Some people think that no one should be allowed to work after the age of 65 others say that people should be allowed to work for as long as they want to Which argument do you agree or disagree

Sentence: In this modern era , competition level is very high and everyone wants to start earning and working as soon as possible but issue arise when it comes When to end it ? , hence people share debatable view wether there should be a fixed retirement age or people should work for as long they desire to .
Description: The fragment issue arise when is rare
Suggestion: Possible agreement error: Replace arise with verb, past tense

Sentence: On the other side some people assert that their should be no age limit , because if anybody is physically fit and not oblivious or obtuse due to age then must be allowed to work .
Description: A determiner, possessive is not usually followed by a modal auxillary
Suggestion: Refer to their and should

Sentence: As for example , decisions made by venerable persons are always for the welfare of country and society just because of there experience , such as in law field judges and in teaching by lecturers because they have rife knowledge and experience .
Description: The fragment of there experience is rare

Sentence: To recapitulate , it would be better to fix maximum age of working as 65 years ,except some jobs which require plethora of experience ,so , that everyone get a fare chance to work and have jubilant experience by reaching at zenith of his / her career.
Description: The fragment everyone get a is rare

flaws:
No. of Grammatical Errors: 4 2

Read a good grammar book.

Don't put a space before punctuation marks.
Always put a space after punctuation marks. E-rater is sensitive.

Attribute Value Ideal
Score: 6.5 out of 9
Category: Good Excellent
No. of Grammatical Errors: 4 2
No. of Spelling Errors: 0 2
No. of Sentences: 14 15
No. of Words: 368 350
No. of Characters: 1719 1500
No. of Different Words: 204 200
Fourth Root of Number of Words: 4.38 4.7
Average Word Length: 4.671 4.6
Word Length SD: 2.559 2.4
No. of Words greater than 5 chars: 120 100
No. of Words greater than 6 chars: 82 80
No. of Words greater than 7 chars: 52 40
No. of Words greater than 8 chars: 39 20
Use of Passive Voice (%): 0 0
Avg. Sentence Length: 26.286 21.0
Sentence Length SD: 14.567 7.5
Use of Discourse Markers (%): 0.643 0.12
Sentence-Text Coherence: 0.311 0.35
Sentence-Para Coherence: 0.579 0.50
Sentence-Sentence Coherence: 0.069 0.07
Number of Paragraphs: 5 5

Sentence: but issue arise when it comes When to end it ? ,
Suggestion: but issues arise when it comes When to end it ? ,

Sentence: On the other side some people assert that their should be no age limit ,
Suggestion: On the other side some people assert that there should be no age limit ,

Sentence: ... just because of there experience ,
Suggestion: ... just because of their experience ,

Sentence: that everyone get a fare chance to work and have jubilant experience by reaching at zenith of his / her career.
Suggestion: that everyone got(or gets) a fare chance to work and have jubilant experience by reaching at zenith of his / her career.