The following appeared in a memorandum from the Director of the Human Resources to the executive officers of Company X.
"Last year, we surveyed our employees on improvements needed at Company X by having them rank, in order of importance, the issues presented on a list of possible improvements. Improved communications between employees and management was consistently ranked as the issue of highest importance by the employees who responded to the survey. As you know, we have since instituted regular communications sessions conducted by high-level management, which the employees can attend on a voluntary basis. Therefore, it is likely that most employees at Company X now feel that the improvement most needed at the company has been made."
The author of the argument has failed to convince us that the survey was conducted properly and that the institution of regular communication sessions has affected the desired improvements. The argument, as it stands, is based on questionable assumptions and a faulty line of reasoning, a fact which renders it over-simplistic and unconvincing.
First of all, concerning the survey, the author assumes that all the possible improvements were included in the list. However, is it possible that the employees add some issues regarded as important to them or did they have to rank only the given list? If the authors of the list were biased it is possible that the list does not accurately represents all the potential improvements. In addition, the author does not report the exact number of the employees that responded to the survey, failing in that way to convince us that the sample is representative. Moreover, the rank one issue of communication between employees and management is obscure. Which aspect of communication is implied here? Is it communication at a personal level or at a professional level that helps in the circulation of ideas among managers and employees? The arguer has not set a clear basis for this ambiguous issue.
Next, concerning the applied solution, the Director flimsy assumes that the institution of voluntary regular communications sessions held by high-level managers is effective in satisfying the employees' need for improved communication. However, there are not sufficient data concerning the nature of these sessions and the percentage of attendance. Are the employees aware of these sessions? If they are, and since the sessions are on a voluntary basis, how frequently did they attend the sessions? The author does not clarify these crucial details on how the sessions are organized and most importantly how the employees react to these sessions. Furthermore, the author assumes that high-level management will indeed communicate with the low-rank employees, a fact that goes against the norm as it is the middle-level managers who usually attend this task.
Finally, the author falsely concludes that employees at Company X can feel the improvement most needed at the company. The Director assumes that the proposed solution has been appropriately benchmarked and that the output met the expectations. Nonetheless, the author does not base his conclusion on facts. How did they measure the feelings of the employees about the communication issue? Are there any perceivable improvements by the employees? The author makes an unsubstantial assumption that most employees are "likely" to feel the assumed improvement without providing any evidence.
To sum up, based on unsubstantiated assumptions and poor evidence, the author's reasoning does not provide concrete support for his/her conclusion. If the argument had included the items discussed above, it would have been more thorough and convincing.
- Argument Topic :“In order to reverse the recent decline in our profits, we must reduce operating expenses at Movies Galore’s ten video rental stores. Since we are famous for our special bargains, raising our rental prices is not a viable way to improve pr 70
- The following appeared as part of a plan proposed by an executive of the Easy Credit Company to the president:"The Easy Credit Company would gain an advantage over competing credit card services if we were to donate a portion of the proceeds from the use 70
- The following is from a recent email by the Diord Corp Human Resources manager Tobor Technologies found that mental health problems and mental illness were responsible for about 15 percent of employee sick days Tobor amended its employee insurance pla 70
- A powerful business tycoon is in a better position to influence the destiny of a society or nation than any political leader of government official Discuss the extent to which you agree or disagree with the opinion stated above 95
- Twenty years ago, Dr. Field, a noted anthropologist, visited the island of Tertia. Using an observation-centered approach to studying Tertian culture, he concluded from his observations that children in Tertia were reared by an entire village rather than 80
Comments
Hello and thanks for the
Hello and thanks for the review. I have edited the 1st paragraph. I hope it is a bit better now.
First of all, concerning the
First of all, concerning the survey, the author assumes that the last year's result represents the improvements most needed of this year. However, the company could have gone through several changes, or even have solved the issue of improved communication, so that the last year's survey no longer portrays the present improvements needed. For instance, what if the company hired several new managers during that time who were able to communicate better with the employees than before, nullifying in this way the survey's outcome. In sort, the current ranks of the potential improvements needed may be different. Furthermore, the author does not report the exact number of the employees that responded to the survey, failing in that way to convince us that the sample is representative. Moreover, the rank one issue of communication between employees and management is obscure. Which aspect of communication is implied here? Is it communication at a personal level or at a professional level that helps in the circulation of ideas among managers and employees? The arguer has not set a clear basis for this ambiguous issue.
----------------
argument 1 -- not OK. We have to accept all survey or data are correct. The flaw of the survey is that it happened in last year, the result of a last year's survey does not necessarily represent the improvement most needed of this year.
argument 2 -- OK
argument 3 -- OK
----------------
Attribute Value Ideal
Score: 4.0 out of 6
Category: Good Excellent
No. of Grammatical Errors: 0 2
No. of Spelling Errors: 0 2
No. of Sentences: 24 15
No. of Words: 461 350
No. of Characters: 2430 1500
No. of Different Words: 212 200
Fourth Root of Number of Words: 4.634 4.7
Average Word Length: 5.271 4.6
Word Length SD: 3.077 2.4
No. of Words greater than 5 chars: 177 100
No. of Words greater than 6 chars: 148 80
No. of Words greater than 7 chars: 118 40
No. of Words greater than 8 chars: 78 20
Use of Passive Voice (%): 0 0
Avg. Sentence Length: 19.208 21.0
Sentence Length SD: 7.286 7.5
Use of Discourse Markers (%): 0.5 0.12
Sentence-Text Coherence: 0.301 0.35
Sentence-Para Coherence: 0.495 0.50
Sentence-Sentence Coherence: 0.112 0.07
Number of Paragraphs: 5 5