In some countries, children are expected to study long hours in and after school
and have little free time.
Describe the positive and negative effects of this.
There are schools in some countries which hold their students for long hours before and after usual schooling time. Consequently, students have lost their precious leisure time which they otherwise could have used to develop broader social relationships for their future success.
To begin with, students who spend most of their valuable time inside schools only for academic purpose probably would deprive of social relations which is very vital for the personality development and career success as they hardly get time to attend many social and community activities such as sports, discussion groups, festival celebrations and community events. Most importantly, there is a likelihood of burn-out, boredom and rebellion against their parents and teachers. Moreover, excellent academic achievement is not the only prime factor to reach the pinnacle of success. Other factors, such as ability to work well within a team, negotiation abilities, emotional intelligence and mentoring capacities are equally important for attaining career success. These all qualities can only be achieved by actively engaging many outdoor social and educational activities. After all, most children desire for enjoying their life by playing with their friends whether it is in backyard of their house or on the street.
In contrast, students can achieve excellent academic scores by long hours of hard study within school and therefore they would get high degree of freedom while choosing universities and courses offered by them. In addition, excellent transcripts and aptitude skills are the decisive factors while students apply for the bigger multinational firms. Also, students who spent most of time inside schools concentrate on their goals and get qualified on music, languages and other skills. Therefore, laborious study will open the door for the future success.
In conclusion, I believe that there needs to be a balance between time spent in study and free time. Academic achievement may offer greater freedom in terms of initial university and employment application choices but it does not necessarily create a happy person or one who will be ultimately successful.
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social relations which is very vital
social relations which are very vital
Consequently, students have lost their precious leisure time which they otherwise could have used to develop broader social relationships
Consequently, students have lost their precious leisure time by which they otherwise could have used to develop broader social relationships //think why need 'by which'
students who spend most of their valuable time inside schools only for academic purpose probably would deprive of social relations
students ...would be deprived of social relations
such as ability to work well within a team
such as the ability to work well within a team
Sentence: After all, most children desire for enjoying their life by playing with their friends whether it is in backyard of their house or on the street.
Description: A noun, plural, common is not usually followed by a noun, singular, common
Suggestion: Refer to children and desire
flaws:
No. of Grammatical Errors: 5 2
Use of Discourse Markers (%): 0.786 0.12
Attribute Value Ideal
Score: 6.0 out of 9
Category: Good Excellent
No. of Grammatical Errors: 5 2
No. of Spelling Errors: 0 2
No. of Sentences: 14 15
No. of Words: 332 350
No. of Characters: 1796 1500
No. of Different Words: 198 200
Fourth Root of Number of Words: 4.269 4.7
Average Word Length: 5.41 4.6
Word Length SD: 2.683 2.4
No. of Words greater than 5 chars: 141 100
No. of Words greater than 6 chars: 112 80
No. of Words greater than 7 chars: 77 40
No. of Words greater than 8 chars: 48 20
Use of Passive Voice (%): 0 0
Avg. Sentence Length: 23.714 21.0
Sentence Length SD: 10.687 7.5
Use of Discourse Markers (%): 0.786 0.12
Sentence-Text Coherence: 0.321 0.35
Sentence-Para Coherence: 0.545 0.50
Sentence-Sentence Coherence: 0.062 0.07
Number of Paragraphs: 4 5