The memorandum indicates that Omni University has obtained copious amounts of students and income since they offer the online courses. The author assumes that Humana University could gain benefits by the same method, opening online programs. However, there are issues about the assumptions listing in the following and render the author's hope conclusion might not come true.
First of all, the writer introduces that there are 50 percent incline of the enroll number of the online programs in Omni University and assumes that Humana University could also attain so many students by offering online courses. Nevertheless, there is no causation between a nearby school earn money and the other school could also make money. It is possible that the two schools have different features and these features bring them different kind of students. For instance, Humana University might be famous for their high quality laboratory equipment. In this way, even if Humana University conducts online programs, students might not be attracted and Humana still cannot increase their enroll number.
Moreover, the argument mentions that from the benefits of online courses which only need internet as facilities, Omni save a lot of expense on space, like dormitories and classrooms. The author assumes that by using the internet, Humana could reduce their expenditures, too. Nonetheless, there is no obvious relation between the cost in space and in all. Probably, Humana have no suitable computers and internet, so they have to purchase these facilities. Therefore, Humana might need to spend some money on facilities which might not lower their expenditures. The cost of maintains of internet and computers would be another expense which render the desire of decreasing expenditures a little far fetched.
Finally, the writer concludes that providing online programs like Omni could solve the low enrollment and income problem. Notwithstanding, there is no clear connection between a method to solve a school's plight and this method could also solve the other school's problem. Perhaps, Humana's mediocre enrollment might cause by other reasons, such as no superb and famous professors. To illustrate, if Humana only hire some professors who are not good at teaching and have no great achievements, students might not choose Humana as their colleges even if Humana offers online courses.
To sum up, the author's assumptions, providing online programs to appeal more students and decline the expenditures, might not hold water. Hence, the writer might not gain the desire result to have lavish income and students.
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flaws:
There is a 'pattern' in your mind to make arguments.
there is no causation between a nearby school earn money and the other school could also make money.
Nonetheless, there is no obvious relation between the cost in space and in all.
Notwithstanding, there is no clear connection between a method to solve a school's plight and this method could also solve the other school's problem.
and they are wrongly in grammar:
there is no causation between A and B. A, B should be not sentences.
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Need to find out flaws from the text:
Last year the number of students who enrolled in online degree programs offered by nearby Omni University increased by 50 percent. During the same year, Omni showed a significant decrease from prior years in expenditures for dormitory and classroom space, most likely because online instruction takes place via the Internet. //1. maybe 50 percent is not a big increase; 2, maybe other reasons caused the decline
In contrast, over the past three years, enrollment at Humana University has failed to grow and the cost of maintaining buildings has increased. //There are a lot of reasons caused those problems, for example, past three years are years for maintenance...
Thus, to increase enrollment and solve the problem of budget deficits at Humana University, we should initiate and actively promote online degree programs like those at Omni. //suppose it works greatly in A, it doesn't mean it will work greatly too in B....
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Attribute Value Ideal
Final score: 3.5 out of 6
Category: Satisfactory Excellent
No. of Grammatical Errors: 0 2
No. of Spelling Errors: 0 2
No. of Sentences: 20 15
No. of Words: 407 350
No. of Characters: 2147 1500
No. of Different Words: 190 200
Fourth Root of Number of Words: 4.492 4.7
Average Word Length: 5.275 4.6
Word Length SD: 2.563 2.4
No. of Words greater than 5 chars: 173 100
No. of Words greater than 6 chars: 117 80
No. of Words greater than 7 chars: 87 40
No. of Words greater than 8 chars: 46 20
Use of Passive Voice (%): 0 0
Avg. Sentence Length: 20.35 21.0
Sentence Length SD: 6.452 7.5
Use of Discourse Markers (%): 0.8 0.12
Sentence-Text Coherence: 0.333 0.35
Sentence-Para Coherence: 0.538 0.50
Sentence-Sentence Coherence: 0.08 0.07
Number of Paragraphs: 5 5