The use of hormone in cows by farmers in Jalikistan has drastically risen for the past twenty seven years, this has resulted in larger cows and more milk production. This hormone according to the argument is responsible for the increase in childhood obesity. This argument is however only based on assumptions with no substantial proofs because other factors that could account for obesity were not taken into consideration.
Firstly, no previous trend of obesity rate in the area was provided, perhaps there was already a rise in childhood obesity before the introduction of the hormone. There is no way to tell the rise in obesity trend in the community, the author only provided an increase rate which makes the conclusion faulty.
Furthermore, no information is provided on other possible factors (genetic factors, lack of physical activity, unhealthy eating patterns or a combination of these factors) that could account for obesity other than the intake of milk. Since there was no change in the amount of milk consumed, it difficult to tell that cow milk was responsible for the increase of obesity most times would not arise due to intake of just a single source of food.
The claim that children who are lactose intolerant who drink almond or soy milk do not have the same increase in obesity is unsubstantiated. Although almond and soy milk do not contain as much calories as cow milk, it does not follow, however, that this is why they do not have the same increase in obesity because other food intake taken by lactose intolerant children was not given consideration. Also, the argument does not take into account the increase rate in obesity of children who did not take cow milk because it is possible that lactose intolerant children also had an increase in obesity rate but not the same as those who were lactose tolerant.
Despite the flaws in this arguments, the author may be correct by strengthening the argument by documenting its important premise with data. If, for example, data was provided for obesity trends before the introduction of hormone, other factors other than hormones was accounted for and data for lactose intolerant children was provided. Were this is the case, hormone introduction might be justified.
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- 1. In 1992, many farmers in Jalikistan began using a hormone designed to produce larger cows that would produce more milk. Since then, childhood obesity in Jalikistan has grown by 200 percent. The amount of milk and dairy consumed by children in this area 67
Essay evaluation report
Attribute Value Ideal
Final score: 4.0 out of 6
Category: Good Excellent
No. of Grammatical Errors: 0 2
No. of Spelling Errors: 0 2
No. of Sentences: 20 15
No. of Words: 511 350
No. of Characters: 2525 1500
No. of Different Words: 196 200
Fourth Root of Number of Words: 4.755 4.7
Average Word Length: 4.941 4.6
Word Length SD: 2.672 2.4
No. of Words greater than 5 chars: 178 100
No. of Words greater than 6 chars: 154 80
No. of Words greater than 7 chars: 94 40
No. of Words greater than 8 chars: 51 20
Use of Passive Voice (%): 0 0
Avg. Sentence Length: 25.55 21.0
Sentence Length SD: 9.846 7.5
Use of Discourse Markers (%): 0.4 0.12
Sentence-Text Coherence: 0.349 0.35
Sentence-Para Coherence: 0.456 0.50
Sentence-Sentence Coherence: 0.135 0.07
Number of Paragraphs: 3 5
Grammar and spelling errors:
Line 1, column 312, Rule ID: WHO_NOUN[1]
Message: A noun should not follow "who". Try changing to a verb or maybe to 'who is a are'.
Suggestion: who is a are
...or decreased. Children in the same area who are lactose intolerant, and who drink almon...
^^^^^^^
Line 4, column 88, Rule ID: EN_COMPOUNDS
Message: This word is normally spelled with hyphen.
Suggestion: twenty-seven
...stan has drastically risen for the past twenty seven years, this has resulted in larger cows...
^^^^^^^^^^^^
Line 7, column 25, Rule ID: WHO_NOUN[1]
Message: A noun should not follow "who". Try changing to a verb or maybe to 'who is a are'.
Suggestion: who is a are
...urce of food. The claim that children who are lactose intolerant who drink almond or ...
^^^^^^^
Line 7, column 189, Rule ID: MUCH_COUNTABLE[1]
Message: Use 'many' with countable nouns.
Suggestion: many
...h almond and soy milk do not contain as much calories as cow milk, it does not follo...
^^^^
Line 8, column 22, Rule ID: THIS_NNS[1]
Message: Did you mean 'these'?
