The best way for a society to prepare its young people for leadership in government, industry, or other fields is by instilling in them a sense of cooperation, not competition.
In the modern society, we can easily see the competition around us. When we turn on TVs, there are programs like American Idols which select talented singers based on the competition. However, I don't necessarily think the competition is the best way to endorse the young leaders in different fields. Rather, the sense of cooperation seems to have more positive result to bring up spirited young leaders in our society.
Admittedly, competition can function to select the most intelligent or most talented people based on the equal standard. Anyone can get into higher positions or promoted to them if one's performance is great. Because of this characteristic, the competition can become the catalyst for young people to improve themselves. For instance, if a student performance at school is at the top level, he or she might go to good college and the possibility that he or she can succeed gets higher. Therefore, many students study hard to get higher scores in exams. Competition among students is equal and gives them incentives to improve their scores. However, the fierce competition sometimes results in disagreements and struggles among people. In reality, students who are so eager to get higher score steal the notes and books of smart students. Even students who always did second in the class put chemicals in the lens case of the student who was the first. Likewise, the purpose of competition can be distorted due to the disagreement between competitors.
Cooperation can become a real way for young people to find what they are good at. In groups, there are numerous types of people with different aptitudes. In the cooperative environment, people can share their works depending on one's talent. Therefore, the possibility that people could find their aptitude is higher under the cooperative environment. In addition, in the modern society, issues are so intricate that it is implausible that one elite would solve them successfully. Rather, when different people work together, the issues can be analyzed in different aspects that there can be a synergetic effect.
To sum up, under the competitive environment, the disagreements and struggles can happen among people. Therefore, the cooperative environment is the best way to raise future leaders who can solve the issue in groups.
| Post date | Users | Rates | Link to Content |
|---|---|---|---|
| 2017-09-14 | davidarranow | 50 | view |
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Comments
Essay evaluation report
argument 1 -- OK, but the example is not so closely related to the key words 'leadership'.
argument 2 -- OK
flaws:
Need 1 or 2 more arguments.
read a sample:
http://www.testbig.com/gmatgre-issue-task-essays/best-way-society-prepa…
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Attribute Value Ideal
Final score: 3.0 out of 6
Category: Satisfactory Excellent
No. of Grammatical Errors: 0 2
No. of Spelling Errors: 0 2
No. of Sentences: 22 15
No. of Words: 374 350
No. of Characters: 1883 1500
No. of Different Words: 189 200
Fourth Root of Number of Words: 4.398 4.7
Average Word Length: 5.035 4.6
Word Length SD: 2.817 2.4
No. of Words greater than 5 chars: 136 100
No. of Words greater than 6 chars: 95 80
No. of Words greater than 7 chars: 73 40
No. of Words greater than 8 chars: 51 20
Use of Passive Voice (%): 0 0
Avg. Sentence Length: 17 21.0
Sentence Length SD: 4.719 7.5
Use of Discourse Markers (%): 0.545 0.12
Sentence-Text Coherence: 0.311 0.35
Sentence-Para Coherence: 0.473 0.50
Sentence-Sentence Coherence: 0.125 0.07
Number of Paragraphs: 4 5
Grammar and spelling errors:
Line 1, column 1, Rule ID: WHITESPACE_RULE
Message: Possible typo: you repeated a whitespace
Suggestion:
In the modern society, we can easily see...
^^^^
Line 1, column 46, Rule ID: NOUN_AROUND_IT[1]
Message: Consider using 'the surrounding competition'?
Suggestion: the surrounding competition
...n the modern society, we can easily see the competition around us. When we turn on TVs, there are program...
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Line 1, column 200, Rule ID: EN_CONTRACTION_SPELLING
Message: Possible spelling mistake found
Suggestion: don't
...rs based on the competition. However, I dont necessarily think the competition is th...
^^^^
Line 3, column 1, Rule ID: WHITESPACE_RULE
Message: Possible typo: you repeated a whitespace
Suggestion:
...irited young leaders in our society. Admittedly, competition can function to ...
^^^^^
Line 3, column 187, Rule ID: ONES[1]
Message: Did you mean 'one's'?
Suggestion: one's
...higher positions or promoted to them if ones performance is great. Because of this c...
^^^^
Line 4, column 1, Rule ID: WHITESPACE_RULE
Message: Possible typo: you repeated a whitespace
Suggestion:
... the disagreement between competitors. Cooperation can become a real way for ...
^^^^^
Line 6, column 1, Rule ID: WHITESPACE_RULE
Message: Possible typo: you repeated a whitespace
Suggestion:
...hat there can be a synergetic effect. To sum up, under the competitive enviro...
