence: 0.0956196136848 0.076458572812 125% => OK
Sentence topic coherence SD: 0.0730150674785 0.0737576698707 99% => OK
Paragraph topic coherence: 0.179541386632 0.150856017488 119% => OK
Paragraph topic coherence SD: 0.0410659189427 0.0645574589148 64% => OK
Essay readability:
automated_readability_index: 17.2 11.7677419355 146% => OK
flesch_reading_ease: 41.03 58.1214874552 71% => OK
smog_index: 8.8 6.10430107527 144% => OK
flesch_kincaid_grade: 15.0 10.1575268817 148% => OK
coleman_liau_index: 11.96 10.9000537634 110% => OK
dale_chall_readability_score: 8.55 8.01818996416 107% => OK
difficult_words: 100.0 86.8835125448 115% => OK
linsear_write_formula: 10.5 10.002688172 105% => OK
gunning_fog: 14.0 10.0537634409 139% => OK
text_standard: 9.0 10.247311828 88% => OK
What are above readability scores?
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Better to have 5 paragraphs with 3 arguments. And try always support/against one side but compare two sides, like this:
para 1: introduction
para 2: reason 1. address both of the views presented for reason 1
para 3: reason 2. address both of the views presented for reason 2
para 4: reason 3. address both of the views presented for reason 3
para 5: conclusion.
So how to find out those reasons. There is a formula:
reasons == advantages or
reasons == disadvantages
for example, we can always apply 'save time', 'save/make money', 'find a job', 'make friends', 'get more information' as reasons to all essay/speaking topics.
or we can apply 'waste time', 'waste money', 'no job', 'make bad friends', 'get bad information' as reasons to all essay/speaking topics.
Rates: 73.3333333333 out of 100
Scores by essay e-grader: 22.0 Out of 30
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Note: the e-grader does NOT examine the meaning of words and ideas. VIP users will receive further evaluations by advanced module of e-grader and human graders.