The reading material states that a set of clay jars found in Iran by local people earlier is not likely being used as electric batteries in ancient time. Reasons are as follows.
First, no metal wires found near the jars means the vessels were not used as battery otherwise they would be attached to some electric conductors. The listening material argues that these vessels were found by local people who were lack of professional knowledge. They may found some metal wires but they were not able to understand the use of them, so the wires were reported.
Secondly, reading material illustrates that the vessels were used to hold scrolls because the copper cylinders inside were exactly like what they found in an ancient city located nearby, where copper cylinders were used to holding scrolls of sacred texts. In the listening text, the professor discusses that the similarity of the copper cylinders does not prove anything. She argued that maybe the people in that ancient city invented these cylinders first, then people found they can be used in other ways, like batteries.
Last but not least, the reading material demonstrates that it is impossible for ancient people to use batteries because there was nothing replied on electricity. The professor in the listening material claims that electricity batteries could be used to shock people as the symbol of some invisible power. Moreover, they can also be used for healing for it can release muscles.
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Essay evaluation report
a set of clay jars found in Iran by local people earlier is not likely being used
a set of clay jars ... are not likely being used
Sentence: The listening material argues that these vessels were found by local people who were lack of professional knowledge.
Description: A verb 'to be', past tense, 2nd person singular or all is not usually followed by a noun, singular, common
Suggestion: Refer to were and lack
flaws:
The introduction is not correct. It is different to TOEFL independent essays, like 'Reasons are as follows'. We have to compare a little bit:
In these set of materials, the reading states that based on a discovery of clay jars in Iraq, there is a possibility that ancient people were not able to produce electric batteries, and provides three reasons of support. On the contrary, the professor refutes each author's reasons.
Read sample essays from ETS:
http://www.testbig.com/users/toeflwritingmaster
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All TPO integrated essay topics can be found in this page:
and you can start from TPO-01
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Attribute Value Ideal
Final score: 21 in 30
Category: Good Excellent
No. of Grammatical Errors: 2 2
No. of Spelling Errors: 0 2
No. of Sentences: 11 12
No. of Words: 242 250
No. of Characters: 1195 1200
No. of Different Words: 123 150
Fourth Root of Number of Words: 3.944 4.2
Average Word Length: 4.938 4.6
Word Length SD: 2.379 2.4
No. of Words greater than 5 chars: 83 80
No. of Words greater than 6 chars: 65 60
No. of Words greater than 7 chars: 39 40
No. of Words greater than 8 chars: 26 20
Use of Passive Voice (%): 0 0
Avg. Sentence Length: 22 21.0
Sentence Length SD: 8.697 7.5
Use of Discourse Markers (%): 0.545 0.12
Sentence-Text Coherence: 0.397 0.35
Sentence-Para Coherence: 0.64 0.50
Sentence-Sentence Coherence: 0.142 0.07
Number of Paragraphs: 4 4
I'm confused. How can I
I'm confused. How can I improve my writing? I just write different essay everyday or I need to revise every draft after your comments?
You will need to do both:
You will need to do both: rewrite the essay which is not satisfying and write new essays as you can.
and you don't rush. you are on the right track and just do what we told you.
To void the message like: 'It
To void the message like: 'It is not exactly right on the topic in the view of e-grader.', so go to this page:
http://www.testbig.com/toefl
and start the essays from TPO-01
Grammar and spelling errors:
Line 3, column 38, Rule ID: POSSESIVE_APOSTROPHE[1]
Message: Possible typo: apostrophe is missing. Did you mean 'jars'' or 'jar's'?
Suggestion: jars'; jar's
... First, no metal wires found near the jars means the vessels were not used as batt...
^^^^
Transition Words or Phrases used:
also, but, first, may, moreover, second, secondly, so, then
Attributes: Values AverageValues Percentages(Values/AverageValues)% => Comments
Performance on Part of Speech:
To be verbs : 17.0 10.4613686534 163% => OK
Auxiliary verbs: 6.0 5.04856512141 119% => OK
Conjunction : 2.0 7.30242825607 27% => More conjunction wanted.
