This prompt introduced a survey conducted to examine consumers’ preferences about video-games and gives a conclusion that the sales of whirlwind company will go up again. The result of the survey shows that players prefer games with lifelike graphics. And the author believes that if Whirlwind company introduces such games and do a big advertising campaign, it is likely to turn their sales up again. This conclusion, however seems groundless due to several aspects.
To start with, the author of the article provides a fact that the sales of a video game company is going down in past 2 years. The problem is that he also assumes that it is because this company didn’t introduce video games with life-like graphics, which is testified to receive most popularity among consumers that has led to the sales decline. In fact, we cannot find any demonstration or evidences about the root cause of their sales decline in past two years. There may be many other reasons that causes such decline, for example the population fluctuation and overall economy situation. Until the author rules out all other possibilities leading to sales decline, we cannot rashly conclude that Whirlwind will gain its sale if it adopt such a campaign.
In addition, it is assumed that Whirlwind company will also upgrade its PC in order to better implement new video-games with lifelike graphics. On the contrary, the author fails to mention such a fact. According to the survey, those games that attract most players required the most up-to-grade computers. If Whirlwind company introduces such games without upgrading their computers, it will greatly affect consumers’ playing experience. And it will ultimately affect the sales of their video-games. To ensure the success of their business plan, the author must also provide fact that Whirlwind company upgrade their computers.
Lastly, the author assumes that by catering consumer’s preferences about video games will naturally bring an increase to the sales. This conclusion lacks enough support as well. Since people don’t buy anything they like. Some other factors are impacting on their decision making like product prices, product quality etc. Even if the products satisfy consumers’ preferences, they might still choose not to buy it simply because its high price. The author should also prove in this argument that there are no other factors that prevents consumers from purchasing.
Finally, this argument doesn’t provide enough evidence to support the conclusion of sales increase in several areas. To strengthen the conclusion, the author must elaborate points mentioned above and consider in a well-rounded manner. Only when the author rules out other possibilities that might hinder the sales, will this argument become convincible.
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Essay evaluation report
argument 1 -- OK, but duplicate to the argument 3
argument 2 -- the topic didn't say: Whirlwind company will also upgrade its PC. it just said: According to the survey, players prefer games that provide lifelike graphics, which require the most up-to-date computers.
argument 3 -- OK
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also need to argue:
Whirlwind has just introduced several such games with an extensive advertising campaign directed at people ten to twenty-five years old, the age-group most likely to play video games.
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Attribute Value Ideal
Final score: 3.0 out of 6
Category: Satisfactory Excellent
No. of Grammatical Errors: 0 2
No. of Spelling Errors: 0 2
No. of Sentences: 23 15
No. of Words: 443 350
No. of Characters: 2283 1500
No. of Different Words: 223 200
Fourth Root of Number of Words: 4.588 4.7
Average Word Length: 5.153 4.6
Word Length SD: 2.584 2.4
No. of Words greater than 5 chars: 170 100
No. of Words greater than 6 chars: 133 80
No. of Words greater than 7 chars: 83 40
No. of Words greater than 8 chars: 57 20
Use of Passive Voice (%): 0 0
Avg. Sentence Length: 19.261 21.0
Sentence Length SD: 7.803 7.5
Use of Discourse Markers (%): 0.696 0.12
Sentence-Text Coherence: 0.308 0.35
Sentence-Para Coherence: 0.506 0.50
Sentence-Sentence Coherence: 0.09 0.07
Number of Paragraphs: 5 5
Grammar and spelling errors:
Line 2, column 740, Rule ID: IT_VBZ[1]
Message: Did you mean 'adopts'?
Suggestion: adopts
...that Whirlwind will gain its sale if it adopt such a campaign. In addition, it is as...
^^^^^
Line 5, column 214, Rule ID: IN_A_X_MANNER[1]
Message: Consider replacing "in a well-rounded manner" with adverb for "well-rounded"; eg, "in a hasty manner" with "hastily".
...ate points mentioned above and consider in a well-rounded manner. Only when the author rules out other p...
