The graphs below show the post school qualifications held by Australians in the age groups 25 to 34 and 55 to 69

Essay topics:

The graphs below show the post-school qualifications held by Australians in the age groups 25 to 34 and 55 to 69.

Firstly,The graph shows below in age groups between 25 to 34 and 55 to 69 in Australians post-school qualifications.

In first pie chart shows the age group between 25 to 34 hold a degree their main fields of study like social,arts is accupy first place in hold a degree in age groups between 25 to 34 with 19.48% but in ages 55 to 69 the social science,arts occupy first place in hold a degree with 20.42% only.

Next in Administration youngstars occupy more then 5% in 55 to 69 age groups.After this law is slitely change it means only 2% different from each age groups.Coming to medicine in old age groups occupy huge place compared to young stars in this 4% higher then youngstars.

In Architecture again higher then old age group with 1%.In Engineering field young stars is huge less in old age group with 10% difference between each age groups the upper hand in this is old age group.Veterinary,Agriculture field both are in same with 2%.Science,Maths,Information Technology fields young stars are upper hand in this with 8%.

In Educational field there is slitely difference in both groups only with 1% and in other field also slitely difference with .24%.

finally conclusion is young stars are first place in hold a degrees compared with old age group.

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Sentence: In first pie chart shows the age group between 25 to 34 hold a degree their main fields of study like social,arts is accupy first place in hold a degree in age groups between 25 to 34 with 19.48 but in ages 55 to 69 the social science,arts occupy first place in hold a degree with 20.42 only.
Description: The token is is not usually followed by a verb, base: uninflected present, imperative or infinitive
Suggestion: Refer to is and accupy
Description: The token in is not usually followed by a verb, base: uninflected present, imperative or infinitive
Suggestion: Refer to in and hold

Sentence: finally conclusion is young stars are first place in hold a degrees compared with old age group.
Description: The fragment finally conclusion is rare
Suggestion: Possible agreement error: Replace finally with adjective
Description: The token in is not usually followed by a verb, base: uninflected present, imperative or infinitive
Suggestion: Refer to in and hold

flaws:
No. of Grammatical Errors: 4 2
Number of Paragraphs: 6 4

Always put a space after punctuation marks. E-rater is sensitive.

Always capitalize the first letter of a sentence.

Don't forget punctuation marks.

better to have 4 paragraphs:

para 1: introduction
para 2: body 1
para 3: body 2
para 4: conclusion

sample:
http://www.testbig.com/ielts-essays/graph-below-gives-information-about…

or
para 1: introduction
para 2: conclusion
para 3: body 1
para 4: body 2

sample:
http://www.testbig.com/ielts-essays/climograph-below-shows-average-mont…
http://www.testbig.com/ielts-essays/graphs-below-show-types-music-album…
http://www.testbig.com/ielts-essays/table-below-gives-information-about…

Attribute Value Ideal
Score: 5.5 out of 9
Category: Satisfactory Excellent
No. of Grammatical Errors: 4 2
No. of Spelling Errors: 0 2
No. of Sentences: 6 10
No. of Words: 229 200
No. of Characters: 1010 1000
No. of Different Words: 100 100
Fourth Root of Number of Words: 3.89 4.7
Average Word Length: 4.41 4.6
Word Length SD: 2.516 2.4
No. of Words greater than 5 chars: 55 60
No. of Words greater than 6 chars: 33 50
No. of Words greater than 7 chars: 21 40
No. of Words greater than 8 chars: 18 20
Use of Passive Voice (%): 0 0
Avg. Sentence Length: 38.167 21.0
Sentence Length SD: 18.951 7.5
Use of Discourse Markers (%): 1 0.12
Sentence-Text Coherence: 0.54 0.35
Sentence-Para Coherence: 1 0.50
Sentence-Sentence Coherence: 0.197 0.07
Number of Paragraphs: 6 4