The following appeared in a memo from a vice president of Alta Manufacturing.
"During the past year, Alta Manufacturing had thirty percent more on-the-job accidents than nearby Panoply Industries, where the work shifts are one hour shorter than ours. Experts believe that a significant contributing factor in many on-the-job accidents is fatigue and sleep deprivation among workers. Therefore, to reduce the number of on-the-job accidents at Alta and thereby increase productivity, we should shorten each of our three work shifts by one hour so that our employees will get adequate amounts of sleep."
The author of this memo indicates that Alta manufacturing had 30% job accidents more than Panoply industries on- the -job activities where workers' shifts are one hour shorter than Alta. He also states that the main factors which influence the workers are fatigue and sleep. In final he suggests that the Alta manufacturing should reduce the hours of work in each shift about one hour since workers get enough amounts of sleep. The close scrutiny of these arguments reveals that all of them based on some assumptions.
To begin with, the author claims that the Alta has more than 30 percent accidents in on the job activities. The author fails to consider the numbers of other activities. It is entirely possible other accidents in the Alta are lower than that of Panoply industries. Or perhaps the accidents in the Panoply have a worse condition than that of Panoply.
Second, the shifts in the Panoply are shorter; hence the numbers of accidents are lower in comparison with Alta, according to the writer. Rolling out of this claim shows that there are numerous affecting factors in this case. It is possible that the reason behind the number of accidents in Panoply is quality of instrument and devices which have a higher quality and safety than that of Alta Manufacturing. By such evidence, the author cannot draw categorical evidence about the effect of working hours. He should provide more firm evidence about the type of products in the both factories to support his assumptions. Perhaps the Panoply produces the food products which have a lower risk of accident than some factories like car factories and chemical factories.
Third, the author suggests that to diminish the accidents in the Alta, the manager should take more time to worker to sleep and in result to escalate productivity. The author overlooks that maybe the Alta has a untrained workers, and so high rate of accidents are related to careless of workers. Or perhaps the budget and facilities of Alta no longer allow producing more products. It is entirely possible that more sleep time leads to decreasing the productivity or makes the workers much reluctant to do their jobs.
To sum up, the author of this memo provides some incredible evidence about the Alta manufacturing and factors affecting accidents. To bolster this arguments the author should provide more firm evidence about accidents in other sectors of the factory. He also should provide some information about the quality of devices and type of products in both manufacturing, and the training level of their workers.
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argument 1 -- wrong:'It is entirely possible other accidents in the Alta are lower than that of Panoply industries.' we can only say: maybe 30 percent accident are not because of fatigue and sleep deprivation.
argument 2 -- OK
argument 3 -- not OK. We may say: maybe the workers don't take the one hour for sleep.
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Attribute Value Ideal
Score: 2.5 out of 6
Category: Satisfactory Excellent
No. of Grammatical Errors: 0 2
No. of Spelling Errors: 0 2
No. of Sentences: 21 15
No. of Words: 426 350
No. of Characters: 2095 1500
No. of Different Words: 173 200
Fourth Root of Number of Words: 4.543 4.7
Average Word Length: 4.918 4.6
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No. of Words greater than 6 chars: 118 80
No. of Words greater than 7 chars: 74 40
No. of Words greater than 8 chars: 47 20
Use of Passive Voice (%): 0 0
Avg. Sentence Length: 20.286 21.0
Sentence Length SD: 5.658 7.5
Use of Discourse Markers (%): 0.333 0.12
Sentence-Text Coherence: 0.35 0.35
Sentence-Para Coherence: 0.544 0.50
Sentence-Sentence Coherence: 0.148 0.07
Number of Paragraphs: 5 5