In this memo the director of student housing at Buckingham College states that new college dormitories are needed to accommodate future students. And also concludes that new dormitories will attract prospective students to enroll at Buckingham collage. But this argument is rife with holes and assumptions, each of which can be refuted.
First, the director states that student enrollment at Buckingham will double in next 50 years. But doesn't provided sufficient evidence to support this statement. What trends and statistics were used to state this future prediction? Maybe it is only this time that Buckingham has received such a huge enrollment and the same may not repeat in future. Even if Buckingham is a revered college, if its academic credentials drop, it may not be a popular choice of students in future. After all what holds true today might not be true 50 years later.
Another statement that director cites, is that average apartment rents in town are increasing and hence students would prefer in-campus dormitories. The director makes this assumption without citing any evidence or conducting any research. It is highly likely that after few years apartment rents plummet, if this happens the new dormitories if built would be completely useless, seriously weakening the director’s argument.
Even if apartment rents keep increasing, stating that new dormitories will attract prospective students is an illogical assumption. Any prolific student would prefer a college with good academic facilities rather than new dormitories. How the director links these two independent phenomenon is beyond comprehension. If Buckingham doesn't improve or atleast maintain its academic rankings, its enrollment will only fall but not rise.
Ultimately, the director’s argument relies on unstated assumptions, and the argument cannot be taken for granted unless these assumptions are validated with proper evidence. To strengthen his or her argument the director of student housing should conduct statistical analysis, to determine future enrollment trends. Also rental market has to be studied, since prices in such markets continuously vary and then plan accordingly. If these evidences are provided then the director can present a more cogent argument.
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Thank you for rating But, can
Thank you for rating But,
can you please suggest ways for improving score from 4.5 and what is "use of passive voice " should I be using passive voice in my essays ?
You are doing just well
You are doing just well though there are different issues in your essays. To get better marks, you will need to read more essays by top users and write more essays by your own.
No problem to use passive voices if you can use them properly.
Sentence: If Buckingham doesn't improve or atleast maintain its academic rankings, its enrollment will only fall but not rise.
Error: atleast Suggestion: at least
argument 1 -- OK
argument 2 -- OK
argument 3 -- OK
flaws:
Avg. Sentence Length: 17.35 21.0
Sentence Length SD: 4.809 7.5
"Sentence Length SD is low" means that the essay contains lots of sentences with the similar length.
Attribute Value Ideal
Score: 4.5 out of 6
Category: Good Excellent
No. of Grammatical Errors: 0 2
No. of Spelling Errors: 1 2
No. of Sentences: 20 15
No. of Words: 347 350
No. of Characters: 1875 1500
No. of Different Words: 189 200
Fourth Root of Number of Words: 4.316 4.7
Average Word Length: 5.403 4.6
Word Length SD: 2.813 2.4
No. of Words greater than 5 chars: 150 100
No. of Words greater than 6 chars: 120 80
No. of Words greater than 7 chars: 89 40
No. of Words greater than 8 chars: 56 20
Use of Passive Voice (%): 0 0
Avg. Sentence Length: 17.35 21.0
Sentence Length SD: 4.809 7.5
Use of Discourse Markers (%): 0.65 0.12
Sentence-Text Coherence: 0.308 0.35
Sentence-Para Coherence: 0.529 0.50
Sentence-Sentence Coherence: 0.065 0.07
Number of Paragraphs: 5 5