This memo from New Ventures Consulting to the president of HobCo, Inc. tries to get a new store of the company opened up in southeastern Griddlon by citing a study they did on the area residents. There are a number of questions that need to be answered before taking any further steps. The argument presented is rife with loopholes and doesn't present a cogent case for opening up a new store.
The memo claims that there are no hobby shops in southeastern Griddlon and 88 percent of those who responded would welcome the opening of a hobby shop. What kind of hobbies do these people like? Do they like the type of hobbies provided by the company? It could be the case that these residents like adventure sports but adventure sports might not be provided by the company. If people don't like the hobbies provided by the company, then there is no point in opening up a store in that area. Secondly, the author mentions that the hobby business has grown by 300 percent in the past decade in Grilldon. But this doesn't answer the question whether a similar growth will be there in southeastern Grilldon. Only if similar kind of growth is expected in the southeastern region as well, the company should consider opening its store in that area.
After that, it is mentioned that there is a large population of retirees in the area who have ample time to devote to hobbies. Do we expect them to pursue hobbies offered specifically by the company? It is big leap to expect that this demographic will be interested in the hobbies offered by the company. They might not want to spend their time pursuing hobbies offered by this company. Instead, they may want to spend time with their families or by pursuing some other hobby. Secondly, do they have the kind of opulence that is required to pursue hobbies at this chain? If the answer to these questions is affirmative, then this bolsters the argument made by the author of the memo.
However, there are some questions that need to be answered about the credibility of the survey as well. The author mentions that in the poll that was conducted by their team of researches concluded that 88 percent of those who responded indicated that they would welcome the opening of the hobby shop. However, the author doesn't mention how many of those responded to the survey. If a very small number of people actually responded to the survey then it makes no sense in investing in the southeastern Grilldon. If the author can information regarding this survey and the number is actually very large, only then should the company consider opening a store in that area.
Apart from all this, the author then predicts that the shop will see a steady stream for enthusiastic new customers. How does the author predict that? Was any survey done regarding the number of repeat customers? If the answer is negative to these questions, then the author's argument falls apart.
In order to surmise, there are a lot of open-ended questions that need to be answered before reaching any conclusion. The questions range from validity of the survey to the predictions made by the author. There are some places where the author has taken large leaps to reach a conclusion without any cogent argument. These questions ought to be answered in order to take any further decision.
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e-rater score report
Attribute Value Ideal
Final score: 4.0 out of 6
Category: Good Excellent
No. of Grammatical Errors: 0 2
No. of Spelling Errors: 0 2
No. of Sentences: 31 15
No. of Words: 578 350
No. of Characters: 2664 1500
No. of Different Words: 220 200
Fourth Root of Number of Words: 4.903 4.7
Average Word Length: 4.609 4.6
Word Length SD: 2.442 2.4
No. of Words greater than 5 chars: 181 100
No. of Words greater than 6 chars: 131 80
No. of Words greater than 7 chars: 87 40
No. of Words greater than 8 chars: 46 20
Use of Passive Voice (%): 0 0
Avg. Sentence Length: 18.645 21.0
Sentence Length SD: 6.66 7.5
Use of Discourse Markers (%): 0.516 0.12
Sentence-Text Coherence: 0.285 0.35
Sentence-Para Coherence: 0.506 0.50
Sentence-Sentence Coherence: 0.11 0.07
Number of Paragraphs: 6 5
Grammar and spelling errors:
Line 1, column 337, Rule ID: EN_CONTRACTION_SPELLING
Message: Possible spelling mistake found
Suggestion: doesn't
...nt presented is rife with loopholes and doesnt present a cogent case for opening up a ...
^^^^^^
Line 2, column 386, Rule ID: EN_CONTRACTION_SPELLING
Message: Possible spelling mistake found
Suggestion: don't
...t be provided by the company. If people dont like the hobbies provided by the compan...
^^^^
Line 2, column 612, Rule ID: EN_CONTRACTION_SPELLING
Message: Possible spelling mistake found
Suggestion: doesn't
...n the past decade in Grilldon. But this doesnt answer the question whether a similar g...
^^^^^^
Line 2, column 626, Rule ID: WHETHER[5]
Message: Can you shorten this phrase to just 'whether', or rephrase the sentence to avoid "the question"?
Suggestion: whether
...ade in Grilldon. But this doesnt answer the question whether a similar growth will be there in south...
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Line 4, column 322, Rule ID: EN_CONTRACTION_SPELLING
Message: Possible spelling mistake found
Suggestion: doesn't
... of the hobby shop. However, the author doesnt mention how many of those responded to ...
