For many years the city of Grandview has provided annual funding for the Grandview Symphony. Last year, however, private contributions to the symphony increased by 200 percent and attendance at the symphony's concerts-in-the-park series doubled. The symphony has also announced an increase in ticket prices for next year. Given such developments, some city commissioners argue that the symphony can now be fully self-supporting, and they recommend that funding for the symphony be eliminated from next year's budget.
For many years the city of Grandview has provided annual funding for the Grandview Symphony. Last year, however, private contributions to the symphony increased by 200 percent and attendance at the symphony's concerts-in-the-park series doubled. The symphony has also announced an increase in ticket prices for next year. Given such developments, some city commissioners argue that the symphony can now be fully self-supporting, and they recommend that funding for the symphony be eliminated from next year's budget.
The author of this memo states that there is no need to support the city of Grandview's symphony since private contribution to the symphony increased by 200 percent, and participation in the concerts in the park city doubled. He says that the symphony declare an increase in the tickets' price to next year. The close scrutiny of this memo reveals that all mentioned assumptions based on doubtful propositions.
First of all, the author imparts that private contribution to symphony increased by 200 percent and price of tickets in the parks doubled. The author of this memo fails to consider that this is not the case since it is possible that even though the price doubled in park but attendance pay money for those concerts and this has no financial profit for the symphony. Or perhaps the attendance in the concerts in other places is still low and inadequate. He also states that the private contribution has risen by 200 percent, while he provides no evidence about public contribution to the symphony. To bolster this argument the writer should supply more information about other contributions.
Secondly, the symphony announced an increase in the price of tickets for next year, according to the author. The author fails to consider other factor affecting the establishing symphony. It is entirely possible that an increase in symphony's ticket no longer satisfy the all need for player, and reserving place for them. The author provides no precise data about the amount of increase in price of ticket to evaluate the amount of monetary sources needed for symphony.
Third, the city commissioners have a plan to deny the support for the city's symphony since it can support itself. It is possible that in the next year financial burden on the symphony will pave the way for halting it, hence the city' support help the growth and development of symphony.
All in all, the author of this passage provides a series of assumption which are not convincing to support the argument. To enrich this memo the author should provide more information and musicians and provided fund from the symphony. He also should provide more information and inclination of citizens of the city to the symphony, amount of money earned from concerts in the park and amount of increase in tickets' price.
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argument 1 -- partly OK. maybe the private contributions was very low before last year.
argument 2 -- not OK. Maybe the cost is increasing too.
argument 3 -- better to say: suppose all supports are true, it still can't make the company fully self-supporting.
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flaws:
One paragraph for the introduction is enough.
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Attribute Value Ideal
Score: 2.5 out of 6
Category: Satisfactory Excellent
No. of Grammatical Errors: 0 2
No. of Spelling Errors: 0 2
No. of Sentences: 21 15
No. of Words: 461 350
No. of Characters: 2302 1500
No. of Different Words: 176 200
Fourth Root of Number of Words: 4.634 4.7
Average Word Length: 4.993 4.6
Word Length SD: 2.73 2.4
No. of Words greater than 5 chars: 172 100
No. of Words greater than 6 chars: 130 80
No. of Words greater than 7 chars: 94 40
No. of Words greater than 8 chars: 45 20
Use of Passive Voice (%): 0 0
Avg. Sentence Length: 21.952 21.0
Sentence Length SD: 8.208 7.5
Use of Discourse Markers (%): 0.476 0.12
Sentence-Text Coherence: 0.389 0.35
Sentence-Para Coherence: 0.596 0.50
Sentence-Sentence Coherence: 0.144 0.07
Number of Paragraphs: 6 5