Computer and television affect people do less physical activities and get more health problems. Do you agree or disagree, give solution.
Recently, invention of many electronic such as computer and television bring us to get more leisure time and do less exercises. Moreover, it gives them negative effect on their health; whereas there are positive effect happened because that’s inventions.
Television and computer trigger us to do a lot of fun works, give us more information about the latest world issues, and connect us to many people around by an easier way just sit down in front of the screen. If the people have habit of taking exercise routine, this television and computer will not change the habits by keeping good of time management. They suppose to use this computer and television as much as their utilities without forgetting to take physical activities.
In other ways, people who work in much physical activities such as farmer, factory labor, and athletes can be influenced by computer and television if they failed to take time management. Watching television and playing with computers more than 6 hours daily will bring them to habit that could not be controlled and it makes them do less physical activities. Moreover, this is similar when they get relax by sit with their stuff of machines without doing any exercises.
People said that more health problems come from how long time they spend to watch television or play with computer. The longer time they take the higher number of diseases they get. Unfortunately, the length of using their leisure time is not only a factor that impact to their health. Factors such as stress, congenital, environmental changes, and other life style will trigger and impact their health body. The invention of new technologies would not be blame as main cause o health problems.
In my conclusion, I agree if the people keep routine exercises no matter what their job, they won’t be influenced from negative effects of computers and television. But, we suppose to give more concentration to these newer technologies that will impact our health if we use more than our utilities.
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2013-11-19 | avista_nada | 63 | view |
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Sentence: Moreover, it gives them negative effect on their health; whereas there are positive effect happened because that's inventions.
Description: A determiner/pronoun, singular is not usually followed by a noun, plural, common
Suggestion: Refer to that's and inventions
Sentence: People said that more health problems come from how long time they spend to watch television or play with computer.
Description: The fragment how long time is rare
flaws:
Need to focus on the essay topic.
Attribute Value Ideal
Score: 5.0 out of 9
Category: Satisfactory Excellent
No. of Grammatical Errors: 2 2
No. of Spelling Errors: 0 2
No. of Sentences: 15 15
No. of Words: 335 350
No. of Characters: 1634 1500
No. of Different Words: 175 200
Fourth Root of Number of Words: 4.278 4.7
Average Word Length: 4.878 4.6
Word Length SD: 2.563 2.4
No. of Words greater than 5 chars: 113 100
No. of Words greater than 6 chars: 79 80
No. of Words greater than 7 chars: 59 40
No. of Words greater than 8 chars: 36 20
Use of Passive Voice (%): 0 0
Avg. Sentence Length: 22.333 21.0
Sentence Length SD: 6.896 7.5
Use of Discourse Markers (%): 0.533 0.12
Sentence-Text Coherence: 0.342 0.35
Sentence-Para Coherence: 0.591 0.50
Sentence-Sentence Coherence: 0.12 0.07
Number of Paragraphs: 5 5