Argument Essay 4
The argument states that Mental health experts have observed that symptoms of mental illness is less pronounced or observed in many patient who took the group music therapy. And due to the recent increase in the music therapy jobs, university should increase their enrollment target which will improve the university financials. The argument failed to mention several key factors, on the basis of which it could be evaluated. The conclusion of the argument relies on the assumptions for which there is no clear evidence. Hence, the argument is weak, unconvincing and has several flaws.
First, the argument readily assumes that music therapy is the best way to heal the mental illness. The argument is a stretch and unsupported. The argument does not clearly mention the other therapies and their effectiveness. Also the argument does not mention the statistics of the patients who took the therapy and effective to how many patients. The argument would have been more clearer if argument have explicitly stated the above reasons.
Second, the argument claims that due to the recent increase in the music therapy jobs would lead the good position in jobs to maximum student studying the music therapy in university. This is again a weak and unsupported claims which does not demonstrate the correlation between job demands and student studying health therapy. To illustrate, argument does not properly shows the comparison between last year and current year placement records. If there were already hundred percent student placed in past than the increase in the jobs will be the least evaluation criteria for increasing the enrollment. If the argument have provided the clear projection and statistics then it would have been more convincing.
Finally, the argument states that to help improve financial status of the omega university, it should expand music therapy program by increasing enrollment target. The argument may be partially true but again lacks evidence or information related to the enrollment. To illustrate, if the enrollment in the music therapy class never get complete enrollment then there will be no reason to increase in the enrollment target.
Also it does not clearly provide information such as how much music therapy class contribute in the financials of the university? what is the past year enrollment status?. Without the convincing answer to these questions, one is left with the impression that claim is more of wishful thinking rather than on the substantive evidence.
In conclusion, the argument is flawed on the above mentioned reasons and unconvincing. It could be considerably strengthened the argument if the author has provide the relevant facts and projections as mentioned in above paragraphs. Without these information, the argument remained unsubstantiated and open to debate.
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Sentence: It could be considerably strengthened the argument if the author has provide the relevant facts and projections as mentioned in above paragraphs.
Description: A verb 'to have', present tense, 3rd person singular is not usually followed by a verb, base: uninflected present, imperative or infinitive
Suggestion: Refer to has and provide
Sentence: And due to the recent increase in the music therapy jobs, university should increase their enrollment target which will improve the university financials.
Error: financials Suggestion: No alternate word
Sentence: Also it does not clearly provide information such as how much music therapy class contribute in the financials of the university? what is the past year enrollment status?.
Error: financials Suggestion: No alternate word
Attribute Value Ideal
Score: 5.0 out of 6
Category: Very Good Excellent
No. of Grammatical Errors: 1 2
No. of Spelling Errors: 2 2
No. of Sentences: 23 15
No. of Words: 445 350
No. of Characters: 2334 1500
No. of Different Words: 190 200
Fourth Root of Number of Words: 4.593 4.7
Average Word Length: 5.245 4.6
Word Length SD: 2.732 2.4
No. of Words greater than 5 chars: 179 100
No. of Words greater than 6 chars: 149 80
No. of Words greater than 7 chars: 99 40
No. of Words greater than 8 chars: 58 20
Use of Passive Voice (%): 0 0
Avg. Sentence Length: 19.348 21.0
Sentence Length SD: 6.383 7.5
Use of Discourse Markers (%): 0.565 0.12
Sentence-Text Coherence: 0.356 0.35
Sentence-Para Coherence: 0.536 0.50
Sentence-Sentence Coherence: 0.116 0.07
Number of Paragraphs: 5 5