^^^^^^
Line 4, column 380, Rule ID: SENTENCE_FRAGMENT[1]
Message: “If” at the beginning of a sentence requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
... many of those responded to the survey. If a very small number of people actually ...
^^
Line 5, column 268, Rule ID: POSSESIVE_APOSTROPHE[1]
Message: Possible typo: apostrophe is missing. Did you mean 'authors'' or 'author's'?
Suggestion: authors'; author's
...s negative to these questions, then the authors argument falls apart. In order to surm...
^^^^^^^
Transition Words or Phrases used:
actually, but, however, if, may, regarding, second, secondly, so, then, thus, well, apart from, kind of
Attributes: Values AverageValues Percentages(Values/AverageValues)% => Comments
Performance on Part of Speech:
To be verbs : 25.0 19.6327345309 127% => OK
Auxiliary verbs: 16.0 12.9520958084 124% => OK
Conjunction : 6.0 11.1786427146 54% => More conjunction wanted.
Relative clauses : 23.0 13.6137724551 169% => OK
Pronoun: 51.0 28.8173652695 177% => Less pronouns wanted
Preposition: 92.0 55.5748502994 166% => OK
Nominalization: 9.0 16.3942115768 55% => More nominalizations (nouns with a suffix like: tion ment ence ance) wanted.
Performance on vocabulary words:
No of characters: 2718.0 2260.96107784 120% => OK
No of words: 574.0 441.139720559 130% => OK
Chars per words: 4.73519163763 5.12650576532 92% => OK
Fourth root words length: 4.89472135074 4.56307096286 107% => OK
Word Length SD: 2.49887735966 2.78398813304 90% => OK
Unique words: 227.0 204.123752495 111% => OK
Unique words percentage: 0.395470383275 0.468620217663 84% => More unique words wanted or less content wanted.
syllable_count: 850.5 705.55239521 121% => OK
avg_syllables_per_word: 1.5 1.59920159681 94% => OK
A sentence (or a clause, phrase) starts by:
Pronoun: 7.0 4.96107784431 141% => OK
Article: 8.0 8.76447105788 91% => OK
Subordination: 6.0 2.70958083832 221% => Less adverbial clause wanted.
Conjunction: 1.0 1.67365269461 60% => OK
Preposition: 3.0 4.22255489022 71% => OK
Performance on sentences:
How many sentences: 32.0 19.7664670659 162% => OK
Sentence length: 17.0 22.8473053892 74% => The Avg. Sentence Length is relatively short.
Sentence length SD: 33.4467276987 57.8364921388 58% => The essay contains lots of sentences with the similar length. More sentence varieties wanted.
Chars per sentence: 84.9375 119.503703932 71% => OK
Words per sentence: 17.9375 23.324526521 77% => OK
Discourse Markers: 3.21875 5.70786347227 56% => More transition words/phrases wanted.
Paragraphs: 6.0 5.15768463074 116% => OK
Language errors: 7.0 5.25449101796 133% => OK
Sentences with positive sentiment : 17.0 8.20758483034 207% => Less positive sentences wanted.
Sentences with negative sentiment : 6.0 6.88822355289 87% => OK
Sentences with neutral sentiment: 9.0 4.67664670659 192% => OK
What are sentences with positive/Negative/neutral sentiment?
Coherence and Cohesion:
Essay topic to essay body coherence: 0.172503425529 0.218282227539 79% => OK
Sentence topic coherence: 0.0500885689945 0.0743258471296 67% => OK
Sentence topic coherence SD: 0.0776300822468 0.0701772020484 111% => OK
Paragraph topic coherence: 0.0903642933822 0.128457276422 70% => OK
Paragraph topic coherence SD: 0.0556143894314 0.0628817314937 88% => OK
Essay readability:
automated_readability_index: 9.9 14.3799401198 69% => Automated_readability_index is low.
flesch_reading_ease: 62.68 48.3550499002 130% => OK
smog_index: 3.1 7.1628742515 43% => Smog_index is low.
flesch_kincaid_grade: 8.7 12.197005988 71% => OK
coleman_liau_index: 9.92 12.5979740519 79% => OK
dale_chall_readability_score: 7.04 8.32208582834 85% => OK
difficult_words: 93.0 98.500998004 94% => OK
linsear_write_formula: 9.0 12.3882235529 73% => OK
gunning_fog: 8.8 11.1389221557 79% => OK
text_standard: 9.0 11.9071856287 76% => OK
What are above readability scores?
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Rates: 50.0 out of 100
Scores by essay e-grader: 3.0 Out of 6
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Note: the e-grader does NOT examine the meaning of words and ideas. VIP users will receive further evaluations by advanced module of e-grader and human graders.