TPO 46 Integrated Writing Task

The reading passage presents the advantages of adopting electronic record systems in order to store patients' medical information. The lecturer, on the other hand, characterizes those advantages in the writer's arguments as "uncertain".

First, according to the article, the use of electronic databases will help reduce a significant amount of expenditure for storing and transferring medical records. The speaker is doubtful that this will be the case. She further explains doctors don't tend to throw out their paper records but prefer to keep them as a back-up in case of emergency or for legal reasons. If they have to pay for another means of storing, there won't be much of a cost reduction.

Second, while the writer claims that computerized records can prevent the chances of medical errors which have led to serious consequences, the speaker seems certain that those mistakes will not be likely to be eliminated completely. This is because most doctors takes notes and writes prescriptions using pen and paper. It's the hospital office staff who transcribes these notes to the electronic systems, which doesn't necessarily mean there will be no wrong interpretations caused by illegible handwriting.

Third, even though the idea of medical databases in the assistance of medical research appears simple and advantageous as it is described in the passage, the speaker emphasizes that it will be a challenge to access and use them. She cites the fact that all patients' medical records are under the protection of strict privacy law. If researchers want to collect these private data, they will have to go through an immense amount of permission from each patient. This is not to mention most people won't give consent to the use of their personal information.

Votes
Average: 8 (1 vote)
Essay Categories
Essays by the user:

flaws:
No. of Words: 289 250
Write the essay in 20 minutes.

Attribute Value Ideal
Final score: 25 in 30
Category: Good Excellent
No. of Grammatical Errors: 0 2
No. of Spelling Errors: 0 2
No. of Sentences: 13 12
No. of Words: 289 250
No. of Characters: 1454 1200
No. of Different Words: 169 150
Fourth Root of Number of Words: 4.123 4.2
Average Word Length: 5.031 4.6
Word Length SD: 2.789 2.4
No. of Words greater than 5 chars: 107 80
No. of Words greater than 6 chars: 89 60
No. of Words greater than 7 chars: 48 40
No. of Words greater than 8 chars: 36 20
Use of Passive Voice (%): 0 0
Avg. Sentence Length: 22.231 21.0
Sentence Length SD: 8.303 7.5
Use of Discourse Markers (%): 0.538 0.12
Sentence-Text Coherence: 0.318 0.35
Sentence-Para Coherence: 0.549 0.50
Sentence-Sentence Coherence: 0.071 0.07
Number of Paragraphs: 4 4