The chart below gives information about global population percentages and distribution of wealth by region

Essay topics:

The chart below gives information about global population percentages and distribution of wealth by region.

The bar chart compares the percentage of population and wealth distribution grouped by some continents. It can be clearly seen that there are 2 types of conditions in which each region has a higher rates of distributing wealth than its population and in reverse, its population is bigger than the rates of disseminating prosperity.

A glance at the first condition, there are three top regions with higher distribution of wealth, such as: North America is the first rank by 34 in global wealth, followed by Europe as much as 30 and lastly Rich Asia-Pacific about 24.

By contrast, the population in Europe (as the biggest number of people in this type) is less 15 from its global wealth. Moreover, although North America is the biggest wealth share, the number of its people is in the second position after Europe at approximately 6. The last one is Rich Asia-Pacific by less 1 from North America.

However, China, Other Asia-Pacific, India, Africa and Latin America & Caribbean are the areas with higher rates population than their global wealth. Strikingly, China as the highest populace is under 25 while the distribution of its wealth is similarly with India by 3. Africa and Latin America are under 11 in both population and global wealth.

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2020-12-21 hiva1998 73 view
2020-12-21 hiva1998 73 view
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IELTS Writing Task I - IELTS Academic

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each region has a higher rates of distributing wealth than its population and in reverse, its population is bigger than the rates of disseminating prosperity.
Description: can you re-write this sentence?

the population in Europe (as the biggest number of people in this type) is less 15 from its global wealth.
the population in Europe (as the biggest number of people in this type) is 15 less than its global wealth.

by less 1 from North America.
by one less than North America.

higher rates population than their global wealth
higher rates of population than their global wealth

flaws:
No. of Grammatical Errors: 4 2

Attribute Value Ideal
Score: 5.5 out of 9
Category: Satisfactory Excellent
No. of Grammatical Errors: 4 2
No. of Spelling Errors: 0 2
No. of Sentences: 9 10
No. of Words: 209 200
No. of Characters: 1007 1000
No. of Different Words: 107 100
Fourth Root of Number of Words: 3.802 4.0
Average Word Length: 4.818 4.6
Word Length SD: 2.752 2.4
No. of Words greater than 5 chars: 73 60
No. of Words greater than 6 chars: 43 50
No. of Words greater than 7 chars: 30 40
No. of Words greater than 8 chars: 23 20
Use of Passive Voice (%): 0 0
Avg. Sentence Length: 23.222 21.0
Sentence Length SD: 10.064 7.5
Use of Discourse Markers (%): 0.444 0.12
Sentence-Text Coherence: 0.454 0.35
Sentence-Para Coherence: 0.716 0.50
Sentence-Sentence Coherence: 0.13 0.07
Number of Paragraphs: 4 4

each region has a higher rates of distributing wealth than its population and in reverse, its population is bigger than the rates of disseminating prosperity..
Description: can you re-write this sentence?

Answer:

Each region has a higher rates of distributing wealth than its population, others in reverse.

Thanks

Dear Sir,

Related to your comment about "less", I found an example in oxford dictionary (link: http://dictionary.cambridge.org/dictionary/british/less_1)

Eg : The total is 30 pounds, less the five pounds deposit that you've paid.

And on my essay:

the population in Europe (as the biggest number of people in this type) is less 15 from its global wealth.

Could you please explain me why the two sentences written on my essay were incorrect?

Thanks.

Eg : The total is 30 pounds, less the five pounds deposit that you've paid.

here 'less' is a preposition. It means 'not including'.

another example:
a monthly salary of $2000 less tax and insurance
a monthly salary of $2000, not including tax and insurance

while in the essay you used 'less' to compare the population and wealth, so it should be 'less than' something.