In some countries, teenagers have jobs while they are still students. Do you think this is a good idea? Support your opinion by using specific reasons and details.

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In some countries, teenagers have jobs while they are still students. Do you think this is a good idea? Support your opinion by using specific reasons and details.

Who has not needed some additional money when was a students at school or college? Think about it and it is probable that in order to earn some extra money you have worked or have thought in working while you were still a pupil. Personally I think that studying and working at the same time is not good idea. Although this would make students get some profits, this idea will make students fail in some courses, do not have enough time to do other things or quit completely studying.

First and foremost, to study conciously and accomplish requeriments of work need to dedicate enough time each one. If you work partial or complete time, you have to “sacrifice” beneficial time which was going to use in studying some course, for completing your tasks of your work. In addition, working need that you spend energy which would be necessary to study later. After your work time you will not have the time and energy to study; and therefore, failing in a course or even some courses is very possible.

Secondly, when a students dedicate to work and study at same time, they will not spend time in other important activities for a correct development and life. These activities could be doing some sport, getting entertainment or even sleeping. The time for doing both things correctly could occupy all your day. For example, when I was at the last year of my school studies, a friend started to work in a factory. However, soon he noticed that all his time was consumed by working and studying. I encouraged him to play soccer or go to cinema, but I always got the same answer: No, thanks. I could not even slept in order to complete homeworks.

Last but not least, money could make change your initial idea of finishing your studies. Depending of the student, it is true that when a pupil starts to gain money, he/she shifts the way to see the studies. He/she could ask himself/herself: Why do I need to study, if I can already earn money? Or study is not necessary now. Thus, these questions combined with the failure of courses make students develop the bad ideas to quit studying in order to gain more money. For instance, a friend of university, as soon as we began the college career, dedicated to work, the money made change his mind and he did not care to fail or pass a course, he just go to university because it is required by his parents. Soon he stopped of studying and at present he realized the lost time, he is studying now meanwhile all friends have finished the career.

In a nutshell, taking into account these reasons, we can reach the conclusion that although some students would prefer to work and study together, I strongly believe that it is better to finish studies in order to start working. You will not regret to choose this way.

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Secondly, when a students dedicate
Suggestion: Secondly, when students dedicate

Sentence: First and foremost, to study conciously and accomplish requeriments of work need to dedicate enough time each one.
Error: conciously Suggestion: consciously
Error: requeriments Suggestion: requirements

flaws:
Need to polish sentences. check online and learn paraphrasing.

Attribute Value Ideal
Score: 24 in 30
Category: Good Excellent
No. of Grammatical Errors: 5 2
No. of Spelling Errors: 2 2
No. of Sentences: 24 15
No. of Words: 497 350
No. of Characters: 2196 1500
No. of Different Words: 224 200
Fourth Root of Number of Words: 4.722 4.7
Average Word Length: 4.419 4.6
Word Length SD: 2.291 2.4
No. of Words greater than 5 chars: 135 100
No. of Words greater than 6 chars: 102 80
No. of Words greater than 7 chars: 62 40
No. of Words greater than 8 chars: 28 20
Use of Passive Voice (%): 0 0
Avg. Sentence Length: 20.708 21.0
Sentence Length SD: 9.458 7.5
Use of Discourse Markers (%): 0.625 0.12
Sentence-Text Coherence: 0.306 0.35
Sentence-Para Coherence: 0.496 0.50
Sentence-Sentence Coherence: 0.179 0.07
Number of Paragraphs: 5 5