The following appeared in a letter from the faculty committee to the president of Seatown University:
A study conducted at nearby Oceania University showed that faculty retention is higher when professors are offered free tuition at the university for their own college-aged children. Therefore, Seatown should institute a free-tuition policy for its professors for the purpose of enhancing morale among the faculty and luring new professors.
Write a response in which you discuss what specific evidence is needed to evaluate the argument and explain how the evidence would weaken or strengthen the argument.
The argument above rests on the premise that a study conducted at nearby Oceania university showed the faculty retention was higher if their college age children's tuition fee was waivered off.So it concludes that a same policy should be applied to Seatown university to boost the morale and to lure new professors.The argument is incomplete which does not state about the morals and luring new professors, it is flawed.
Firstly Seatown professors and Oceania professors may not be same in every aspect.The argument does not give us data as what is the ratio of the children to their parents teaching at Seatown university.There are chances this may be very low or it is possible that none of the professor's children are studying in that university.In that case giving of a fee waiver would not improve the situation.
Secondly, the study just found that giving off the fee waiver increased the retention of the professors.It does not state anything about how attractive or how luring the offer is.Maybe it can work as deterrent instead of a catalyst.Take a case where a parents' child applies to a university and gets admitted.Now to cover up the expenses the parent may want to apply for a professor's post though he may not have the knowledge or the abilities.This would only increase the worries of the University administraion department to sort out superfluous applicants for new professors.
The study also did not give us proof that the morale of the professors would be uplifted.It just gives us detail about the retention of the professors.It may also work in the unintended direction.Say for suppose a few professors' children do study and their fee is waivered off.The other professors may begrudge the other professor's luxury.To make matters worse the whole ambience in the university would go down and would not help the university.
Lastly, if the above rule is really to be implemented proper data should be present as to what was the ratio of professor's to their children studying in Oceania university and also the same ratio for Seatown university should be present.It should also be accompanied by one more study which focuses more on the moral upliftment and also state how luring the offer would be for outside professors to join the university.Only then can this be applied and the success guaranteed.
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Sentence: The argument above rests on the premise that a study conducted at nearby Oceania university showed the faculty retention was higher if their college age children's tuition fee was waivered off.So it concludes that a same policy should be applied to Seatown university to boost the morale and to lure new professors.The argument is incomplete which does not state about the morals and luring new professors, it is flawed.
Error: waivered Suggestion: No alternate word
Sentence: administraion department to sort out superfluous applicants for new professors.
Error: administraion Suggestion: administration
Sentence: The study also did not give us proof that the morale of the professors would be uplifted.It just gives us detail about the retention of the professors.It may also work in the unintended direction.Say for suppose a few professors' children do study and their fee is waivered off.The other professors may begrudge the other professor's luxury.To make matters worse the whole ambience in the university would go down and would not help the university.
Error: ambience Suggestion: No alternate word
Error: waivered Suggestion: No alternate word
Sentence: Lastly, if the above rule is really to be implemented proper data should be present as to what was the ratio of professor's to their children studying in Oceania university and also the same ratio for Seatown university should be present.It should also be accompanied by one more study which focuses more on the moral upliftment and also state how luring the offer would be for outside professors to join the university.Only then can this be applied and the success guaranteed.
Error: upliftment Suggestion: No alternate word
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argument 1 -- OK
argument 2 -- OK
argument 3 -- OK
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flaws:
Always put a space after punctuation marks. Essay e-rater is sensitive.
Attribute Value Ideal
Score: 4.0 out of 6
Category: Satisfactory Excellent
No. of Grammatical Errors: 0 2
No. of Spelling Errors: 5 2
No. of Sentences: 6 15
No. of Words: 404 350
No. of Characters: 1911 1500
No. of Different Words: 177 200
Fourth Root of Number of Words: 4.483 4.7
Average Word Length: 4.73 4.6
Word Length SD: 2.631 2.4
No. of Words greater than 5 chars: 126 100
No. of Words greater than 6 chars: 99 80
No. of Words greater than 7 chars: 71 40
No. of Words greater than 8 chars: 49 20
Use of Passive Voice (%): 0 0
Avg. Sentence Length: 67.333 21.0
Sentence Length SD: 26.487 7.5
Use of Discourse Markers (%): 0.833 0.12
Sentence-Text Coherence: 0.515 0.35
Sentence-Para Coherence: 0.876 0.50
Sentence-Sentence Coherence: 0.234 0.07
Number of Paragraphs: 5 5