Discuss an accomplishment, event, or realization that sparked a period of personal growth and a new understanding of yourself or others.
A BETTER VERSION OF MYSELF
I spend all my days and nights looking for a purpose in life and though I might be 17, I feel the burden of not giving back to life after everything I've been blessed with. It might sound clichéd when I say that I can't imagine a life without purpose but I kid you not when I say I have trouble sleeping at night on the days I feel I took more from life than I gave back to it.
In early 2015, labour reforms in Saudi Arabia led to abnormal tuition fee hikes at international schools. Students, especially girls were forced to discontinue their studies. I also had to change my school. I was used to loud foreign accents discussing boy bands and a very relaxed dress code. Now, I had to wear a uniform and, instead of electives like art or music, I had Islamic education on my syllabus.
Despite the drastic transition, I felt lucky to be enrolled In a school, whereas, my friends had to discontinue their studies. I was devastated when few of them had to move back home to get married. Girls at this age are supposed to be having fun and enjoying their lives but they found themselves in the clutches of social norms. Schopenhauer said that "we all take the limits of our vision for the limits of the world." This is what restrains us, unless we wish to outgrow these limits. And many of us do not choose to outgrow them, simply because we do not even realise these limits are there. I felt that I should take a stand against this heinous practice and encourage parents to provide education to their daughters.
I set up private classes at my home where I started providing free tuitions to twelve of my classmates, who were not able to attend school. Throughout the course of four months, I felt like I was on a high. As I spent time teaching them, I realised the power of personal human connections to not only inspire meaningful change, but also to enhance greater understanding for people.
Their impressive high school results provided me the impetus to continue this noble cause. I faced severe criticism, especially from my conservative father, who has never supported me in pursuing education. Despite such negativity, I employed my success for the cause which has always been close to my heart - education for girls.
During the next academic year, I joined hands with a few volunteers to provide free tuition to girls from grade 6 to grade 10, while I focussed on teaching A Levels subjects to my classmates. The initiative proved successful, and is now in its third year of operation, and has 13 girl volunteers who provide free tuitions to more than 150 girls. During my gap year, I have devoted all my time and effort to continue this fairy-tale, and now I am encouraging junior students to take responsibility and continue the effort- to shape leaders of tomorrow.
Moreover, I have established a crowdfunding platform, where girls pool their savings and can utilise lump sum amounts to pursue their interests openly, in such an innately oppressive system for women. It's good to see them shopping at luxury stores, or watching Brad Pitt movies, or probably eating way too many shawarmas, things they would have hesitated asking their male guardians for funding.
I have realised that despite having chosen to take this initiative, I haven't even given the girls half of what they've given to me. And that makes me want to push myself even more. Their commitment to stand against social practices and pursue education, encourages me get up every morning, and be a better version of myself, fully charged with love, passion, creativity and a need to channel that in the world outside which so desperately needs to shun negativity and focus on improving people's lives.
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Grammar and spelling errors:
Line 6, column 150, Rule ID: EN_CONTRACTION_SPELLING
Message: Possible spelling mistake found
Suggestion: I've
...ot giving back to life after everything Ive been blessed with. It might sound clich...
^^^
Line 6, column 214, Rule ID: CANT[1]
Message: Did you mean 'can't' or 'cannot'?
Suggestion: can't; cannot
...t might sound clichéd when I say that I cant imagine a life without purpose but I ki...
^^^^
Line 20, column 71, Rule ID: EN_CONTRACTION_SPELLING
Message: Possible spelling mistake found
Suggestion: haven't
...aving chosen to take this initiative, I havent even given the girls half of what theyv...
^^^^^^
Line 20, column 112, Rule ID: EN_CONTRACTION_SPELLING
Message: Possible spelling mistake found
Suggestion: they've
...avent even given the girls half of what theyve given to me. And that makes me want to ...
^^^^^^
Transition Words or Phrases used:
also, but, if, look, moreover, so, third, whereas, while, i feel
Attributes: Values AverageValues Percentages(Values/AverageValues)% => Comments
Performance on Part of Speech:
To be verbs : 15.0 7.0 214% => Less to be verbs wanted.
Auxiliary verbs: 6.0 1.00243902439 599% => Less auxiliary verb wanted.
