Some people think that success in life comes from taking risks or chances. Others think that success results from careful planning. In your opinion, what does success come from? use specific reasons and examples to support your opinion.
Many people think that careful planning for the future is the key element to achieve success. They say that planning makes everything organized and helps in avoiding a lot of obstacles. Although I understand their point of view, I have different opinion. I think a little of risk-taking is perfect for success because it motivates the mind to think out of the box, and it makes the person usually alerts.
First, if all the people did the same thing in a traditional way, we will see no new inventions. Although careful planning can make some people more successful than others, they all will be still at the same point. On the other hand, risk takers convert the community to another level, they think out of the box always, as a result, they come with perfect solutions to the problems and they invent new products. For example, in my home country, the graduate youth not always find the suitable jobs that fit their studying field. Now most of them are not looking for regular job to work for a big company to get the big salary, instead, some of them started their own small businesses in different fields. We can see the engineer who works in some handmade arts and he started to sell his products and get himself a new income. Also, I saw a lawyer who couldn’t find a job in her field, rather than being unemployed or accepting any job, she started to sell some sorts of desserts with the quality of the homemade food. In a couple month, she was having hundreds of loyal customers. Those people and other thought out of the box took the risk of starting a new thing which may fail or may success. They kept their minds on their tasks and didn’t fear the risk. As a result, they started to achieve the fruits of their success emotionally, financially and socially.
Second, the risk taker person is usually alert to anything happens around him, this makes him a chance hunter. While the careful planning person is moving in certain steps, this can’t help in hunt chances. We have a proverb says “chances come once at a lifetime”. If the person used this chance in a proper way, most probably, great success will follow. For an instant, Mark zuckerberg “Facebook inventor” he got the idea of the Facebook just to tease his girlfriend at some point, By the time, the youth started to love this idea and started to share their photos on this website. In my opinion, If Mark wasn’t alert enough and didn’t make good use of this chance and updated his website, he wouldn’t be one of the richest people in the world. If he only depended on the planning, he might be an ordinary person not know to any of us.
In conclusion, I encourage the community and the parents to help their risk taker kids, encourage and support them, being in their backs. This will definitely will level up our community and make some improvement to everything surrounding us.
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- TOEFL T P O 4 - Integrated Writing Task 3
Grammar and spelling errors:
Line 2, column 46, Rule ID: IN_A_X_MANNER[1]
Message: Consider replacing "in a traditional way" with adverb for "traditional"; eg, "in a hasty manner" with "hastily".
...t, if all the people did the same thing in a traditional way, we will see no new inventions. Althoug...
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Line 3, column 311, Rule ID: IN_A_X_MANNER[1]
Message: Consider replacing "in a proper way" with adverb for "proper"; eg, "in a hasty manner" with "hastily".
...e'. If the person used this chance in a proper way, most probably, great success will foll...
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Transition Words or Phrases used:
also, first, if, look, may, second, so, still, while, for example, i think, in conclusion, as a result, in my opinion, on the other hand
Attributes: Values AverageValues Percentages(Values/AverageValues)% => Comments
Performance on Part of Speech:
To be verbs : 11.0 15.1003584229 73% => OK
Auxiliary verbs: 11.0 9.8082437276 112% => OK
Conjunction : 16.0 13.8261648746 116% => OK
Relative clauses : 6.0 11.0286738351 54% => More relative clauses wanted.
Pronoun: 59.0 43.0788530466 137% => Less pronouns wanted
Preposition: 59.0 52.1666666667 113% => OK
Nominalization: 2.0 8.0752688172 25% => More nominalizations (nouns with a suffix like: tion ment ence ance) wanted.
Performance on vocabulary words:
No of characters: 2395.0 1977.66487455 121% => OK
No of words: 511.0 407.700716846 125% => OK
Chars per words: 4.68688845401 4.8611393121 96% => OK
Fourth root words length: 4.75450408675 4.48103885553 106% => OK
Word Length SD: 2.60691805926 2.67179642975 98% => OK
Unique words: 259.0 212.727598566 122% => OK
Unique words percentage: 0.506849315068 0.524837075471 97% => OK
syllable_count: 723.6 618.680645161 117% => OK
avg_syllables_per_word: 1.4 1.51630824373 92% => OK
A sentence (or a clause, phrase) starts by:
Pronoun: 22.0 9.59856630824 229% => Less pronouns wanted as sentence beginning.
Article: 3.0 3.08781362007 97% => OK
Subordination: 9.0 3.51792114695 256% => Less adverbial clause wanted.
Conjunction: 1.0 1.86738351254 54% => OK
Preposition: 6.0 4.94265232975 121% => OK
Performance on sentences:
How many sentences: 24.0 20.6003584229 117% => OK
Sentence length: 21.0 20.1344086022 104% => OK
Sentence length SD: 45.4076443638 48.9658058833 93% => OK
Chars per sentence: 99.7916666667 100.406767564 99% => OK
Words per sentence: 21.2916666667 20.6045352989 103% => OK
Discourse Markers: 5.66666666667 5.45110844103 104% => OK
Paragraphs: 4.0 4.53405017921 88% => OK
Language errors: 2.0 5.5376344086 36% => OK
Sentences with positive sentiment : 15.0 11.8709677419 126% => OK
Sentences with negative sentiment : 4.0 3.85842293907 104% => OK
Sentences with neutral sentiment: 5.0 4.88709677419 102% => OK
What are sentences with positive/Negative/neutral sentiment?
Coherence and Cohesion:
Essay topic to essay body coherence: 0.1685985044 0.236089414692 71% => OK
Sentence topic coherence: 0.0515596309919 0.076458572812 67% => OK
Sentence topic coherence SD: 0.0517511999751 0.0737576698707 70% => OK
Paragraph topic coherence: 0.108582646791 0.150856017488 72% => OK
Paragraph topic coherence SD: 0.0609395975873 0.0645574589148 94% => OK
Essay readability:
automated_readability_index: 11.3 11.7677419355 96% => OK
flesch_reading_ease: 67.08 58.1214874552 115% => OK
smog_index: 3.1 6.10430107527 51% => Smog_index is low.
flesch_kincaid_grade: 9.1 10.1575268817 90% => OK
coleman_liau_index: 9.92 10.9000537634 91% => OK
dale_chall_readability_score: 7.71 8.01818996416 96% => OK
difficult_words: 98.0 86.8835125448 113% => OK
linsear_write_formula: 8.0 10.002688172 80% => OK
gunning_fog: 10.4 10.0537634409 103% => OK
text_standard: 8.0 10.247311828 78% => OK
What are above readability scores?
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Better to have 5 paragraphs with 3 arguments. And try always support/against one side but compare two sides, like this:
para 1: introduction
para 2: reason 1. address both of the views presented for reason 1
para 3: reason 2. address both of the views presented for reason 2
para 4: reason 3. address both of the views presented for reason 3
para 5: conclusion.
So how to find out those reasons. There is a formula:
reasons == advantages or
reasons == disadvantages
for example, we can always apply 'save time', 'save/make money', 'find a job', 'make friends', 'get more information' as reasons to all essay/speaking topics.
or we can apply 'waste time', 'waste money', 'no job', 'make bad friends', 'get bad information' as reasons to all essay/speaking topics.
Rates: 70.0 out of 100
Scores by essay e-grader: 21.0 Out of 30
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Note: the e-grader does NOT examine the meaning of words and ideas. VIP users will receive further evaluations by advanced module of e-grader and human graders.