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Transition Words or Phrases used:
also, finally, however, if, lastly, may, so, still, then, well, for example, in addition, in fact, on the contrary, to start with
Attributes: Values AverageValues Percentages(Values/AverageValues)% => Comments
Performance on Part of Speech:
To be verbs : 9.0 19.6327345309 46% => More to be verbs wanted.
Auxiliary verbs: 15.0 12.9520958084 116% => OK
Conjunction : 7.0 11.1786427146 63% => OK
Relative clauses : 18.0 13.6137724551 132% => OK
Pronoun: 46.0 28.8173652695 160% => Less pronouns wanted
Preposition: 59.0 55.5748502994 106% => OK
Nominalization: 12.0 16.3942115768 73% => OK
Performance on vocabulary words:
No of characters: 2375.0 2260.96107784 105% => OK
No of words: 440.0 441.139720559 100% => OK
Chars per words: 5.39772727273 5.12650576532 105% => OK
Fourth root words length: 4.57997565096 4.56307096286 100% => OK
Word Length SD: 2.8192217656 2.78398813304 101% => OK
Unique words: 229.0 204.123752495 112% => OK
Unique words percentage: 0.520454545455 0.468620217663 111% => OK
syllable_count: 732.6 705.55239521 104% => OK
avg_syllables_per_word: 1.7 1.59920159681 106% => OK
A sentence (or a clause, phrase) starts by:
Pronoun: 11.0 4.96107784431 222% => Less pronouns wanted as sentence beginning.
Article: 8.0 8.76447105788 91% => OK
Subordination: 4.0 2.70958083832 148% => OK
Conjunction: 2.0 1.67365269461 119% => OK
Preposition: 9.0 4.22255489022 213% => Less preposition wanted as sentence beginnings.
Performance on sentences:
How many sentences: 24.0 19.7664670659 121% => OK
Sentence length: 18.0 22.8473053892 79% => The Avg. Sentence Length is relatively short.
Sentence length SD: 41.3766364228 57.8364921388 72% => OK
Chars per sentence: 98.9583333333 119.503703932 83% => OK
Words per sentence: 18.3333333333 23.324526521 79% => OK
Discourse Markers: 5.375 5.70786347227 94% => OK
Paragraphs: 5.0 5.15768463074 97% => OK
Language errors: 2.0 5.25449101796 38% => OK
Sentences with positive sentiment : 13.0 8.20758483034 158% => OK
Sentences with negative sentiment : 4.0 6.88822355289 58% => More negative sentences wanted.
Sentences with neutral sentiment: 7.0 4.67664670659 150% => OK
What are sentences with positive/Negative/neutral sentiment?
Coherence and Cohesion:
Essay topic to essay body coherence: 0.311547980954 0.218282227539 143% => OK
Sentence topic coherence: 0.093589650062 0.0743258471296 126% => OK
Sentence topic coherence SD: 0.0807360654782 0.0701772020484 115% => OK
Paragraph topic coherence: 0.181824613984 0.128457276422 142% => OK
Paragraph topic coherence SD: 0.0877319692902 0.0628817314937 140% => OK
Essay readability:
automated_readability_index: 13.2 14.3799401198 92% => Automated_readability_index is low.
flesch_reading_ease: 44.75 48.3550499002 93% => OK
smog_index: 8.8 7.1628742515 123% => OK
flesch_kincaid_grade: 11.5 12.197005988 94% => OK
coleman_liau_index: 14.04 12.5979740519 111% => OK
dale_chall_readability_score: 8.69 8.32208582834 104% => OK
difficult_words: 116.0 98.500998004 118% => OK
linsear_write_formula: 11.0 12.3882235529 89% => OK
gunning_fog: 9.2 11.1389221557 83% => OK
text_standard: 9.0 11.9071856287 76% => OK
What are above readability scores?
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Rates: 58.33 out of 100
Scores by essay e-grader: 3.5 Out of 6
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Note: the e-grader does NOT examine the meaning of words and ideas. VIP users will receive further evaluations by advanced module of e-grader and human graders.