Suggestion: these
...lactose tolerant. Despite the flaws in this arguments, the author may be correct by...
^^^^
Transition Words or Phrases used:
also, but, first, firstly, furthermore, however, if, may, so, then, for example
Attributes: Values AverageValues Percentages(Values/AverageValues)% => Comments
Performance on Part of Speech:
To be verbs : 25.0 19.6327345309 127% => OK
Auxiliary verbs: 8.0 12.9520958084 62% => OK
Conjunction : 12.0 11.1786427146 107% => OK
Relative clauses : 17.0 13.6137724551 125% => OK
Pronoun: 25.0 28.8173652695 87% => OK
Preposition: 63.0 55.5748502994 113% => OK
Nominalization: 17.0 16.3942115768 104% => OK
Performance on vocabulary words:
No of characters: 2586.0 2260.96107784 114% => OK
No of words: 511.0 441.139720559 116% => OK
Chars per words: 5.06066536204 5.12650576532 99% => OK
Fourth root words length: 4.75450408675 4.56307096286 104% => OK
Word Length SD: 2.75434873231 2.78398813304 99% => OK
Unique words: 206.0 204.123752495 101% => OK
Unique words percentage: 0.40313111546 0.468620217663 86% => More unique words wanted or less content wanted.
syllable_count: 838.8 705.55239521 119% => OK
avg_syllables_per_word: 1.6 1.59920159681 100% => OK
A sentence (or a clause, phrase) starts by:
Pronoun: 6.0 4.96107784431 121% => OK
Article: 7.0 8.76447105788 80% => OK
Subordination: 3.0 2.70958083832 111% => OK
Conjunction: 1.0 1.67365269461 60% => OK
Preposition: 5.0 4.22255489022 118% => OK
Performance on sentences:
How many sentences: 20.0 19.7664670659 101% => OK
Sentence length: 25.0 22.8473053892 109% => OK
Sentence length SD: 55.4251522325 57.8364921388 96% => OK
Chars per sentence: 129.3 119.503703932 108% => OK
Words per sentence: 25.55 23.324526521 110% => OK
Discourse Markers: 3.95 5.70786347227 69% => OK
Paragraphs: 7.0 5.15768463074 136% => Less paragraphs wanted.
Language errors: 5.0 5.25449101796 95% => OK
Sentences with positive sentiment : 8.0 8.20758483034 97% => OK
Sentences with negative sentiment : 7.0 6.88822355289 102% => OK
Sentences with neutral sentiment: 5.0 4.67664670659 107% => OK
What are sentences with positive/Negative/neutral sentiment?
Coherence and Cohesion:
Essay topic to essay body coherence: 0.368968740199 0.218282227539 169% => OK
Sentence topic coherence: 0.141148340531 0.0743258471296 190% => OK
Sentence topic coherence SD: 0.158551020627 0.0701772020484 226% => The coherence between sentences is low.
Paragraph topic coherence: 0.18542499458 0.128457276422 144% => OK
Paragraph topic coherence SD: 0.207976521001 0.0628817314937 331% => More connections among paragraphs wanted.
Essay readability:
automated_readability_index: 15.2 14.3799401198 106% => OK
flesch_reading_ease: 46.1 48.3550499002 95% => OK
smog_index: 11.2 7.1628742515 156% => OK
flesch_kincaid_grade: 13.0 12.197005988 107% => OK
coleman_liau_index: 12.36 12.5979740519 98% => OK
dale_chall_readability_score: 7.72 8.32208582834 93% => OK
difficult_words: 92.0 98.500998004 93% => OK
linsear_write_formula: 9.0 12.3882235529 73% => OK
gunning_fog: 12.0 11.1389221557 108% => OK
text_standard: 12.0 11.9071856287 101% => OK
What are above readability scores?
---------------------
Maximum six paragraphs wanted.
Rates: 66.67 out of 100
Scores by essay e-grader: 4.0 Out of 6
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Note: the e-grader does NOT examine the meaning of words and ideas. VIP users will receive further evaluations by advanced module of e-grader and human graders.