Conjunction : 24.0 6.8 353% => Less conjunction wanted
Relative clauses : 16.0 3.15609756098 507% => Less relative clauses wanted (maybe 'which' is over used).
Pronoun: 95.0 5.60731707317 1694% => Less pronouns wanted
Preposition: 93.0 33.7804878049 275% => Less preposition wanted.
Nominalization: 11.0 3.97073170732 277% => Less nominalizations (nouns with a suffix like: tion ment ence ance) wanted.
Performance on vocabulary words:
No of characters: 3092.0 965.302439024 320% => Less number of characters wanted.
No of words: 653.0 196.424390244 332% => Less content wanted.
Chars per words: 4.73506891271 4.92477711251 96% => OK
Fourth root words length: 5.05508305356 3.73543355544 135% => OK
Word Length SD: 2.65344405776 2.65546596893 100% => OK
Unique words: 358.0 106.607317073 336% => Less unique words wanted.
Unique words percentage: 0.548238897397 0.547539520022 100% => OK
syllable_count: 956.7 283.868780488 337% => syllable counts are too long.
avg_syllables_per_word: 1.5 1.45097560976 103% => OK
A sentence (or a clause, phrase) starts by:
Pronoun: 26.0 1.53170731707 1697% => Less pronouns wanted as sentence beginning.
Article: 2.0 4.33902439024 46% => OK
Subordination: 3.0 1.07073170732 280% => Less adverbial clause wanted.
Conjunction: 9.0 0.482926829268 1864% => Less conjunction wanted as sentence beginning.
Preposition: 8.0 3.36585365854 238% => Less preposition wanted as sentence beginnings.
Performance on sentences:
How many sentences: 27.0 8.94146341463 302% => Too many sentences.
Sentence length: 24.0 22.4926829268 107% => OK
Sentence length SD: 61.3177874376 43.030603864 142% => OK
Chars per sentence: 114.518518519 112.824112599 102% => OK
Words per sentence: 24.1851851852 22.9334400587 105% => OK
Discourse Markers: 2.37037037037 5.23603664747 45% => More transition words/phrases wanted.
Paragraphs: 9.0 3.83414634146 235% => Less paragraphs wanted.
Language errors: 4.0 1.69756097561 236% => Less language errors wanted.
Sentences with positive sentiment : 18.0 3.70975609756 485% => Less positive sentences wanted.
Sentences with negative sentiment : 5.0 1.13902439024 439% => Less negative sentences wanted.
Sentences with neutral sentiment: 4.0 4.09268292683 98% => OK
What are sentences with positive/Negative/neutral sentiment?
Coherence and Cohesion:
Essay topic to essay body coherence: 0.0175466039639 0.215688989381 8% => OK
Sentence topic coherence: 0.00512325593301 0.103423049105 5% => OK
Sentence topic coherence SD: 0.0155813998008 0.0843802449381 18% => Sentences are similar to each other.
Paragraph topic coherence: 0.00869292128853 0.15604864568 6% => OK
Paragraph topic coherence SD: 0.0139371009086 0.0819641961636 17% => Paragraphs are similar to each other. Some content may get duplicated or it is not exactly right on the topic.
Essay readability:
automated_readability_index: 13.0 13.2329268293 98% => OK
flesch_reading_ease: 55.58 61.2550243902 91% => OK
smog_index: 8.8 6.51609756098 135% => OK
flesch_kincaid_grade: 11.5 10.3012195122 112% => OK
coleman_liau_index: 10.51 11.4140731707 92% => OK
dale_chall_readability_score: 8.67 8.06136585366 108% => OK
difficult_words: 159.0 40.7170731707 390% => Less difficult words wanted.
linsear_write_formula: 17.5 11.4329268293 153% => OK
gunning_fog: 11.6 10.9970731707 105% => OK
text_standard: 12.0 11.0658536585 108% => OK
What are above readability scores?
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Maximum four paragraphs wanted.
It is not exactly right on the topic in the view of e-grader. Maybe there is a wrong essay topic.
Rates: 11.2359550562 out of 100
Scores by essay e-grader: 1.0 Out of 9
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Note: the e-grader does NOT examine the meaning of words and ideas. VIP users will receive further evaluations by advanced module of e-grader and human graders.