The vice president of human resources at Climpson Industries sent the following recommendation to the company's president.
"A recent national survey found that the majority of workers with access to the Internet at work had used company computers for personal or recreational activities, such as banking or playing games. In an effort to improve our employees' productivity, we should implement electronic monitoring of employees' Internet use from their workstations. Using electronic monitoring software is the best way to reduce the number of hours Climpson employees spend on personal or recreational activities. We predict that installing software to monitor employees' Internet use will allow us to prevent employees from wasting time, thereby increasing productivity and improving overall profits."
Write a response in which you discuss what questions would need to be answered in order to decide whether the prediction and the argument on which it is based are reasonable. Be sure to explain how the answers to these questions would help to evaluate the prediction.
While it may be true that if the Climpson company installs monitoring program, it will prevent employees to waste their time at work; however, the author's argument does not make a cogent case. It is easy to understand that majority of workers may use the company internet for their personal activities, but the arguer needs verifiable evidences to prove his/her recommendation.
First of all, the author mentions that majority of workers use company computers and internet for personal activities such as playing game or banking. But the arguer does not provide evidences for his/her claim. There is a high possibility that workers could use the company internet during their break times. Or they may use the internet for work related activities. For example, using a company internet to check a bank account for pay stub accuracy is rational because this activity is related to work.
In addition, the author recommends monitoring employees for internet use which is not a good idea. The reason is workers may think that the company does not thrust them anymore which is not going to make good connection and communication between workers and the company administers. Employees may even quit their jobs because they may not be willing to work where there is too much pressure on them. Moreover, worker may get tired to work constantly all day which will not result in productivity improvements or company profits. To strength his/her recommendation, the arguer needs to make consider other factors that can affect productivity improvement rather than monitoring employees for the internet use.
Last but not least, the arguer does not mention about employees' personal devices which can be used easily without any monitoring. For example, a male worker who does not have permission to use the company computer for personal activities will definitely use his cellphone to check his bank account. Thus, installing software to monitor workers will not be useful that much.
The author can make his/her suggestion persuasive when he/she gathers information about the amount of time that employees spend on the internet for their personal needs and if they use the internet during their break times or not. After answering these questions, the arguer can make such a conclusion.
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Comments
e-rater score report
Attribute Value Ideal
Final score: 3.0 out of 6
Category: Satisfactory Excellent
No. of Grammatical Errors: 6 2
No. of Spelling Errors: 3 2
No. of Sentences: 17 15
No. of Words: 373 350
No. of Characters: 1868 1500
No. of Different Words: 174 200
Fourth Root of Number of Words: 4.395 4.7
Average Word Length: 5.008 4.6
Word Length SD: 2.628 2.4
No. of Words greater than 5 chars: 132 100
No. of Words greater than 6 chars: 111 80
No. of Words greater than 7 chars: 72 40
No. of Words greater than 8 chars: 41 20
Use of Passive Voice (%): 0 0
Avg. Sentence Length: 21.941 21.0
Sentence Length SD: 8.335 7.5
Use of Discourse Markers (%): 0.824 0.12
Sentence-Text Coherence: 0.377 0.35
Sentence-Para Coherence: 0.377 0.50
Sentence-Sentence Coherence: 0.171 0.07
Number of Paragraphs: 1 5
Grammar and spelling errors:
Line 1, column 148, Rule ID: POSSESIVE_APOSTROPHE[1]
Message: Possible typo: apostrophe is missing. Did you mean 'authors'' or 'author's'?
Suggestion: authors'; author's
... waste their time at work; however, the authors argument does not make a cogent case. I...
^^^^^^^
Transition Words or Phrases used:
but, first, however, if, may, moreover, so, thus, while, for example, in addition, such as, first of all
Attributes: Values AverageValues Percentages(Values/AverageValues)% => Comments
Performance on Part of Speech:
To be verbs : 12.0 19.6327345309 61% => OK
Auxiliary verbs: 16.0 12.9520958084 124% => OK
Conjunction : 11.0 11.1786427146 98% => OK
Relative clauses : 15.0 13.6137724551 110% => OK
Pronoun: 36.0 28.8173652695 125% => Less pronouns wanted
Preposition: 29.0 55.5748502994 52% => More preposition wanted.
Nominalization: 10.0 16.3942115768 61% => OK
Performance on vocabulary words:
No of characters: 1910.0 2260.96107784 84% => OK
No of words: 368.0 441.139720559 83% => More content wanted.
Chars per words: 5.1902173913 5.12650576532 101% => OK
Fourth root words length: 4.37987740619 4.56307096286 96% => OK
Word Length SD: 2.69538370858 2.78398813304 97% => OK
Unique words: 177.0 204.123752495 87% => More unique words wanted.
Unique words percentage: 0.48097826087 0.468620217663 103% => OK
syllable_count: 593.1 705.55239521 84% => OK
avg_syllables_per_word: 1.6 1.59920159681 100% => OK
A sentence (or a clause, phrase) starts by:
Pronoun: 2.0 4.96107784431 40% => OK
Article: 9.0 8.76447105788 103% => OK
Subordination: 2.0 2.70958083832 74% => OK
Conjunction: 3.0 1.67365269461 179% => OK
Preposition: 3.0 4.22255489022 71% => OK
Performance on sentences:
How many sentences: 17.0 19.7664670659 86% => OK
Sentence length: 21.0 22.8473053892 92% => OK
Sentence length SD: 50.243076956 57.8364921388 87% => OK
Chars per sentence: 112.352941176 119.503703932 94% => OK
Words per sentence: 21.6470588235 23.324526521 93% => OK
Discourse Markers: 6.11764705882 5.70786347227 107% => OK
Paragraphs: 5.0 5.15768463074 97% => OK
Language errors: 1.0 5.25449101796 19% => OK
Sentences with positive sentiment : 6.0 8.20758483034 73% => OK
Sentences with negative sentiment : 8.0 6.88822355289 116% => OK
Sentences with neutral sentiment: 3.0 4.67664670659 64% => OK
What are sentences with positive/Negative/neutral sentiment?
Coherence and Cohesion:
Essay topic to essay body coherence: 0.259559442864 0.218282227539 119% => OK
Sentence topic coherence: 0.104793308192 0.0743258471296 141% => OK
Sentence topic coherence SD: 0.0621958308701 0.0701772020484 89% => OK
Paragraph topic coherence: 0.168675396708 0.128457276422 131% => OK
Paragraph topic coherence SD: 0.0676978725604 0.0628817314937 108% => OK
Essay readability:
automated_readability_index: 13.8 14.3799401198 96% => OK
flesch_reading_ease: 50.16 48.3550499002 104% => OK
smog_index: 8.8 7.1628742515 123% => OK
flesch_kincaid_grade: 11.5 12.197005988 94% => OK
coleman_liau_index: 12.82 12.5979740519 102% => OK
dale_chall_readability_score: 7.94 8.32208582834 95% => OK
difficult_words: 76.0 98.500998004 77% => More difficult words wanted.
linsear_write_formula: 12.0 12.3882235529 97% => OK
gunning_fog: 10.4 11.1389221557 93% => OK
text_standard: 12.0 11.9071856287 101% => OK
What are above readability scores?
---------------------
Rates: 50.0 out of 100
Scores by essay e-grader: 3.0 Out of 6
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Note: the e-grader does NOT examine the meaning of words and ideas. VIP users will receive further evaluations by advanced module of e-grader and human graders.