"The following appeared as part of a petition sent to residents of Youngtown by an environmental protection group:
"The Smith Corporation shouldn't be permitted to develop the land that is now part of the Youngtown Wildlife Preserve. This sanctuary is essential to the survival of the 300 bird species that live in our area. Although only a small percentage of the land will be sold to Smith,the proposed development will have disastrous consequences for our area. The company plans to build a small hotel on the land. Although they have promised to ensure the preservation of the sanctuary,there is no way that their plans will do anything but harm the sanctuary. There are no circumstances under which this sale will benefit our community, which relies on tourists who visit primarily to see our magnificent bird population."" -
Write a response in which you examine the started and/or unstated assumptions of the argument. Be sure to explain how the argument depends on these assumptions and what the implications are if the assumptions prove unwarranted.
This petition has a lot of good points but those are undeveloped and therefore too weak, making the overall text not persuasive as of why the Youngtown Wildlife Preserve should stay undeveloped. The author should have develop the point of "disastrous consequences" as it could be the strongest point of his written. The emphasis of the benefits of not building the hotel to not disturbe the reserve is too weak and the overall petition is weakened by the author undermining the effects of developing the land.
Firstly, if the author had given examples of disastrous consequences, probably by mentioning similar developments made in another protected area elsewhere, the petition would have taken another dimension. To build an hotel in a wildlife reserve would have cause light pollution from the hotel lights during the night, noise pollution from the people living at the hotel, from the HVAC etc..., pollution from people living there etc...this just a short list of the examples which would have reinforce the author point of view.
Besides, the author weaken his argument by stating that tourists come to see this wildlife reserve protects about 300 bird species; as tourisum equals accomodation. So the author here is given a point to the Smith Corporation to build an hotel. The author should highlight for example that this big hotel will destroy the small tourist industry in the towns sourrounding the sanctuary; small restaurant, coffee shop and motel will run out of business as tourists will go to the Smith Corporation new hotel.
Moreover, "small hotel", "small percentage of the land", are too weak to make people react to the risks caused by the development. The author once again make his argument weak my diminishing the size of the development therefore making it negligeable and so not worrying. The author should have exagerate, in it own limits, the size of this projects in the sanctuary in order to emphasize its dangers.
In conclusion, probably not a lot of people will get worried after reading the author petition. The environmental protection group should have emphasize the negative consequences of developing an hotel in the Wildlife Preserve as we have seen throughout this essay. In using the points made, people would probably feel more concerned and threatened by such a corporate development in an undisturbed and protected area.
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| 2013-03-05 | Guillaume_8667 | 63 | view |
| 2012-12-07 | Sauvik_B | 95 | view |
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Sentence: The author should have develop the point of 'disastrous consequences' as it could be the strongest point of his written.
Description: A verb 'to have', uninflected present tense, infinitive or is not usually followed by a verb, base: uninflected present, imperative or infinitive
Suggestion: Refer to have and develop
Sentence: To build an hotel in a wildlife reserve would have cause light pollution from the hotel lights during the night, noise pollution from the people living at the hotel, from the HVAC etc..., pollution from people living there etc...this just a short list of the examples which would have reinforce the author point of view.
Description: A verb 'to have', uninflected present tense, infinitive or is not usually followed by a verb, base: uninflected present, imperative or infinitive
Suggestion: Refer to have and reinforce
Sentence: Besides, the author weaken his argument by stating that tourists come to see this wildlife reserve protects about 300 bird species; as tourisum equals accomodation.
Description: The fragment author weaken his is rare
Suggestion: Possible agreement error: Replace weaken with verb, past tense
Sentence: The environmental protection group should have emphasize the negative consequences of developing an hotel in the Wildlife Preserve as we have seen throughout this essay.
Description: A verb 'to have', uninflected present tense, infinitive or is not usually followed by a verb, base: uninflected present, imperative or infinitive
Suggestion: Refer to have and emphasize
Sentence: The emphasis of the benefits of not building the hotel to not disturbe the reserve is too weak and the overall petition is weakened by the author undermining the effects of developing the land.
Error: disturbe Suggestion: disturbed
Sentence: The author should highlight for example that this big hotel will destroy the small tourist industry in the towns sourrounding the sanctuary; small restaurant, coffee shop and motel will run out of business as tourists will go to the Smith Corporation new hotel.
Error: sourrounding Suggestion: surrounding
Sentence: The author should have exagerate, in it own limits, the size of this projects in the sanctuary in order to emphasize its dangers.
Error: exagerate Suggestion: exaggerate
flaws:
No. of Grammatical Errors: 4 2
No. of Spelling Errors: 3 2
Attribute Value Ideal
Score: 4.0 out of 6
Category: Satisfactory Excellent
No. of Grammatical Errors: 4 2
No. of Spelling Errors: 3 2
No. of Sentences: 14 15
No. of Words: 387 350
No. of Characters: 1934 1500
No. of Different Words: 185 200
Fourth Root of Number of Words: 4.435 4.7
Average Word Length: 4.997 4.6
Word Length SD: 2.699 2.4
No. of Words greater than 5 chars: 136 100
No. of Words greater than 6 chars: 103 80
No. of Words greater than 7 chars: 82 40
No. of Words greater than 8 chars: 50 20
Use of Passive Voice (%): 0 0
Avg. Sentence Length: 27.643 21.0
Sentence Length SD: 10.458 7.5
Use of Discourse Markers (%): 0.571 0.12
Sentence-Text Coherence: 0.376 0.35
Sentence-Para Coherence: 0.632 0.50
Sentence-Sentence Coherence: 0.114 0.07
Number of Paragraphs: 5 5