^^^^^^
Transition Words or Phrases used:
first, however, if, likewise, second, so, therefore, for instance, in addition, to sum up
Attributes: Values AverageValues Percentages(Values/AverageValues)% => Comments
Performance on Part of Speech:
To be verbs : 16.0 19.5258426966 82% => OK
Auxiliary verbs: 15.0 12.4196629213 121% => OK
Conjunction : 9.0 14.8657303371 61% => OK
Relative clauses : 12.0 11.3162921348 106% => OK
Pronoun: 24.0 33.0505617978 73% => OK
Preposition: 54.0 58.6224719101 92% => OK
Nominalization: 20.0 12.9106741573 155% => OK
Performance on vocabulary words:
No of characters: 1937.0 2235.4752809 87% => OK
No of words: 373.0 442.535393258 84% => More content wanted.
Chars per words: 5.19302949062 5.05705443957 103% => OK
Fourth root words length: 4.39467950092 4.55969084622 96% => OK
Word Length SD: 2.92458769829 2.79657885939 105% => OK
Unique words: 193.0 215.323595506 90% => More unique words wanted.
Unique words percentage: 0.517426273458 0.4932671777 105% => OK
syllable_count: 612.9 704.065955056 87% => OK
avg_syllables_per_word: 1.6 1.59117977528 101% => OK
A sentence (or a clause, phrase) starts by:
Pronoun: 3.0 6.24550561798 48% => OK
Article: 8.0 4.99550561798 160% => OK
Subordination: 4.0 3.10617977528 129% => OK
Conjunction: 0.0 1.77640449438 0% => OK
Preposition: 9.0 4.38483146067 205% => Less preposition wanted as sentence beginnings.
Performance on sentences:
How many sentences: 22.0 20.2370786517 109% => OK
Sentence length: 16.0 23.0359550562 69% => The Avg. Sentence Length is relatively short.
Sentence length SD: 22.739087838 60.3974514979 38% => The essay contains lots of sentences with the similar length. More sentence varieties wanted.
Chars per sentence: 88.0454545455 118.986275619 74% => OK
Words per sentence: 16.9545454545 23.4991977007 72% => OK
Discourse Markers: 4.04545454545 5.21951772744 78% => OK
Paragraphs: 4.0 4.97078651685 80% => OK
Language errors: 7.0 7.80617977528 90% => OK
Sentences with positive sentiment : 14.0 10.2758426966 136% => OK
Sentences with negative sentiment : 4.0 5.13820224719 78% => OK
Sentences with neutral sentiment: 4.0 4.83258426966 83% => OK
What are sentences with positive/Negative/neutral sentiment?
Coherence and Cohesion:
Essay topic to essay body coherence: 0.129496759387 0.243740707755 53% => OK
Sentence topic coherence: 0.0411748156957 0.0831039109588 50% => OK
Sentence topic coherence SD: 0.047121485464 0.0758088955206 62% => OK
Paragraph topic coherence: 0.0810471574035 0.150359130593 54% => OK
Paragraph topic coherence SD: 0.0261543289045 0.0667264976115 39% => Paragraphs are similar to each other. Some content may get duplicated or it is not exactly right on the topic.
Essay readability:
automated_readability_index: 11.5 14.1392134831 81% => Automated_readability_index is low.
flesch_reading_ease: 55.24 48.8420337079 113% => OK
smog_index: 8.8 7.92365168539 111% => OK
flesch_kincaid_grade: 9.5 12.1743820225 78% => OK
coleman_liau_index: 12.53 12.1639044944 103% => OK
dale_chall_readability_score: 8.07 8.38706741573 96% => OK
difficult_words: 86.0 100.480337079 86% => OK
linsear_write_formula: 9.0 11.8971910112 76% => OK
gunning_fog: 8.4 11.2143820225 75% => OK
text_standard: 9.0 11.7820224719 76% => OK
What are above readability scores?
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Better to have 5/6 paragraphs with 3/4 arguments. And try always support/against one side but compare two sides, like this:
para 1: introduction
para 2: reason 1. address both of the views presented for reason 1
para 3: reason 2. address both of the views presented for reason 2
para 4: reason 3. address both of the views presented for reason 3
para 5: reason 4. address both of the views presented for reason 4 (optional)
para 6: conclusion.
Rates: 50.0 out of 100
Scores by essay e-grader: 3.0 Out of 6
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Note: the e-grader does NOT examine the meaning of words and ideas. VIP users will receive further evaluations by advanced module of e-grader and human graders.