If you could change one important thing about your hometown,
what would you change? Use reasons and specific examples to
support your answer.
The country of good organization is a reflection of how much the government cares to be their country in a good view not just for the tourists but also for their inhabitants. Since we live in a world that witnesses great developments, so we must be update with these expansions, no one likes to hear that his country is uncivilized. May the technology cause some problem but with a little organization we can solve it, because we cannot abandon on it. My hometown suffers from a serious problem which is congestion; it’s one of the problems that I really want to solve it.
First of all, there are many reasons for this problem one of these reasons is increase the number of the private cars, which is the fundament of congestion problem. Now a day every house in my hometown has more than one car and every person in this house wants to drive his/her own car even they drive to the same location. The people need to wait in their cars many hours to arrive to their works due to the congestion. For example, my work begins at eight am, but I wake at 6 am to arrive to my job at a time due to the unbelievable congestion, so I waste one hour just for that reason. My problem that I mention it before is the same problem that every person in my home town suffers from it. There are many solutions for this problem; with respect to me the first thing that I will do it, is improving the public transportation to attract the people to use it rather than the usage of private one, so the percentage of congestion will decrease. For instance, if there are four people use four car, they will use one public car with good service rather than usage of four there is a big different.
Second, the other reasons of congestion is the roads with a lot of digs, so every driver consume ten minute to pass these digs in peace without collides another car. This is a big problem that may lead to lose our life, if we don’t notice these digs. If I am a member on the government I will maintain these roads every month, that’s help a lot of person to drive without hesitate that at any time he will make accident and the result is lose one of his family lives. In my view, I don’t think that the technology has a bad side that side is due to abuse of this grace. Due to the technology we have a car but due to abuse this invention the congestion is happen. Yesterday I watched a program about invention a machine in china that uses a laser to forecast where the dig will occur and they maintain it before it happen, to provide a comfortable for their people.
To conclude, we just need to work together and follow the rule in order to improve our country, to become in a good view not just to attract the tourist but also for us because one of our right is to live in a good country but we must not forget our duty to protect it in order to worth that right.
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Sentence: First of all, there are many reasons for this problem one of these reasons is increase the number of the private cars, which is the fundament of congestion problem.
Description: The token is is not usually followed by a verb, base: uninflected present, imperative or infinitive
Suggestion: Refer to is and increase
Sentence: Second, the other reasons of congestion is the roads with a lot of digs, so every driver consume ten minute to pass these digs in peace without collides another car.
Description: The fragment driver consume ten is rare
Suggestion: Possible agreement error: Replace consume with verb, past tense
Sentence: Due to the technology we have a car but due to abuse this invention the congestion is happen.
Description: The fragment is happen . is rare
Suggestion: Possible agreement error: Replace happen with verb, past participle
Sentence: First of all, there are many reasons for this problem one of these reasons is increase the number of the private cars, which is the fundament of congestion problem.
Error: fundament Suggestion: No alternate word
flaws:
No. of Words: 546 350 (write the essay in half an hour)
No. of Grammatical Errors: 4 2 (Read a good grammar book)
Avg. Sentence Length: 30.333 21.0 (Don't forget punctuation marks)
Attribute Value Ideal
Score: 22 in 30
Category: Good Excellent
No. of Grammatical Errors: 4 2
No. of Spelling Errors: 0 2
No. of Sentences: 18 15
No. of Words: 546 350
No. of Characters: 2253 1500
No. of Different Words: 226 200
Fourth Root of Number of Words: 4.834 4.7
Average Word Length: 4.126 4.6
Word Length SD: 2.322 2.4
No. of Words greater than 5 chars: 123 100
No. of Words greater than 6 chars: 88 80
No. of Words greater than 7 chars: 47 40
No. of Words greater than 8 chars: 31 20
Use of Passive Voice (%): 0 0
Avg. Sentence Length: 30.333 21.0
Sentence Length SD: 10.975 7.5
Use of Discourse Markers (%): 0.778 0.12
Sentence-Text Coherence: 0.331 0.35
Sentence-Para Coherence: 0.51 0.50
Sentence-Sentence Coherence: 0.187 0.07
Number of Paragraphs: 4 5