Argument essay 3
“The CoffeeCart beverage and food service located in the lobby of our main office building is not earning enough in sales to cover its costs, and so the cart may discontinue operating at GBS. Given the low staff morale, as evidenced by the increase in the number of employees leaving the company, the loss of this service could present a problem,especially since the staff morale questionnaire showed widespread dissatisfaction with the snack machines.Therefore, supervisors should remind the employees in their group to patronize the cart—after all, it was leased for their convenience so that they would not have to walk over to the cafeteria on breaks.”
The argument states that due to the loss of CoffeeCart beverage and food services will present a problem to the company more as there are increase in the number of employees leaving the firm. The argument failed to mention several key factors on the basis of which it could be evaluated. The conclusion relies on the assumption for which there are no clear evidence.Hence, the conclusion is weak and unconvincing and has several flaws.
Firstly,the argument assumes that discounting the operation of cart in the lobby is only the best option available. The argument is stretch and unsupported. The author fails to mention the other reason which are impacting the sales such as quality of the food, cost as compare to outside cart and waiting time in queue. If these information was available then the argument can be justified but due to the lack in evidences and information, the argument is weak and unconvincing.
Second, the argument claims that keeping the cart service will keep the employees more as compared to other companies since they provide service which is of employee preference as per the survey on staff morale. The argument can be partially true but lacks evidence. As stated in the above argument that there is increased in the number of the employee leaving the company although they provide coffee and food service to employee.
Finally, the argument claims that due to the frequent reminder by the supervisors will help the employee to save time and will stop the number of exist and improve the sales of the cart. The argument misses the main point the quality of the food available in the local food services as compared to the outside one. And just by providing in the premises would not confirmed that employee will save time until the service provided by coffee and food service inside the premises is fast and efficient.Without convincing evidence, one is left with the impression that the claim is more of a wishful thinking rather than substantive evidence.
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Sentence: Given the low staff morale, as evidenced by the increase in the number of employees leaving the company, the loss of this service could present a problem,especially since the staff morale questionnaire showed widespread dissatisfaction with the snack machines.Therefore, supervisors should remind the employees in their group to patronize the cartafter all, it was leased for their convenience so that they would not have to walk over to the cafeteria on breaks.
Description: The fragment Given the is rare
Suggestion: Possible agreement error: Replace Given with verb, base: uninflected present, imperative or infinitive
Sentence: The argument states that due to the loss of CoffeeCart beverage and food services will present a problem to the company more as there are increase in the number of employees leaving the firm.
Description: The fragment increase in the is not usually preceded by are
Suggestion: Possible agreement error: Replace are with is
Sentence: The author fails to mention the other reason which are impacting the sales such as quality of the food, cost as compare to outside cart and waiting time in queue.
Description: A conjunction, subordinating is not usually followed by a verb, base: uninflected present, imperative or infinitive
Suggestion: Refer to as and compare
flaw:
No. of Different Words: 153 200
Attribute Value Ideal
Score: 4.5 out of 6
Category: Good Excellent
No. of Grammatical Errors: 4 2
No. of Spelling Errors: 0 2
No. of Sentences: 13 15
No. of Words: 338 350
No. of Characters: 1628 1500
No. of Different Words: 153 200
Fourth Root of Number of Words: 4.288 4.7
Average Word Length: 4.817 4.6
Word Length SD: 2.495 2.4
No. of Words greater than 5 chars: 116 100
No. of Words greater than 6 chars: 96 80
No. of Words greater than 7 chars: 64 40
No. of Words greater than 8 chars: 31 20
Use of Passive Voice (%): 0 0
Avg. Sentence Length: 26 21.0
Sentence Length SD: 11.734 7.5
Use of Discourse Markers (%): 0.538 0.12
Sentence-Text Coherence: 0.395 0.35
Sentence-Para Coherence: 0.589 0.50
Sentence-Sentence Coherence: 0.075 0.07
Number of Paragraphs: 4 5