The following appeared in an e-mail sent by the marketing director of the Classical Shakespeare Theatre of Bardville.
"Over the past ten years, there has been a 20 percent decline in the size of the average audience at Classical Shakespeare Theatre productions. In spite of increased advertising, we are attracting fewer and fewer people to our shows, causing our profits to decrease significantly. We must take action to attract new audience members. The best way to do so is by instituting a 'Shakespeare in the Park' program this summer. Two years ago the nearby Avon Repertory Company started a 'Free Plays in the Park' program, and its profits have increased 10 percent since then. Therefore, I recommend that we start a 'Shakespeare in the Park' program of our own. If we do so, I predict that our profits will also see a significant increase."
Write a response in which you discuss what questions would need to be answered in order to decide whether the recommendation is likely to have the predicted result. Be sure to explain how the answers to these questions would help to evaluate the recommendation.
The author's argument that instituting a "Shakespeare in the Park" program will increase the number of audience members is flawed. In the argument, the author shakily reasons that instituting such a program will surely increase the size of their audience because it has done so for another company. Additionally, it is stated that the other company experienced a 10% increase in profit due to the establishment of a similar program. This statement implies that such an increase would be significant for his company. Additionally, the author fails to explore the reason causing the decrease in profit and its relation to inflation and a changing economy over the previous 10 years. This line of reasoning can not be used to conclude that the establishment of such a program would increase the number of audience members or the revenue of his company.
First, the author assumes that since such a program increased the number of audience members for one company that it will surely do the same for his. In order to validate such claims, the author would need to present information on the adjacent population's interest in such programs. It is probable that the companies are not located in the same area and that people in their area are not interested in such a program. Until interest is established, it can not be determined whether or not such a program would be beneficial to the author's company. Furthermore, the author bases his claim on the assumption that if it worked for The Avon Repertory Company, it must work for his company as well. There is no information to substantiate such a claim. Similarly, with such a program already successfully in place it is likely that the addition of a similar program may not generate as much interest.
Additionally, it is stated that there has been a 20% decline in the audience size at this theatre. The author fails to mention if the other theatre has experienced similar declines. Perhaps less people are interested in such productions and the company would benefit more from a different variety of productions. Furthermore, the author cites the 10% increase in profit experienced by the other company since the implementation of the program. The program can not be directly credited with the increase in profits with out first examining other changes within the company, as well as the economy or demographic as a whole. Similarly, the increase in profit is presented in as 10% which may not be statistically significant when compared directly to the profit of the authors company. The Avon Repertory Company may be much smaller, causing a similar increase in profit to be insignificant to the Classical Shakespeare Theatre Production.
Finally, the author states that a decrease in the number of audience members is directly correlated with a decrease in profits over the last ten years. With out information about the company's expense versus revenue it is impossible to support this claim. Increasing inflation over ten years will undoubtedly increase costs of supplies, labor and rent. The decrease in profits, may better be assigned to failures within the company to adjust admissions to the current economy. Information regarding trends in ticket pricing and money spent would further strengthen the author's argument.
In conclusion, the argument could be strengthened if further information were provided in regard to the interest in such a program, trends in the company's profit and expenses ad well as more substantial information regarding the patron's interest in such a program. As it stands, however, the argument is flawed and with out further information the author's argument can not be validated for the reasons indicated.
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Comments
Thank you for taking the time
Thank you for taking the time to provide me with feedback! However, I do not feel that the content of paragraph three and four is duplicated. Paragraph 3 discusses that there could be other causes for the 20% decline in members as well as the fact that the 10% increase experienced by the other theatre can not be attributed directly to the program with out more information. Whereas, paragraph 4 discusses that the loss in profit experienced by the author's theatre may be caused by factors other than simply a decline in audience such as inflation and failure to adjust ticket price appropriately. I hope this is more clear.
I read the article you suggested and it is rife with grammatical and spelling errors. Additionally, the second and fourth paragraph of the suggested paper presents nearly identical arguments. They are both based around the fact that the program will not be helpful if it does not address the reasons for the decreased audience size.
I truly appreciate your help and input and would love any insight on how you (and possibly GRE) graders score these essays as I feel it is a complete mystery. I hope you can take my argument lightly and purely informative as I mean no disrespect.
Warmly,
Jennifer
Thank you Jennifer. Your
Thank you Jennifer. Your feedback is greatly appreciated.
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Let's analyze the structure of the statement and argue accordingly:
condition 1:
Over the past ten years, there has been a 20 percent decline in the size of the average audience at Classical Shakespeare Theatre productions. In spite of increased advertising, we are attracting fewer and fewer people to our shows, causing our profits to decrease significantly. We must take action to attract new audience members.
condition 2:
Two years ago the nearby Avon Repertory Company started a 'Free Plays in the Park' program, and its profits have increased 10 percent since then.
conclusion:
Therefore, I recommend that we start a 'Shakespeare in the Park' program of our own. If we do so, I predict that our profits will also see a significant increase.
then here goes the argument:
argument 1:
First, here we need to understand what caused a 20 percent decline. if for example the reasons are due to finance crisis or a decline in population, a 'Shakespeare in the Park' program will not work.
second, maybe the ads worked very well to attract new members, but cant keep old members.
argument 2:
1. The profits which have increased 10 percent may be because of other reasons, not because of the program
2. Suppose it is due to the program. It works for location A, it doesn't mean it works for location B. //your argument 1 is OK.
argument 3:
Here we need to argue against the conclusion: 'Therefore, I recommend ... I predict that our profits will ... increase.'. It depends. Maybe or may be not.
if: lack of awareness or knowing about the company, the program may work. Yes
if: lack of performances of theater, the program may not work. NO
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Hope this time it is more clear.
Let us know if you have more questions.
Thank you again for taking
Thank you again for taking the time to lay this out for me. I like the way you broke down the argument and responded accordingly in the three body paragraphs. I think this is really helpful. Thanks again!
Best,
Jennifer
You are welcome!
You are welcome!
flaws:
The content in the paragraph three and paragraph four is duplicated. Every paragraph should focus on one argument.
read a sample:
http://www.testbig.com/gmatgre-argument-task-essays/following-appeared-…
Attribute Value Ideal
Score: 3.5 out of 6
Category: Satisfactory Excellent
No. of Grammatical Errors: 0 2
No. of Spelling Errors: 0 2
No. of Sentences: 27 15
No. of Words: 604 350
No. of Characters: 3033 1500
No. of Different Words: 221 200
Fourth Root of Number of Words: 4.957 4.7
Average Word Length: 5.022 4.6
Word Length SD: 2.855 2.4
No. of Words greater than 5 chars: 244 100
No. of Words greater than 6 chars: 202 80
No. of Words greater than 7 chars: 125 40
No. of Words greater than 8 chars: 68 20
Use of Passive Voice (%): 0 0
Avg. Sentence Length: 22.37 21.0
Sentence Length SD: 6.717 7.5
Use of Discourse Markers (%): 0.519 0.12
Sentence-Text Coherence: 0.33 0.35
Sentence-Para Coherence: 0.498 0.50
Sentence-Sentence Coherence: 0.091 0.07
Number of Paragraphs: 5 5