Question: In general, people are living longer now. Discuss the causes of this phenomenon. Use specific reasons and details to develop your essay.
Living condition is a very important factor in our lives. If we have improved facilities, we enjoy more. Some people have the opinion that nowadays people are living shorter. They believe new events such as air pollution, cancer to name just a few, cause people suffer more problems. Some other people have the opposite idea. As far as I am concerned, the latter group and I are on the same page. Some of the most conspicuous factors to support my notion are as follows.
The first why I advocate the attitude of people who think human have a longer life today is that we have gained noticeable improvements in variety of majors during recent decades. More hospitals are built, more diseases are discovered and also more people are educated these days. For example, earlier this month I read an article about cancer. It said about 12000 women were died due to breast cancer since 1960 until 1990 in Turkey. By improving in medicine, instruments and doing more experiments scientists can decrease this rate. It mentioned if we continue our current reserachs about causes of all cancers, we can decrease this numbers by half. As you can see we have a higher chance to live longer nowadays.
Another reason that I want to talk about is that having cantral government is one of the important keys that people are living longer now. All government provide healthy water, food and other essential stuffs that we have need for longer life. An example to verify this fact traces back to my own experience. As a student in the university, I did a research about how governments provide refined water for their population. As I learned they consider a budget for constructing dams and bans. They hold water and pass it through certain narrow windows to produce electricity. After it, they guide the water through cannals to reach to the refinement pools. Through rotating water in the pools, they add many admixtures to kill all bacteria and other hamful things. All of this process need control and money. Every year, government collects tax and then divides it into different portions such as providing security, refined water to name just a few. Without government’s control, it is impossible to have this amenity. This experience taught me people have a better life now.
To sum it up, although nowadays we suffer new problems, or given that is some situations improving have caused new problems, if we consider all factors mentioned above, we may finally draw the conclusion that people have a longer life today due to improvement in all fields. That is why we should all use these improvements to have a longer life.
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- Question: In general, people are living longer now. Discuss the causes of this phenomenon. Use specific reasons and details to develop your essay. 63
Sentence: It mentioned if we continue our current reserachs about causes of all cancers, we can decrease this numbers by half.
Description: A determiner/pronoun, singular is not usually followed by a noun, plural, common
Suggestion: Refer to this and numbers
Sentence: Through rotating water in the pools, they add many admixtures to kill all bacteria and other hamful things.
Error: hamful Suggestion: harmful
flaws:
The examples are too long.
Try this pattern:
Para 1: introduction. my choice: A or B. agree or disagree.
Para 2:First,reason 1 (1 sentence) + why reason 1(some arguments. 2-3 sentences) + examples for reason 1 (around 2 sentences) + small conclusions (like advantages of reason 1 or comparisons if not reason 1, 1-2 sentences).
Para 3:Second,reason 2 ,blabla... do the same thing like First
Para 4:Third, reason 3 blabla... do the same thing like First but shorter
Para 5: Conclusion.
Attribute Value Ideal
Score: 23 in 30
Category: Good Excellent
No. of Grammatical Errors: 1 2
No. of Spelling Errors: 1 2
No. of Sentences: 28 15
No. of Words: 448 350
No. of Characters: 2115 1500
No. of Different Words: 247 200
Fourth Root of Number of Words: 4.601 4.7
Average Word Length: 4.721 4.6
Word Length SD: 2.488 2.4
No. of Words greater than 5 chars: 154 100
No. of Words greater than 6 chars: 104 80
No. of Words greater than 7 chars: 65 40
No. of Words greater than 8 chars: 40 20
Use of Passive Voice (%): 0 0
Avg. Sentence Length: 16 21.0
Sentence Length SD: 8.004 7.5
Use of Discourse Markers (%): 0.286 0.12
Sentence-Text Coherence: 0.274 0.35
Sentence-Para Coherence: 0.413 0.50
Sentence-Sentence Coherence: 0.122 0.07
Number of Paragraphs: 4 5