Agree or disagree with the statement
we spend a lot of time away from our families because the advance technology, like spending time playing games or doing other staff.
It is a highly debated issue whether or not we spend a lot of time away from our family because the technology, like playing games on I pad and phones, And this subject can be approached from several angles due to its complexity. Some people tend to think that it’s true we spend a lot of hours connecting to our phones more than we supposed to do. While others disagree with them. Deeply deliberating over the issue, I believe that nowadays technology could be used in either way, some people used it to connect to their families, while others used it to spend time alone. The following discussion reveals my stand and reasoning.
To begin with, the advance technology helps us to connect to our families more. Some people live far away from their entire family, either because their work or study. Those people really benefit from advanced technology to help them keep in touch with their families. For example, I live in the United States since 2009 with my husband and my two beautiful daughters, while my entire family and relative still live in Iraq. In the first three years, I was so depressed because I can’t see my parents, and I was only speaking to them through voice calls every few days because it was so expensive at that time. After that when the technology get more advance, I bought an i phone for me and another one for my parents. Since then I was able to speak to them in daily base. We speak through many abs like, Tango, Viber, and others. These abs helps me to see and hear my parents and to spend much more time with them. As you could see the technology helps me to be more connected to my family.
On the other hand, the technology could really takes you away from your family. For instance, my daughter she is 9 years old, and she is really addicted to the I pad games. She might spend many hours on those games without being tired or bothered. I feel that she become less connected to me than before since she got her I pad.
In conclusion, I believe that the technology could affected on our connections to others in both ways. Either it helps us to be more connected to our family, or it could takes us away from them. That’s why we should use it with more wisdom and restrict it if it will affect negatively on our relationships.
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Sentence: After that when the technology get more advance, I bought an i phone for me and another one for my parents.
Description: The fragment technology get more is rare
Suggestion: Possible agreement error: Replace get with verb, present tense, 3rd person singular
Sentence: These abs helps me to see and hear my parents and to spend much more time with them.
Description: The fragment abs helps me is rare
Suggestion: Possible agreement error: Replace helps with verb, base: uninflected present, imperative or infinitive
Sentence: I feel that she become less connected to me than before since she got her I pad.
Description: The fragment she become less is rare
Suggestion: Possible agreement error: Replace become with verb, past tense
Sentence: In conclusion, I believe that the technology could affected on our connections to others in both ways.
Description: A modal auxillary is not usually followed by a verb, past participle
Suggestion: Refer to could and affected
Sentence: Either it helps us to be more connected to our family, or it could takes us away from them.
Description: A modal auxillary is not usually followed by a verb, present tense, 3rd person singular
Suggestion: Refer to could and takes
my daughter she is 9 years old,
my daughter is 9 years old,
flaws:
No. of Grammatical Errors: 6 2
No. of Words: 417 while No. of Different Words: 202
Attribute Value Ideal
Score: 21 in 30
Category: Good Excellent
No. of Grammatical Errors: 6 2
No. of Spelling Errors: 0 2
No. of Sentences: 22 15
No. of Words: 417 350
No. of Characters: 1801 1500
No. of Different Words: 202 200
Fourth Root of Number of Words: 4.519 4.7
Average Word Length: 4.319 4.6
Word Length SD: 2.26 2.4
No. of Words greater than 5 chars: 104 100
No. of Words greater than 6 chars: 67 80
No. of Words greater than 7 chars: 41 40
No. of Words greater than 8 chars: 26 20
Use of Passive Voice (%): 0 0
Avg. Sentence Length: 18.955 21.0
Sentence Length SD: 8.931 7.5
Use of Discourse Markers (%): 0.545 0.12
Sentence-Text Coherence: 0.323 0.35
Sentence-Para Coherence: 0.474 0.50
Sentence-Sentence Coherence: 0.247 0.07
Number of Paragraphs: 4 5