Successful sports professionals can earn a great deal more money than people in other important professions. Some people think this is fully justified while others think it is unfair.
Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.
Nowadays, massive sums of labour wage are assigned to employments noticeable popularity within society, sports being undoubtedly the major realm of such well paid jobs. While many believe that this is a fair amount for the job they do, others refute such a statement and consider that other jobs should obtain further money for their contribution to society. In this essay I will look at the both beneficial sides of the stated debate before providing a reasoned conclusion.
On the one hand, professions in sports provide uncountable numerous benefits to society, due to the fact that paramount morals such as unity and self-esteem are imbued in them. Take for example football, where players constantly portray the importance of being and working hard in team. Thus, the sense of empathy and devotion is perceived fostering people's mind to act so.
On the other hand, despite these morals to be essential, there are other professions of greater importance which have enabled humanity to evolve. This is nowhere clearer than in health, science and education. For instance, had it not been for scientific breakthroughs in vaccination, far more individuals would have been affected to demise. Therefore, it is clear that professionals in such areas ought to be more valued owing to the fundamental paper that they hold for society's well-being.
To conclude, after depicting both sides of the matter, I strongly believe that, albeit sports professionals impel an important lesson in life, I consider the professions which have a direct impact on people's development to be more important. Thus, in my opinion, greater governmental expenses should be led to teachers, doctors and scientist. Were this policy to be implemented, greater advances would be feasible.
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Sorry about that. I've
Sorry about that. I've already re-edited it.
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are assigned to employments noticeable popularity within society
are assigned to employments in/of noticeable popularity within society ???
provide uncountable numerous benefits
provide uncountable and numerous benefits
I consider the professions which have a direct impact on people's development to be more important.
I consider the professions which have a direct impact on people's development are to be more important.
flaws:
No. of Grammatical Errors: 3 2
Sentence-Sentence Coherence: 0.038 0.07
Still have grammar issues.
Need to develop sentences smoothly.
Attribute Value Ideal
Score: 6.0 out of 9
Category: Good Excellent
No. of Grammatical Errors: 3 2
No. of Spelling Errors: 0 2
No. of Sentences: 13 15
No. of Words: 281 350
No. of Characters: 1444 1500
No. of Different Words: 177 200
Fourth Root of Number of Words: 4.094 4.7
Average Word Length: 5.139 4.6
Word Length SD: 2.804 2.4
No. of Words greater than 5 chars: 109 100
No. of Words greater than 6 chars: 82 80
No. of Words greater than 7 chars: 59 40
No. of Words greater than 8 chars: 39 20
Use of Passive Voice (%): 0 0
Avg. Sentence Length: 21.615 21.0
Sentence Length SD: 8.034 7.5
Use of Discourse Markers (%): 0.769 0.12
Sentence-Text Coherence: 0.307 0.35
Sentence-Para Coherence: 0.553 0.50
Sentence-Sentence Coherence: 0.038 0.07
Number of Paragraphs: 4 5
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