Relative clauses : 10.0 12.0772626932 83% => OK
Pronoun: 20.0 22.412803532 89% => OK
Preposition: 26.0 30.3222958057 86% => OK
Nominalization: 0.0 5.01324503311 0% => More nominalization wanted.
Performance on vocabulary words:
No of characters: 1229.0 1373.03311258 90% => OK
No of words: 242.0 270.72406181 89% => OK
Chars per words: 5.07851239669 5.08290768461 100% => OK
Fourth root words length: 3.94415379849 4.04702891845 97% => OK
Word Length SD: 2.45193185281 2.5805825403 95% => OK
Unique words: 121.0 145.348785872 83% => OK
Unique words percentage: 0.5 0.540411800872 93% => OK
syllable_count: 382.5 419.366225166 91% => OK
avg_syllables_per_word: 1.6 1.55342163355 103% => OK
A sentence (or a clause, phrase) starts by:
Pronoun: 3.0 3.25607064018 92% => OK
Interrogative: 1.0 0.116997792494 855% => OK
Article: 5.0 8.23620309051 61% => OK
Subordination: 0.0 1.25165562914 0% => More adverbial clause wanted.
Conjunction: 0.0 1.51434878587 0% => OK
Preposition: 2.0 2.5761589404 78% => OK
Performance on sentences:
How many sentences: 11.0 13.0662251656 84% => OK
Sentence length: 22.0 21.2450331126 104% => OK
Sentence length SD: 55.2455076518 49.2860985944 112% => OK
Chars per sentence: 111.727272727 110.228320801 101% => OK
Words per sentence: 22.0 21.698381199 101% => OK
Discourse Markers: 5.36363636364 7.06452816374 76% => OK
Paragraphs: 4.0 4.09492273731 98% => OK
Language errors: 1.0 4.19205298013 24% => OK
Sentences with positive sentiment : 1.0 4.33554083885 23% => More positive sentences wanted.
Sentences with negative sentiment : 3.0 4.45695364238 67% => OK
Sentences with neutral sentiment: 7.0 4.27373068433 164% => OK
What are sentences with positive/Negative/neutral sentiment?
Coherence and Cohesion:
Essay topic to essay body coherence: 0.07306099824 0.272083759551 27% => The similarity between the topic and the content is low.
Sentence topic coherence: 0.0310880022912 0.0996497079465 31% => Sentence topic similarity is low.
Sentence topic coherence SD: 0.0350730476702 0.0662205650399 53% => OK
Paragraph topic coherence: 0.0547424774081 0.162205337803 34% => Maybe some paragraphs are off the topic.
Paragraph topic coherence SD: 0.0378395544377 0.0443174109184 85% => OK
Essay readability:
automated_readability_index: 13.5 13.3589403974 101% => OK
flesch_reading_ease: 49.15 53.8541721854 91% => OK
smog_index: 3.1 5.55761589404 56% => Smog_index is low.
flesch_kincaid_grade: 11.9 11.0289183223 108% => OK
coleman_liau_index: 12.18 12.2367328918 100% => OK
dale_chall_readability_score: 7.6 8.42419426049 90% => OK
difficult_words: 44.0 63.6247240618 69% => More difficult words wanted.
linsear_write_formula: 7.5 10.7273730684 70% => Linsear_write_formula is low.
gunning_fog: 10.8 10.498013245 103% => OK
text_standard: 8.0 11.2008830022 71% => The average readability is low. Need to imporve the language.
What are above readability scores?
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It is not exactly right on the topic in the view of e-grader. Maybe there is a wrong essay topic.
Rates: 3.33333333333 out of 100
Scores by essay e-grader: 1.0 Out of 30
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Note: the e-grader does NOT examine the meaning of words and ideas. VIP users will receive further evaluations by advanced module of e-grader and human graders.