If you could have any job in the world, what would it be? Use details to support response.

18 in 30

Your big problem is that you don't use pattern properly. for example, the first reason: 'it was my dream'. then you give the example that you had this dream in high school. it doesn't mean something. Instead, you will need to give reasons why 'it was my dream', and what is the advantages of the dream. Try this pattern for Q1-Q2:

first 1-2 sentences: introduction. my opinion: A or B. agree or disagree. about 5-10 seconds

First, reason 1 (1 sentence) + why reason 1 (some arguments. 1-2 sentence) + a small conclusion for reason 1(like advantages of reason 1 or comparisons if not reason 1, 1-2 sentence). // about 15-20 seconds

Second, reason 2 (1 sentence) + why reason 2 (some arguments. 1-2 sentence) + a small conclusion for reason 2(like advantages of reason 2 or comparisons if not reason 2, 1-2 sentence). // about 15-20 seconds

Conclusion: Don't need a conclusion. (you can have one only when you don't have something to talk about)

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An example (Eating at home or restaurant) for First:
First,reason 1 (1 sentence: Eating at home can save money) + why reason 1(some arguments. 1-2 sentences: I can prepare cheaper food from food market; I don't need to drive or take a bus to reach the restaurant;) + small conclusions ( 1-2 sentences: with the money I saved, I can buy a good book to read; I can use the money for a trip...).