A Short Holiday
By January 7 2014 when I was in the first week, why directly I planned to visit in Jakarta city? Actually I didn’t have plan to go there, before I went, I try to ask myself that what exactly my destination, because I had confused about it. I thought time by time for my journey and my financial. I didn’t have much time for my purposed to go there. For several days I was hesitate. Who is or what would I do there? Only I believed myself and I asked my friend to buy a ticket. I had glad to h ear she bought a ticket.
I pay my ticket to her, it cost $260 and I prepared my stuff completed into my bag after that I asked to my guru for borrowed much money because I thought that my save money not enough if I arrive in Jakarta, January 6 at 11am I lived my camp by travel car with my friends and I took a rest in the car while I was in the trip then I tried to take a nap in the car but I couldn’t do because my disturb me. As the result in the station the travel car arrived I never took a nap as long as in the trip.
As long as in the trip when we moved another car from station, again I couldn’t sleep because we discussed about our planning to the future. Suddenly we were silent in the middle of our discussion. One by one my friends were dozy and I saw their position on the chair car they very tried while they slept, me didn’t sleep because I was daydream in the middle of the trip. Midnight, our bus transit for found something to eat, all passenger go out to find their dinners, our bus came lately to the restaurant because the bus got traffic jam of the trip. There is something funny when the bus arrive outside the restaurant, my friend over slept in the bus and I didn’t wake them up, when I crossed in corridor the chair bus I saw another chair and I thought that my friends had done to go out from the bus.
When all of passenger finished for take a rest. I shocked that I saw my friends, they didn’t wake up. All my friends still enjoyed their sleep on the chair bus. When the bus leaved the restaurant and I didn’t care my friends. Finally I could find myself to sleep. I felt my body fresh when I woke up. My view looks at to the window car. I attempted to find a little scenery of village as long as the trip.
In the final my destination the bus passed in Jakarta city, I arrived in one of station on Jakarta city, I felt happy because I saw a traffic jam there. This is my short holiday and I only tell and describe as long as in the bus until I arrive in the capital of Indonesia.
| Post date | Users | Rates | Link to Content |
|---|---|---|---|
| 2014-01-13 | Diqon Skriptura | 50 | view |
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Sentence: For several days I was hesitate.
Description: The fragment was hesitate . is rare
Suggestion: Possible agreement error: Replace hesitate with verb, past participle
Description: The token was is not usually followed by a verb, base: uninflected present, imperative or infinitive
Suggestion: Refer to was and hesitate
I had glad to h ear she bought a ticket.
I was glad to hear she bought a ticket.
because my disturb me.
Description: A determiner, possessive is not usually followed by a verb, base: uninflected present, imperative or infinitive
Suggestion: Refer to my and disturb
when the bus arrive outside the restaurant, my friend over slept in the bus and I didn't wake them up, when I crossed in corridor the chair bus I saw another chair and I thought that my friends had done to go out from the bus.
Description: The fragment something funny when is rare
Suggestion: Possible agreement error: Replace funny with adverb
Description: The fragment bus arrive outside is rare
Suggestion: Possible agreement error: Replace arrive with verb, past participle
Sentence: When all of passenger finished for take a rest.
Description: The token for is not usually followed by a verb, base: uninflected present, imperative or infinitive
Suggestion: Refer to for and take
Sentence: I felt my body fresh when I woke up.
Description: A noun, singular, common is not usually followed by an adjective
Suggestion: Refer to body and fresh
Sentence: In the final my destination the bus passed in Jakarta city, I arrived in one of station on Jakarta city, I felt happy because I saw a traffic jam there.
Description: An adjective is not usually followed by a determiner, possessive
Suggestion: Refer to final and my
flaws:
No. of Grammatical Errors: 8 2
Read a good grammar book.
Attribute Value Ideal
Score: 3.0 out of 6
Category: Satisfactory Excellent
No. of Grammatical Errors: 8 2
No. of Spelling Errors: 0 2
No. of Sentences: 25 15
No. of Words: 514 350
No. of Characters: 1946 1500
No. of Different Words: 206 200
Fourth Root of Number of Words: 4.761 4.7
Average Word Length: 3.786 4.6
Word Length SD: 2.144 2.4
No. of Words greater than 5 chars: 106 100
No. of Words greater than 6 chars: 78 80
No. of Words greater than 7 chars: 31 40
No. of Words greater than 8 chars: 15 20
Use of Passive Voice (%): 0 0
Avg. Sentence Length: 20.56 21.0
Sentence Length SD: 17.929 7.5
Use of Discourse Markers (%): 0.24 0.12
Sentence-Text Coherence: 0.42 0.35
Sentence-Para Coherence: 0.556 0.50
Sentence-Sentence Coherence: 0.226 0.07
Number of Paragraphs: 5 5